Travel over 1 hour both ways

[EngineerMumOf2]

My DD is starting her secondary from Sept this year. Her school is 37 miles away from home (grammar school). There is a school bus which takes 1 hour 25 minutes both ways. Am I doing a wrong thing by making my DD travel so long everyday? Please suggest.

Where we live is only 7 minutes away from train station. 30 minutes in the train and about 15 minutes taxi from train station to school. If you consider walking in and out of train station, it will take about 1 hour 10 minutes door to door.
Bus journey costs us £250 a month and takes longer time, but less hassle. whereas train journey costs £150 a month, but requires her to be alert all the time.
As you suggested I think I should resume house hunt. In the meantime, Are you suggesting train journey is a better option than the bus journey?

How much would the fifteen minutes each way taxi be?

How will she get home if she has an after school activity?

Is there no shuttle bus from station to school ?

Train journey is shorter which has to be better! But agree you need to focus on moving if you are determined she goes to this school.

The taxi costs £7, but will have to group with two more students and will have to split the bill. The parents of senior students who currently send their children by train do this. And they say overall it costs £150 a month for train journey including train pass and taxi bill.
It is difficult to send to any after school activities - especially if we opt for bus.
This grammar school doesn't have any after school clubs for year 7 students. Are after school activities important?

Yes after school activities are important. You've prioritised everyone in the house, including your employer, over her. That's really shit. How can your dh look her in the eye knowing that he's happy for her to do a shit journey but not prepared to himself?

I absolutely don't think a grammar school education is worth that journey. I have one child at a local grammar my other went to the nearby secondary modern. The secondary modern was by far the better school.

There is no way on earth that my child's grammar school would be worth over an hours journey to get there. Of course we may just be unlucky with a pretty dire grammar school but even so it is a really long journey for an 11 year old.

I agree. But DH is not asking us to not move. He is leaving the decision on me. I am finding it difficult to make the decision as I am really worried about the change to our life when we move. But you are right; I don't want my DD t go through it. Talking to you all and hearing your responses is definitely helping me to make the right decision.

There are no after school activities for year 7? Are there lunch time activities then? If there are lunch time activities this is not so bad. Otherwise after school activities are good for DC to expand their horizons, get to know other students, and, in the case of things like performing arts and sports allow them to play matches and take part in concerts, plays etc. Of course you can also do these things out of school, but with that amount of travel your DC will struggle to fit them in and/or be too tired.

Yes there are lunch time activities.

When do they do sports practice and matches? Often these are out of school tine and/or Saturdays.

Your dh leaving the decision to you is spectacularly crap. You're both parents, you should both decide. If you move he will be squarely putting the blame on you for his stressful commute.

I see that everyone is against making an 11 year old travel daily. I am going to start looking for a house. I may rent it first, then slowly buy a house after I my DS's primary school is decided.

I guess I'm biased because where I lived and where DH was born (different country), this wasn't odd at all, a lot of kids would sometimes go two hours just one way - BUT - it was so hard on them.

ALso, however, when I was a teen at school it would take me that long with the various bus and train transfers to get home and it sucked but it was just the way it was for us.

How long is the drive to cover the 37 miles? As you’ll need to do that journey a fair amount, especially if you want to help her see friends local to the school at weekends or evenings. Sounds like the train might work better than the bus in terms of time taken, if there are others already doing that journey. You could see how it goes and make the decision on moving once you know the reality. If there are that many families with children going there, maybe there are lift sharing options if there are after school activities.

I don’t think it’s quite as straightforward as others are making out.

We’re nowhere near as far in miles from ds’ grammar, but in journey time it’s not dissimilar. In the morning we drop him at the train station (five min drive) for 7.44 and he gets the train (20 mins) then a tram (12 mins) then he either walks the 15 mins to school or he jumps on a bus. On the way home he prefers to take two buses instead, which takes over an hour, because his friends are on the first bus.

The journey is tiring for sure and I wish he was nearer school. However for his personality - previously bullied,then home educated for year 5 and 6 - I know the grammar is a better fit. Also, our local schools are quite rough and have very very poor value added scores, so our alternatives are particularly bad.

Maybe for a different child or with different alternatives, we might make a different decision. So do consider these things.

Also - the journey time can be fun social time, which is why ds takes the bus after school. Also consider when your grammar school finishes - fortunately ours is at 3, so even when he stays for an hour after school hes still not back too late.

For both my children, bus/train friends have been positive. My dd has travelled with 2 other girls on the train (shorter journey though) and they’re firm friends now, meeting up for local shopping trips etc. I think kids can make ‘convenience’ friends even if they have other friends at school - it’s a life skill isn’t it to get on with the people you’re thrown together with?

Also, both my children have local friends from outside school to see at weekends - this is something to encourage even if your children are at local schools.

It's a really tough one.

Bear in mind, as she becomes a teenager, they need more sleep (not less) and stay up later, so getting up early may become a real problem.

DS has 1 hour commute each way to his secondary school, on a dedicated school bus. If we drive it doesn’t take as long as we go the direct route rather than all round the villages like the bus has to do.

His school expects everyone from Y7 to do after school clubs Monday to Thursday. The buses are set up to collect after these clubs.

If your DD gets the train would she be able to get a later train if she wants to do after school clubs?

DS likes going on the bus as he can plug into his phone and not have us nagging him about screen time!

Nightmare. When is she going to do her homework? What about if she joins netball/judo club after school.

The winter.
The traffic on a bad day.

My dd's grammar is 12 miles away. She catches the bus at 07:15 and gets back at 16:45.
She manages to do all her homework, represent the school at sport, meet friends at the weekend and get enough sleep.
The alternatives were dire.

She copes.

My DS is in Y7 at a grammar 20 plus miles from us having started in September. Bus can take anything from 50 mins to hour and a half as involves drive on two very busy motorways. He has coped ok. Bus is quite "lively"! Of course I would prefer him not to have journey but the school is fantastic. It suits him really well and he is flourishing. I have another DS at local comp and there is no comparison at all in quality of teaching/discipline. We're outside a large city and boys travel from all over to the grammar schools. Hour and a half is not uncommon. Lots of buses set off at 7.15 or 7.20 for 9am start.

15 hours travelling a week is the equivalent of two days at work

Is there nowhere with better public transport?

Move if the local options really are that bad. Have you visited? Are the results just down to mixed intake? Do bright pupils do well irrespective of the overall ‘average’ stats?

The tyranny of the Gramnar system....

Thanks for this. If we drive, it takes 35 minutes door to door. The school bus takes 1 hour 20 minutes; (starts at 7:10 and reaches school at 8:30). The bus stop is within 5 minutes walking distance.
My daughter is excellent in studies, but not so much into physical activities. She is also not a very confident person. She found it difficult to maintain friendship in year 5. She is improving though. I want to help her to become a bit more socially confident and independent person.

@HotpotLawyer Unfortunately, changing school is not an option as we already accepted the offer. Also, it has been her dream to join the particular grammar school. She had a chance to speak to the head teacher and the head of maths department.
Where we live, all students work towards getting into the grammar school. I have seen her putting effort to get into the school, now if I ask her to not join she will not be happy.

Does she know/friends with any of the children going on the bus/train?

When DS had 2 taster days at his school. I took him in on the first day, but then got him to get the bus home and then do the bus on the second day, so he would also get a taste of doing the school run. He was fine with it.

He was not a very confident child and that was one of the reasons we chose this particular school. He has coped with the travelling. I sometimes pick him up from school especially when he has activities out of school. There are days when he is tired and he has days when he has large amounts of homework, but he enjoys his school and wouldn’t want to go to the more local school.