Travel over 1 hour both ways

[EngineerMumOf2]

My DD is starting her secondary from Sept this year. Her school is 37 miles away from home (grammar school). There is a school bus which takes 1 hour 25 minutes both ways. Am I doing a wrong thing by making my DD travel so long everyday? Please suggest.

[TheoriginalLEM]

So your 11yo dd can travel 1.5 hours to school so your dh doesnt have to commute?

[MrPickles73]

Also we make the effort to attend concerts etc in the evening ...

[EngineerMumOf2]

Thanks again. @Phineyj luggage shouldn't be a problem as the bus goes inside the school campus.

[Mustbetimeforachange]

Is no-one else astounded that a 1.5 hour commute is ok for an 11 year old, but a 2 hour one is unacceptable for DH??

[SJane48S]

I think partially how you come at this will depend on where you live. My youngest will be Year 7 too in Sept & will be travelling 50 minutes on the bus then there’s a 7 minute walk. We’re in grammarland & about half her class will be doing similar journeys. It’s not ideal for your DD but down in our neck of the woods these long journeys are really not uncommon & children survive them

[EngineerMumOf2]

@Mustbetimeforachange the choice is not simply between dh's 2 hour travel and dd's 1.5 hour travel. The latter involves moving house. We are living here from past 15 years. Moving house is a big decision. We may have to downsize as the house price is almost double there compared to here. Again, DH had to make a decision to change his job as his previous company is closing.

[RandomMess]

My DD was travelling 1hour 40 door to door by bus for college. It was just too much by Christmas she was on her knees!

[RedSkyLastNight]

OP - but you said the plan was always to move house! So this was something you presumably thought through back in October when you were filling in the preferences form and it shouldn't be a surprise now? Frankly most people don't even consider schools that are 1.5 hours away. Bottom line is that your DD will, of course cope with and survive this level of travel (I'm using words here that other posters have mentioned when talking about their DC making long journeys) but her quality of life will be significantly better if she doesn't have to. I spent 5 years commuting an hour to school. I survived and I made friends on the bus and I used the time to do homework- as many posters on here have mentioned but my life immeasurably improved when my parents moved so I only had a 15 minute journey. It is no coincidence that my DC did not try for grammar as that would have meant an hour+ journey compared to 15 minutes walk to the "bog standard"comp they now go to. Yes, the grammar may have been a better school but 2 extra hours a day and being less tired allows for so many more possibilities.

[Brandaris]

You’re not prepared to do a 35 min drive for her once a week because it’s too far, a round trip of 2 and a bit hours if you do both ways each day, but you are prepared to have her travel 3hours a day by bus every day?

She will be so exhausted that any benefit of being at the grammar will be wiped out. Being tired will mean she won’t be able to concentrate in lessons and won’t have time and energy to do homework.

School busses are prime bullying opportunities so what happens if some of the people she has to spend 3 hours a day in close proximity to and with no escape from take a dislike to her? It’s not like she will be able to switch off and relax on the bus, especially as you suggest she already struggles with social situations.

You say she would be disappointed to not go, but if you aren’t prepared to move why was this ever given as a viable option?

[MrPickles73]

I agree with slot said here about child bring tired but a lot of children do this and luckily for us our daughter really enjoys the bus journey. Don't let people put you off with the threat of bullying. But 3 hours a day on a bus is alot.

[SchrodingersUnicorn]

Lots of my friends at school did this length journey, and I've had pupils travel further every day. It's doable if she loves the school, but experience tells me that it's easier to get homework done on the train than a bus, particularly if it's going down windy country lanes. Everyone starts on the door to door bus in yr7 and as soon as their parents deem them old enough they switch to the more homework friendly (And quicker!) train.

[MarchingFrogs]

I'm boggling at a journey of 35 miles taking only 35 minutes door to door. It's obviously not either of our two local girls' grammars in question here. Wouldn't make it from ten miles away in that time.

OP, if it's always been your DD's dream to attend this particular grammar school, I'm sure she will be perfectly fine with the realities of getting there and back.

Every day. Five days a week. 38 weeks of the year.

Out of idle curiosity, what's the school's bad weather policy? DS's grammar school is very proud of its record of only not having opened a couple of times in the past decade - and if it's open, the HT expects pupils to make the effort to get there, regardless of the length of journey their parents have chosen for them.

[choirmumoftwo]

The train option would allow more flexibility if there were after school activities she wanted to take part in and I suspect it will be easier to work on a train than a bus.
My DD has a 90 minute commute home from school (she gets a lift there in the morning but still leaves home at 7.15). It's tiring initially but they do adapt and she won't be 11 forever. How does she feel about it?

[Taytotots]

Where i grew up (grammar area) it was quite common for people to travel over an hour to school. My commute was about an hour and a half door to door (including a mile walk down an unlit footpath over fields which the council decided was safe ). I chose the train over the school bus so i could do after-school activities and because my friends went by train. Plus it was where we met up with the boys from the boys grammar . It's not ideal but manageable. My social life didn't suffer. I used to stay at friend's houses a lot in later school years when we went out in the evenings.

[bombaychef]

We aren't a grammar area so this would be unheard of. I'm not having a pop at OP but 3 hours a day commute for a child seems an awful lot. But then maybe can use for homework and social media. I'd worry about friends so far away and limiting on sports and extra curricular

[crazycrofter]

It’s hard to understand if it’s not the norm in your circles. My dd goes to an independent school and it’s quite normal to travel a long way. They finish at 4 too so the girls do have long days.

Having said that, my dd has a much better social life than I did at her age (I went to the local comp). She has local ‘train friends’, friends from church/youth group and her more distant school friends come for sleepovers in the holidays - or they meet in town. She doesn’t travel too far to school but she’s not usually home til 5. It hasn’t stopped her trying lots of different extra curricular over the years, some at lunch time and some after school.

You have to weigh up the importance of fit and being happy/comfortable at school vs travel. My dd and ds are definitely happier socially than I ever was. They’re also getting a better education than I did - but of course, it completely depends on your other local options. If you’ve got a good comprehensive round the corner the choice looks different.

[RedSkyLastNight]

It’s hard to understand if it’s not the norm in your circles.

Something being the norm does not mean it is ideal or desirable.

[crazycrofter]

No of course not. Going to the nearest school is obviously the most ideal option - assuming the child will be happy there. There are so many variables.

[steppemum]

Mine go to super selective grammar. We have very poor local schools, so it was a no brainer for us really.

There is a bus, it takes 1 hour 25 minutes door to door.
There is also a train, it is 10 minutes on bike (or car if wet), half an hour on the train, and 15 minutes walk to school. So about 1 hour door to door.

I would make a few comments:

1. As they go to the station, they pass loads of other kids on their way to school, much closer schools, and they are all already up and out and about, so they don't seem to leave any earlier than most (although they get home a bit later)
   
2. yes, in year 7 they were very tired, especially before Christmas, but by year 8, they really took it in their stride. They don't LIKE the distance, but they do like their schools, and out local schools are crap, if they hadn't gone to the grammar, they would have travelled to another school.
   
3. I think the train option is better, not only because of the shorter time, but because the cycle and walk are good excercise, and sitting on a train is nicer than sitting on a bus, and the general public on the train do tend to mean they behave themselves better (I hear unpleasant stories about the bus)
   
4. after school clubs - grammar schools tend to have a lot of children travelling a long way on buses etc, so they tend to try and avoid after school clubs, and instead have loads of lunchtime clubs. My dd goes to 5 different ones per week!
   
5. They have local friends from primary, and from the train, and from other things they do (scouts)
   
6. ds is now 16, and after 5 year sof moaning about why we sent him to a school so far away, he, this year (GCSE) told me he finally got it, and was really glad he had had this chance of a decent education.
   

Of all the children who go to their school, I would say about half travel about an hour to get there, some from much closer, as their buses go round and pick lots of kids up.

I would say do it, and see how it goes.

[sugarbum]

My DS1 attends a school 25 miles away. It was our choice to send him there rather than the local secondary.

He leaves the house at 7.30am (we give him a lift at the moment but eventually he will have to cycle) His train is at 7.50 and it arrives at 8.05. It takes him 10 to 15 minutes to walk to school in order to start at 8.30am. So a bit less than an hour door to door. I don't see it as an issue. Many children do this.

I think the train option is far more favorable that sitting on a bus all that time which I would find horrendous. I don't really see an issue with her having to be 'alert'. She will get into a routine.

As for after school activities, if she gets the train, she'll be able to do these because she won't be limited to a school bus.

[Zinnia]

The school we have been offered (very good school but not our 1st choice, partly for reasons of distance) will be a 1hr journey door-to-door by school bus. DD will have to leave home by 7.10 to catch the bus (stop is 15 mins' walk from home).

As well as my anxieties about the length of the journey, tiredness etc, I also worry about her not being able to take part in after school clubs as she'll need to get the bus home again (London, but public transport journey even longer and complex, too much for an 11yo to do solo). She will be home at least 1.5-2 hrs before I can get back from work, 4 days a week. Obviously less of an issue as she gets older, but how have other families found this in Y7? She is young for the year, won't turn 12 till after end of school year.

[steppemum]

Zinnia, I do think it is a bit tough being home alone every day in year 7. Is there any possibility someone else can come over one day per week, so it is broken up a bit?

[Zinnia]

That's very much my worry steppemum! There's no-one obvious (no family nearby) so we'll have to look into an after school babysitter I guess. DD will just love that

[ivegotthisyeah]

I went to SS an hour away walk to train - train - walk to school. Loved it had friends home and in the city I went to school. Kept me out of trouble I think as well as wasn't out all the time like the local kids were. I'm not a fan of cities as from a rural area but when I go to to this city I went to school in I love it and feel relaxed and safe and happy. I had a lot more access to better sports and education but didn't end up any more intelligent than my friends than went to school where I lived . However if you asked me if I would send my 12 year old on a train now I would be a bit . But times have unfortunately changed

[Se7en11]

That's a lot of travel time.. on top of a day's learning. Dontvfirfet as they progress thru secondary school their homework will increase significantly and therefore adding onto their working day also.

I personally wouldn't want a working day like that with no time for any kind of life balance... thankfully DDs school is a 20 min walk each way.