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Secondary education

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Original poster

Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

216 replies

TheGreenEye · 26/02/2019 23:30

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 03:08

You probably won’t get fined, not everyone does.

It’s rather pot luck who does/doesn’t. Not based on the principle of the rule, just on the chasing up of the consequence. You’ve accepted you may well be fined though, so cross that bridge when it comes. I imagine that thinking might help in all aspects of your mental health, you seem quite deeply to be ‘in your head’ in a circular way.

Frankie says relax.

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 03:12

@Fleece

I think those last two comments bring this nicely to a close. Thanks people. We'll enjoy our trip.

I'm over the perceived injustice of a potential fine. To hell with it.

OP posts:
SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 03:22

You prefaced all this by saying that part of the reason for bringing the family, kids included, is to avoid you having mental health problems when you're away for an exceptional work trip. You've had your work write that it's not a holiday.

Ok. It's not a holiday then.

So is this exceptional trip actually about your children being a kind of security blanket? I've had serious mental health problems too and understand them importance of family, kids and support. But removing them from school to do this, regardless of the location, is wrong. Even if it's only part of the reason. You need to be healthy and it sounds like you must have done a lot of work to get where you are now. That I can most certainly applaud. If you can't go away without your wife and kids though, you shouldn't be going.

BlueWonder · 27/02/2019 03:58

I think both IMOGEN and Soaring Swallow have good perspective here. OP, you sound a bit of a nightmare to me. You're asking for opinions, nobody is forcing you to agree or accept them. Yet you reply back to every individual who doesn't agree with you, telling them where they are wrong or haven't understood quite how free-thinkung and special you and your family are. I feel sorry for your children, they are being used here. They should not be your MH support. If you are not well enough to travel for work alone, you are not well enough to go. The HT is right to protect their interests by registering the attendance as unauthorised.

BlueWonder · 27/02/2019 03:59

sp-thinking

snitzelvoncrumb · 27/02/2019 04:06

Hello from Australia! I don't understand why you get finned, it seems crazy. Enjoy the trip!

BusterGonad · 27/02/2019 05:00

What a crazy thread.

ColeHawlins · 27/02/2019 05:37

Taking children out of school because the whole family need to accompany you on a work trip for the sake of your mental health, is about you and your needs and not really about the children's needs at all. That's what's inappropriate here.

It is exceptional for the employee to feel the need to do this but it's not to do with an exceptional need that the children have. Can you see the difference?

adaline · 27/02/2019 05:41

Australia for two weeks?

That means at least two days either end of travel, plus another two-three days of jet lag when you arrive. But you'll be swanning off to work leaving your wife to deal with exhausted, grumpy children so why should you care about that, right?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 27/02/2019 05:49

If your firm is paying for your family’s tickets, I hope you remember to inform the Inland Revenue. Although I’m sure that the exceptional nature of this trip means that you should be exempt from tax.

WinterHeatWave · 27/02/2019 06:09

Have you ever travelled with work before? Time socialising with family didnt really fit into the schedule. I was either at work, working in the hotel room to keep everything at my home office ticking over, eating (often with work colleagues) or sleeping. Not sure where doing nice things with my family would fit in.....

Have a fab time in Aus, pay the fine if you get one, and work with some professionals about your anxiety. It is not a normal response to take your family with you on a work trip - and even more exceptional for work to pay.

user564534 · 27/02/2019 06:18

Yes, the cost of your wife and children's flights/accommodation if work are paying is a taxable benefit on you. Your employer should be informing HMRC - depending on your tax rate, the cost to you would either be 20% or 40% of the amounts paid by your employer.

TidaQuel · 27/02/2019 06:26

@TheGreenEye

£120 for the entire absence, not per day.

RollerJed · 27/02/2019 06:29

OP ask your company to pay the fine.

We took dd1 out (y2) for 11 school days because I wanted to go home for Christmas and I wasn't going all that way without staying a decent time.

I would never let a school dictate to me what's best for my dc.

We didn't get fined either although it was unauthorised.

Bagpuss5 · 27/02/2019 06:32

Find what is on the curriculum over that 2 weeks. Though I suspect teachers won't be happy going to lots of work to provide you with stuff but I would think for much of it you could teach DD yourself..

What people seem to miss is that what is missed at school is NEVER taught again and if it is some vital maths understanding or start of some new work then DD will not have that ever. So do what is necessary to make sure she covers the work and take her and have a great time.

AuntieCJ · 27/02/2019 06:43

You don't have to take them, you are choosing to take the. If you think it's the right thing to do then just pay the fine.

MariaNovella · 27/02/2019 06:48

Does your DD’s school not have a buddy system where another child and your DD have to help one another catch up if one of them is absent? Can you not get another child to send your DD work every day? Of course the other child would need compensation for this.

SavoyCabbage · 27/02/2019 06:52

Can you not go for longer than two,weeks? The jet lag in that direction can be overwhelming.

I think it's fine to take them out of school although I don't see how it will be any more educational than other people's holidays. Nor are you more deserving of taking your children out of school because they have never been abroad before.

However it is a great opportunity and I think you should embrace it but not complain about the fine.

meditrina · 27/02/2019 06:53

"The law will have been carefully worded to give HTs some discretion"

is a bit weaker than what actually makes happened - the law saw written to give HTs total discretion (and you'll note that this law raised no complaints or campaigns from heads or teachers - who are not known for keeping quite about education changes when disliked)

Your HT has decided that a termtime trip abroad to fit parents desire to take whole family a 'marvellous experience' isoliy by any other name and will not authorise it. And applies same standards to all pupils - you really can't just say that only clever/privileged/healthy pupils get time off in term time.

If your MH prevents travel then see OH (if employer as one) to see about proper adjustments.

Because if this is the start of regular travel, then you really cannot be taking your family. You need to be able to do your job, and that might mean changing your job so there is no travel.

Get it cancelled and take the marvellous family trip in the holidays instead

GreyRoses · 27/02/2019 06:54

Gosh, well the benefit in kind tax implications will need addressing. It certainly will not be free for you to take them if you are in the UK. I'd budget for 20, 40 or 50% accordingly depending on what tax band you are, plus all of their food etc. Are you all in one hotel room?

It's baffling your work have agreed to this. They must realise how batshit crazy it is for you to take your entire family on what is a stupidly short trip to Australia for the sake of your own mental health.

I also think you need to plan for what will happen when your children no longer wish to do "everything" as a family. Your year 8 will grow up and want her own life. You can't keep her a young child doing everything as a family just for you.

Is your wife allowed any time outside the family group?

You are also leaving yourself very vulnerable in today's market if you are not properly committing yourself to working hard and decent hours for your employer. All it's going to take is someone else to come along who is willing to do that and you will be out.

ASauvignonADay · 27/02/2019 07:00

I'm with the HT. it's not exceptional and 2 weeks is a long time out secondary. Prepare for a fine and to have the attendance officer on your case when you return. What is their attendance like generally?

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 07:05

No wonder your husband works away so much.

What a childish and unpleasant comment, OP.

LIZS · 27/02/2019 07:08

The views of mnetters are irrelevant. The head has said it will be unauthorised whatever his personal feeling. Either accept that, and any consequential fine, or go alone. Sorry but all this self justification is not going to make any difference.

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 07:09

Does your DD’s school not have a buddy system where another child and your DD have to help one another catch up if one of them is absent? Can you not get another child to send your DD work every day? Of course the other child would need compensation for this.

I’ve never heard of a school where one student is asked to parent another student.

Redlocks28 · 27/02/2019 07:10

If so, type of work do you do that is so niche that a) nobody else can do it in Australia and b) doesn't pay you enough to afford holidays abroad (not that there's anything wrong with holidays in the U.K., more that it's a very very odd combination) but c) will pay for your whole family to go out for two weeks?

Interesting point!