Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

[TheGreenEye]

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

@thatsnotmyotter I think some of us have been more concerned about the fact the OP is placing huge amounts of pressure on his family to assist with his MH issues - in which case 2 weeks in Australia in those circumstances is not a holiday of a lifetime...

Surely every family’s holidays are ‘exceptional’??

• Someone on benefits manages to get a £10 sun holiday but can only get term time dates. They don’t normally get a holiday as can’t afford it so for them this is an exceptional holiday. Doesn’t matter that it’s to Bognor Regis. It’s a chance for thier children to go somewhere new and spend time as a family as normally mum works 2 jobs
• someone from India needs to go back and see thier family as parent is ill. Need to go for a month, some of that is term time and want to take children in case it’s the last time. That’s exceptional to them.
• someone company either dishes out annual leave or the policy is so strict about how many people can be off that all the school holidays are already taken meaning thier family holiday will have to be in term time. That’s exceptional circumstances to them as it’s not their fault.
• family can only go to disney land in term time as can’t afford it other wise - to them that’s exceptional circumstances!

I really cant see any reason AT ALL that your family holiday is any more or less important/educational/needed/wanted/family orientated than anyone else’s!
You are being discriminatory saying that ill children, or children that struggle are less deserving of a holiday. In fact if anything they need holidays more for thier mental health.
If everyone in DSs secondary school took 2 weeks off a year younare looking at 2 children in every class across the school being off every week. Teachers just can’t catch that many children up and maintain the momentum of learning.

Also you come across as the sort of person who will complain bitterly
to the school when your child does poorly in a test because the subject matter was taught when she was away or that she missed the auditions for the school play/ sports
team try outs!!!

I don’t actually care if you take them or not, I have taken mine out for a couple of days but I think you are coming across as ‘one of those people’ who think that the LEA should change all thier rules just for them.
You know the rules. They are there for a reaso, if you want to break them then fine break them but don’t preach about how you are right and everyone else is wrong.

Enjoy your trip, mine loved it and fortunately it was before fines etc and HT was positive.

I interpret that to say that the absence will be recorded as unauthorised and that she cannot influence the LEA decision whether to fine

That interpretation is definitely wrong. The LA don't decide whether or not to fine. The school does. The LA simply issues the penalty notice and collects the fine.

Again, though, I come back to this "exceptional circumstances" point. Just because it's a choice doesn't make it unexceptional. There's nothing exceptional about people dying - it happens all the time. In fact none of the prescribed "exceptional circumstances" are any more exceptional than those that are considered "unexceptional".

My dds primary school wouldn't authorise her a day off to attend my Dads funeral. They wouldn't authorise her a day off to attend my brother's wedding either.

A day off for a funeral is very different from a two week holiday. I know you said it's not a holiday because you're working but your children won't be working with you and I'm assuming they won't be sat in an apartment all day every day so it sounds very much like you're wife and children will be having a holiday, with you joining in when not working. More and more schools don't authorise holidays during term time, a holiday to Australia is a once in a lifetime thing for many, yes, but it's still a holiday.

A Dad being offered work at Butlins for two weeks could feel the exact same way as you do, he could see that as a big opportunity for his children to experience a holiday because they've never left their little town due to not having funds. He'd be told no too.

If you don't want schools to have any weight in when you can remove them from school have you considered homeschooling?

Does your DD’s school not have a buddy system where another child and your DD have to help one another catch up if one of them is absent?

I can't see that being practical, In year 8 (like iOS dd) my Daughter had more than enough on her plate with her own school work, most days she'd be doing homework from the minute she got in until 8pm because she wanted the weekend free to relax. Children shouldn't be made responsible to give other children the education they've missed because their parents chose to take them out of school. The parents should be the ones supporting their child catch back up in my opinion.

Lot of ‘jobs worths’ on this site, OP. Other countries (who have better educational attainment than the UK) don’t have the ridiculous rules and fine system that has been imposed on our state schools.
Enjoy your trip of a lifetime with your family. As your children’s HT’s have said, it will likely be hugely beneficial for them. Have an amazing time!

It doesn't seem like this would be a family holiday to benefit the DC. Your basically using the kids as some self comfort to feel better while your away which I think is unacceptable. Toughen up, they'll still be hear when you get back

The law doesn't define "exceptional" in terms of what is exceptional for the individual family, but what is exceptional in the context of the general population. Most people take holidays every year, as do you, OP; the fact that you don't normally make a big trip like this doesn't change matters..

@Thatsnotmyotter

Not sure what you mean by “snobbish”?

What I meant by my comment was that taking children out of school for two weeks long haul, to support their parent’s poor mental health and when they will be tired and jet-lagged and unable to do anything as a family, doesn’t strike me as “holiday of a lifetime” material.

HTH

Familyofaliens, I agree. This could potentially turn into a nightmare holiday!
Flying long haul with children can be horrendous, not at all the pleasant experience OP is thinking. It will take at least 2 days to feel normal again upon arrival, and OP will be working, leaving wife and kids stuck in the hotel, trying to get to grips with a strange city alone. Unless his/her firm believe he/she is amazing, they will be expecting OP to work fairly long hours, so evenings may well be. A quick dinner then bed. Perhaps the mid weekend may provide opportunities for some sightseeing, but then week 2 will be a repeat of week 1. And make no mistake, jet lag upon their return will be a very real thing! For some people, it has minimal impact, maybe taking a couple of days to recover, for others it can be horrendous. I returned from a coup,e of weeks in Thailand and went straight back to work, it took 3 weeks to get my body clock back to normal. Australia will be so much worse.
This won't be the holiday of a lifetime that OP is suggesting. It will be a bit of an adventure, first flight, first time abroad and all that, but it won't be worth all the other crap that will ensue.

I don't have a strong opinion on whether or not the trip will be enjoyable for OP's DCs - but given their ages they are more than old enough to have an opinion and maybe they are telling him they want to go. And if the school is going to impose a fine then that's tough for OP.

But the tone with which some posters here discuss missing a few weeks of school is so strange to me. How can any adult actually think two weeks of school (unless it's literally the run up to key exams) matters more in life than a great experience with your family?

If you Google "fines for missing school" you will find almost all of the results are about the UK. Other countries don't seem to need to use this method to enforce attendance. It's draconian.

There's nothing exceptional about people dying - it happens all the time.
My husband only died once. The children were allowed 3 days off to travel and attend his funeral.
It is absolutely not necessary for your children to go on this trip. You are having a family holiday and trying to justify it by mistakenly thinking you have a 'trump card' of your mental health.
Just go, if you think you're right and you're justified. Just go, enjoy it. And pay the fine- you are not exempt from the rules.

This is actually a really disturbing thread. The OP seems incredibly controlling, and the way in which the wife and children seem to be reponsible for his/her mental health is worrying.

And the intransigent determination to be in the right despite having asked for opinions doesn't bode well for any marriage.

(Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that those subject choices seemed oddly limiting for a top set child, too).

I wonder how the OP would feel if their child's teacher took two weeks off in the middle of termtime in order to support their spouse on a work trip, btw.

I can only presume that they would be massively supportive of that, since nothing of any great value would have been delivered by that teacher in those two weeks anyway, and the circumstances are exceptional...

Or would they be on here bitching about it?

I deal with absence cases that come to court (when the initial fines are not paid) and this would not be regarded as 'exceptional circumstances'. I very much doubt you will get permission for such a term time absence, best to just pay the fines if you are determined to go. The responsibility for catching up missed work will lie with you and your DCs, you cannot expect teachers to help with this.

OP
^The whole thing is a cognitive dissonance minefield for me*

This whole thread is a cognitive dissonance minefield for me. 😅. It's like listening to Russel Brand.

OP, I'm not sure why you are so bothered about this. The fine isn't huge. Just accept you have to pay it and get on with your packing.

It seems as though you were expecting everyone to agree with you and now you're having a bit of a strop when everyone isn't saying you're 100% in the right...

Your opinion seems to trump all others'? How very curious.

And this isn't even personal criticism! I'd hate to see how you respond to that!!

I agree with soon having been responsible for dc in that situation before when dh was interviewing/ country scoping and we were invited along. I wouldn't take dc that far for 2 weeks, the jet lag wouldn't be worth it for me.
I think OP also has to think about using family to manage their mental health, this isn't a healthy coping strategy.

LivingBoy, have you had any dealings with schools recently? Teachers are leaving in droves, often after extended periods of absence because of stress.

Other countries (who have better educational attainment than the UK) don’t have the ridiculous rules and fine system that has been imposed on our state schools

Many do have fines for absence, some of them considerably more draconian than the UK system. The UK has never deployed police to airports to catch families taking their children on holiday without permission from school. Germany has.

In general terms, the countries that don't have fines are those that don't need them because absence levels are very low.

Other countries (who have better educational attainment than the UK) don’t have the ridiculous rules and fine system that has been imposed on our state schools

Many do have fines for absence, some of them considerably more draconian than the UK system. The UK has never deployed police to airports to catch families taking their children on holiday without permission from school. Germany has.

In general terms, the countries with decent education systems that don't have fines are those that don't need them because absence levels are very low.

If you Google "fines for missing school" you will find almost all of the results are about the UK.

That is because you are in the UK. The answers you get from Google are therefore UK-centric as they think that is what you are most likely tob e looking for.

How can any adult actually think two weeks of school (unless it's literally the run up to key exams) matters more in life than a great experience with your family?

There's two angles to look at it from.

There's him using his family as a crutch for his mental health issues. Take the location out of it and a parent asking if it's reasonable to remove their children from school because they worry their own mental health will suffer would be told it's unfair on the children and that they need to seek support.

Or it's pulling his children out of school to take to work with him, in which case the location is irrelevant as there's a parent who doesn't need to go to work with him and can care for the children while he goes to work.

Or it's just a holiday for his wife and children and he's taking him then out of school because they'll never have this chance again, that's up to him and his wife and they should suck up the fine if he gets one, like everyone who chooses to have great holiday experiences during term time, a lot of people would jump at the chance of a free trip to Australia but that's not what the OP said, he feels because he has mental health issues then taking his children out of school and to work with him is different to just taking them on holiday. He said himself it's not a holiday (it is though)