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Secondary education

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Original poster

Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

216 replies

TheGreenEye · 26/02/2019 23:30

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

OP posts:
notahiker · 27/02/2019 07:12

FFS op get a grip. You are not the first parent ever to work abroad and not the first to go to Australia to work. Yes it's very exciting but get real - 10 days for a family holiday to other side of world ??!!

The HT is perfectly right in saying they would not authorise absence. If you want to take the fine then go ahead.

HerculesMulligan · 27/02/2019 07:15

The antagonistic nature of the OP's replies make me wonder if this is about giving his family a marvellous experience or being so controlling that letting them out of his sight for a fortnight is an impossibility.

caughtinanet · 27/02/2019 07:18

You're coming across as very hard work OP., do you create such unnecessary drama in all aspects of life?

How are you unaware of the rules about term time holidays?

It's not a science, no one can say for sure in advance whether you'll be fined, if you're decided to go then go and face the possible consequences it's no more complicated than that.

Like a PP I'd be interested to know what your special skills are.

MerryMarigold · 27/02/2019 07:21

OP, the whole fine thing is frustrating, but I can see why it was implemented in the first place. I don't have a problem with the fine, more with school's attitudes. We.missed 1.5 days last Easter (1.5, ,not 15) in order to save thousands visiting dh's mum who'd lost her dh and daughter during the year. I knew school wouldn't authorise, so I didn't even ask. I know my circumstances aren't so special, that basically we left early as a money saving exercise. Secondary were fine. Standard letter on attendance. Primary, I got a very snooty, self righteous letter from the Head. That annoyed me.

Heyha · 27/02/2019 07:22

You asked for opinions, I'm sorry you're getting ones that don't agree with what you think...

If it means that much to you then you'll see the fine as a part of the cost of the trip and worth paying.
I'm sure your kids will get a lot out of going but it is effectively a holiday for them (doesn't matter what you're doing) so you shouldn't be surprised the school is treating it the same as they have to everyone else. Go, enjoy it, make sure your kids do any work set, pay the fine if you get one. Life goes on.

GreyRoses · 27/02/2019 07:23

I missed the bit where OP said he couldn't afford holidays abroad before; I just thought they hadn't chosen them, possibly for mental health problems.

In that case, it's incredibly silly to now have a huge benefit in kind tax bill. Even if you are only paying 20% tax, you will be paying 20% on their very expensive flights. That money could easily be used for a cheaper abroad holiday in the school holidays.

EdtheBear · 27/02/2019 07:32

HerculesMulligan that's exactly what I was thinking. I think op is very controlling and worried about giving his wife and kids two weeks of freedom.

If he's spending £3500 on flights and same on accommodation then surely that's money that could go on a European summer holiday. I also wonder if hes a bit of a miser spend money when it suits but not generally for wife and kids benefit.

ShaggyRug · 27/02/2019 07:38

I agree that the OP is coming across as very controlling. Anyone who disagrees is clearly wrong and no other opinion is being considered, despite asking AIBU? If you are sure YANBU then why ask at all?

MilkItTilITurnItIntoCheese · 27/02/2019 07:39

Is it just me that's hoping the primary school will fine him as well as the secondary?

Blueuggboots · 27/02/2019 07:42

I'm with @HerculesMulligan.

2 weeks on the other side of the world will mostly be spent struggling with jet lag and feeling crap.

This is by no means the holiday of a lifetime nor exceptional circumstances and you are likely to get fined by the LEA whether you agree or not.

CostanzaG · 27/02/2019 07:42

You might think these are 'exceptional circumstances' and I've no doubt they are to you and your family but working away is not exceptional - lots of people do it.

When you signed your kids up to attend their schools you agreed to abide by their rules.

If you want to take them away with you then you have to accept that you might have to pay a fine. It's really as simple as that. You can try all the fancy arguements you like but it won't change things ( and quite right too)

Polly99 · 27/02/2019 07:52

This is a very odd thread and I’m. It sure what the OP wants.
Schools have rules about absences which apply unless there are truly exceptional circumstances.

Polly99 · 27/02/2019 07:53

Posted too soon: a business trip you want your family to come on is not exceptional circs. Many people working in education would agree that foreign trips can be educational but they need to draw a line somewhere.

Reallylosingitthistime · 27/02/2019 08:02

OP .... I lost any respect I might have had for you when you said to a previous poster

Not get to know the circumstances then? No wonder your husband works away so much

I'd likely take my kids out, the fine is minimal but I know they have no other absences so it wouldn't be a problem but it would depend what year of secondary to me too. KS3, not too bothered, KS4 at this time of year, no way!

But you didn't want anyone's opinions, you just want us to say the HT is BU..... oh of course they are not

anniehm · 27/02/2019 08:05

Dh works abroad a lot, we have requested to travel with him and always been fined - £60 per parent.

AlexaShutUp · 27/02/2019 08:06

OP, I would like to see more flexibility exercised with regard to absence during term time. I do think that there are circumstances where travel can be more educational than being in school, and if a child's attendance is generally good, I don't think it would be unreasonable for HTs to authorise some non-essential absences.

However, I can completely see why the HT would think that a couple of weeks in Australia to accompany you on a work trip isn't exceptional. That doesn't mean that you can't go - just means that you'll need to suck up the fine if you get one.

Before you take the kids out of school, though, I do think you need to reflect seriously on whether you are taking them for their own benefit or as your support. The former is reasonable, the latter is not.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 08:18

Milkit I was thinking that even though the Primary School HT had said go for it, it will be a fantastic opportunity for Minigreeneye, it does not mean they will officially authorise the absence.

HotpotLawyer · 27/02/2019 08:21

Ok, so you have a great opportunity to take your family on a holiday and you have taken it.

Lots of parents would, lots of parents do, as human beings, lots of heads and teachers are understanding if that too.

But when push comes to shove it is not an exceptional circumstance. It’s a great opportunity to be able to afford an experience you wouldn’t normally. Exactly like every other term time holiday.

Personally I disagree with the governments move to issue fines, quasi-criminalising people who have not been convicted of anything. Where there is a persistent absence issue the school welfare should address it.

But whatever her opinions, the Head can’t just make stuff up to suit your version of your term time holiday.

Write to your MP about the principle of fining parents, the eroding of parents rights or whatever.

But don’t expect the Head to lay herself open to lying, accusations if favouritism, complaints to the governors (“‘snot fair, GreenEyes kids went to Aus and they didn’t get fined”) when other holidaying parents get to hear of it, etc.

Because there is nothing in tne guudelines / rules that makes this anything other than a term time holiday.

I hope it is a great work experience and you all have a wonderful trip.

WeBuiltThisCityOnSexistRoles · 27/02/2019 08:35

Just because OP has a wife I don't think we should automatically think he is a man.

I think we can safely think that they are a pompous and argumentative person though.

Btw, I'm not a lover of lots of school rules (and have home educated due to this). In this situation though my sympathy is entirely for the HT having to deal with OP's unpleasant antagonist attitude.

Also, this "Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together" sounds on the unhealthy side of familial relationships. If you have DC old enough to be in secondary school, this just isn't sustainable, nor wise, IMO.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/02/2019 08:36

OP.
The HT has to follow the rules. These are not exceptional circumstances.

For the money you are spending taking the family out of school to Oz you could go and experience a different culture different culture, including language, in France or Spain. They have museums there too. And it could support their MFL learning too.

(ps For a top set child, your DC's chosen options seem to cut out a lot of A level routes).

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 08:41

Just because OP has a wife I don't think we should automatically think he is a man.

It wasn’t having a wife that made me assume he was a man.

ShaftOfWit · 27/02/2019 08:42

We're taking our (y6 and y4) children overseas for 3 months soon (some of which coincides with school holiday, of course, but must not). There is no doubt in my mind that this will be a positive, educational experience for them -far better than the endless SATs prep that my older child would otherwise be doing.
I don't care how exceptional it is considered by others - it is the right thing for our family, for a number of reasons.
I'm sorry you're getting such a hard time in this thread OP - can't quite believe the attitudes of most posters here. School isn't the be all and end all, and quality family time / new experiences can be worth so much more than a week or two of year 8.

toastonbean · 27/02/2019 08:45

Yes OP you seem v prickly and that comment about why a PP's husband must work away was rude, uncalled for and pretty bitchy tbh.

I feel for your wife actually, sometimes it's nice having a little break from one another in a relationship... generally when they get back you're soooo happy to see them - it's like a reset button! But of course, your need to have them with you 24/7 trumps all of that.

Anyone else slyly hoping concerned that because the children have never been abroad they might not have their passports and the passport office might be busy and not get them sent out in time??

FamilyOfAliens · 27/02/2019 08:47

School isn't the be all and end all, and quality family time / new experiences can be worth so much more than a week or two of year 8.

Couldn’t agree more. Thank goodness we have 13 weeks of school holidays a year in which to have those experiences.

toastonbean · 27/02/2019 08:47

Shaft of wit I think OP is getting a hard time because he/she made some pretty snide comments to a PP and has an attitude that the world revolves around him/her and that their life really is exceptional and the rules simply shouldn't apply to them.

PPs have just been stating facts but OP reeeeeally doesn't like that.