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Original poster

Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

216 replies

TheGreenEye · 26/02/2019 23:30

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 27/02/2019 08:49

shaft I agree that trips abroad can be valuable and educational....that's not been in question.

It's the Op's insistence that they are too important to abide by the rules and possibly encounter a fine that's the problem.

SavageBeauty73 · 27/02/2019 08:51

It's a term time holiday. Accept this and pay the fine 🤷‍♀️ have you checked how much free time you will have if you are working?

ShaftOfWit · 27/02/2019 08:56

Couldn’t agree more. Thank goodness we have 13 weeks of school holidays a year in which to have those experiences.
Of course. But sometimes circumstances dictate that these things need to happen during term time. I couldn't take my children away for three months entirely within holiday time Hmm

HardAsSnails · 27/02/2019 09:07

If MrsTheGreenEye is reading, you might want to check this out:
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

IM0GEN · 27/02/2019 09:09

I’m also wondering what the OPs job is. Because he seems to have a lot of difficulty following a discussion and dealing in a polite and logical way with other people’s points. As well as an unpleasant tendency to males personal attacks when he has no defensible point.

Which would rule out so many professional jobs.

It also makes me suspect, as a PP said, that he has control issues and cannot cope when people disagree with him, hence the reason for wanting to take his wife and children with him.

This makes sense of his inability to accept the school’s decision and also his conduct on the thread.

He’s also slightly paranoid - “ so the Vast majority of people think I should be fined “ . No mate, just most people think your circumstances aren’t exceptional . What the school do is up to them.

And the weird insistence that he is somehow free thinking and independent.

It makes me wonder how many other things his wife and children have to do ( or not do ) because of ‘daddy’s mental health’ and the family mantra of ‘we do everything together ‘.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/02/2019 09:16

It’s £60 per child per parent going up to £120 after 21 days. So for 2 weeks absence it could be £1200 per one child if paid straight away.

titchy · 27/02/2019 09:26

Be honest, it's a holiday. You may be working, but for the kids it's a holiday. During term time. Take them and pay the fine.

But don't sit there trying to justify it because you have MH difficulties - it's not about you it's about them. And don't try to justify it as they deserve it because they've never been abroad before. Hundreds of thousands of children have never travelled abroad before - there is no human right to a foreign holiday.

There is no need for them to go with you. It'll be fab I agree. But it's really not a need.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 09:37

Shaft is your Y6 DC missing SATs due to your holiday?

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 09:43

I suppose one way of looking at this, is that children get 13 weeks holiday entitlement. If they have a 2 week term time holiday they now have 15 weeks holiday. Where I work I get 5 weeks holiday entitlement. If I go on holiday for 7 weeks, employer may agree to it, but would have to take 2 weeks unpaid. In the same way you get fined for term time holidays.

EdtheBear · 27/02/2019 09:44

It wasn't having a wife that made me think Ops a man either. More general attitude and arrogance.

I wonder if HT also picked up it was as more about controlling the family, lack of concern for childrens education rather than having a good time as a family.

goldengummybear · 27/02/2019 09:51

It's a holiday not educational 😂 Just pay the fine and have a good time.

TyroneJr · 27/02/2019 10:02

Didnt know it was that trendy

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 10:48

But sometimes circumstances dictate that these things need to happen during term time.

Circumstances haven’t dictated the OP’s family’s holiday choice. Their choice to take the whole family has. It’s avoidable.

Quartz2208 · 27/02/2019 10:58

But it isnt a family holiday its a worktrip for you

Doing everything today isnt healthy - neither is taking your family with you OP. I know you are wary of your mental health but the strain this must put on your wife and children is immense

DontCallMeCharlotte · 27/02/2019 10:59

Not sure whether the OP is coming back now but just in case.

Take them if you want.
But pay the fine.
Your circumstances are not special in the slightest.
However, your attitude does make you exceptional.
But not in a good way.
My opinion. Agree or disagree.
You asked for opinions, damned if I know why.

myrtleWilson · 27/02/2019 11:28

The Op has posted on another thread confirming their maleness.

Regardless of what happens with this trip OP (although it all sounds very specific and dare I say peculiar) but it can hardly be sustainable nor indeed healthy for you or your family, particularly the children, to be so emeshed into keeping your MH stable. It's not fair to shape their lives around your MH. As a father surely your duty is to do all you can to stabilise your own MH so it has minimal impact on your children.

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 11:42

As a father surely your duty is to do all you can to stabilise your own MH so it has minimal impact on your children.

I think you have to be the kind of person who doesn’t centre yourself in everything for that to happen.

SassitudeandSparkle · 27/02/2019 11:53

Independent, yet can't go without family - that doesn't really match up either. Not your children's job to support you, OP.

It's not exceptional circumstances. But in the world of TheGreenEye it is and that's all that matters.

Chewy5014 · 27/02/2019 13:05

OP says he is recovering, but he may be holding a fear he might have suicidal thoughts during his long flight and/or stay in AUS if alone? What if he had a nervous meltdown there? He believes only his family can keep him sane and alive, maybe?

It's not a great idea to take a 'holiday' during term time, but it would be a catastrophic and traumatic tragedy for his children if they had to lose their dad like this because of the 'rule', wouldn't it?

This is my only imagination and hope OP isn't in that serious situation.

Go for it OP. Pay fines if you must.

Quartz2208 · 27/02/2019 13:09

But chewy the pressure that puts on children in immense and unsustainable- at the moment it appears he cannot be without them that is incredibly unhealthy and potentially just as catastrophic and traumatic

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 13:10

it would be a catastrophic and traumatic tragedy for his children if they had to lose their dad like this because of the 'rule', wouldn't it?

What would be catastrophic, not to mention a massive safeguarding red flag, would be for children to be made to believe they are responsible for ensuring their parent doesn’t take their own life.

GreyRoses · 27/02/2019 13:14

Chewy, the responsibility for their dad feeling suicidal or not is NOT the children's. At all.

myrtleWilson · 27/02/2019 13:16

Chewy - thats a horrific position for the children to be in... and is in no way their responsibility. If he is so unwell that he fears he could have suicidal thoughts whilst in Australia (although to be fair to the OP he's not claimed anything as extreme as that) then the solution would be to decline the trip, explain MH to work... not to say yes to Australia but on condition I can take my family and then moan on MN about likelihood of fines...

notahiker · 27/02/2019 13:17

(ps For a top set child, your DC's chosen options seem to cut out a lot of A level routes).

That's what I thought too.

adaline · 27/02/2019 13:20

OP says he is recovering, but he may be holding a fear he might have suicidal thoughts during his long flight and/or stay in AUS if alone? What if he had a nervous meltdown there? He believes only his family can keep him sane and alive, maybe?

OP's mental health is not his family's responsibility. They cannot be expected to live their lives according to his demands forever.