11+ waiting for results

[Mumoftwinsandanother]

Hi there

My twins have both taken the 11+ in Bucks today. Results come out on 13th October, I think. It could really go either way for both of them. My biggest fear is that one gets in and the other does not (really quite possible).
Saw that last year there was a thread from parents during the waiting period and I wondered if anyone wanted to take part in a hand holding thread this year (for any county). Obviously have to be very careful what I say to DTs so would be useful to vent here.

Anyone else in similar position?

No but I’ve been there and it’s stressful. You just have to keep repeating the mantra....what will be will be

Thanks i know you are right, just thinking about it all the time.

Also been there for the last two years in a row and delighted to have it behind me now. Totally agree with @ladydickisathingapparently - keep talking about the positives of ALL possible outcomes. And if you think this wait is bad, the one until 1st March is even worse

That wait is horrible, there was only 5 in my daughters year 6 so lots of pressure.

What will you do if one passes and not the other?

I’m in Kent, DD took hers last Thursday and the results are October 10th.

My biggest stress isn’t about getting into a grammar, it’s more about where she goes if she doesn’t. The non selective girls grammar is 0.3 of a mile from our house, so if she’s passes she’s in. There’s an huge outstanding comprehensive a ten minute walk from us, which only takes church going children, we are not church goers so despite being very local they won’t let her in .

Of the three other options one we are most likely too far away from, one I don’t really like and we might be too far and not religious enough
for it anyway, and the best of the bunch is in another town which because of the type of school it is DD has a decent chance of getting in, but it’s not guaranteed.

I feel your pain. Had twins in the same position 3 years ago. It is completely different (in my view) waiting for twins' results and the potential of 1 passing and the other not. The implications for the family (do you celebrate 1 pass / not make a big deal about it) in those circumstances and the knock on effect on the other's self esteem are awful.

In our area, with boy / girl twins, they took separate exams and the results came out on different days (24 hrs apart). Having found out that Twin 1 had passed and not knowing for another day whether the other one had passed was the longest 24 hours of my life!

Good luck - hope the time till results day passes quickly!

Bluths

I think I can guess what school you mean there. Their admissions criteria looks like a work of art!

What generally happens with that school? Do people choose it in preference to grammar or is it a back-up option? I'm thinking that if someone is tutoring/home training their child for the grammar AND putting in the requisite Church attendance that must be quite hard work.

Hi
I don't have twins but have been in this position 2 years ago for DS1 and will be there again soon for DS2 who takes the 11+ on 29th Sept.

We are not in a fully selective area which does mean that there are plenty of other good schools but unfortunately they are all faith schools which we won't qualify for. Hence it is a very difficult 2 weeks.

However in our area once we get the result we will also know if he has a definite place or not. If we don't then either he didn't pass and there is no point applying or we have to wait till 1 March to see whereabouts on the waiting list he will come.

Waiting in Kent too. Keep suddenly remembering and shitting self!

HPFA, I know people doing "the god thing" as they call it, and doing tutoring too. I actually feel guilty for not faking religion and going to church for the past few years, I feel like I've let DD down but I honestly couldn't bring myself to do it.

Yeah, the criteria is just jaw dropping, going from at the top "children of parents at the heart of the Anglican Church" through various permutations of Christianity and denominations, then other religions (although I think preferably Jewish and Muslim, they don't want any polytheist religions sneaking in) then, right at the bottom children with no religion .

For Bennett Memorial?

Yep, Bennett.

Bluths All those precise definitions!! Must be a nightmare for the local vicars being expected to know whose at the "heart of" the church and who's just a regular visitor.

I'm in!!

My twins sat one test last saturday and another one next week. They have older siblings at grammar schools and feel a bit under pressure to join them.

Unfortunately, our local comp is not a place my kids could feel safe. To much gang activities and unsocial behavior. And the good schools are hugely oversubscribed and we don't know wether we live close enough for 2019 admission or not.

I think heart of the church means mum’s a Sunday school teacher, dad’s a church warden type of family, rather than just turn up most sundays. Actually I think it has to be a minimum of one Sunday in three to be considered a regular church goer for the school admission.

Waiting is very hard. I always think the key thing is that your child has a sense that things are in control, there will be a school for them and that there is a bright future for them. When the alternative to Grammar isn't great, it's hard to deliver this message,mbut it's so important that they hear this, because it's really not right for 10 year olds to worry that they have or might have let themselves down, or that their parents are let down or worried about future schools, or that their future school mig be a load of crap and their future crap. They really mustn't hear this message in the run up to exams, whilst waiting for results or afterwards.

I'd just say be very careful when speaking to your spouses or friends about it all.....those 10 year olds have very sharp hearing and you might think you're quietly expressing your worries and fears and they aren't listening, but actually they often are. Our job is to reassure them that the next stage might be unknown at the moment, but it will be okay.

And how to stop not passing feeling like the end of the world to us as parents? Remembering that having parents who care about education is a key part of the battle and children with parents like that can go onto do really well, that lots of children in all types of schools do really well and that actually often the alternatives are not as bad as we might imagine they are and lots of children do really well, when they've got parental support at home. And that school is one aspect of life and I the wider scheme of things there's probably a lot to be grateful for....compared to the issues of illness and disability and the struggles many people face on a daily basis, this whole thing is just such a little issue.....these children who are mostly in great health and with happy lives, have little to worry about a great futures.

Sorry if it all sounds patronising.....just, that a little bit of wider perspective sometimes does help when you start to feel very inward looking and as if you're becoming over-whelmed by is one aspect of life. They will still be your much loved children regardless and you will still help them succeed.

I invigilated the Bucks one yesterday, feedback from the children was it was quite a good one.

No tears going in (or out) which is great.

Good luck to you all

Yes Alwa, apparently it was "easy", which worries me quite a bit. Completely right as said above you need to get it in perspective. We do have a good comp just down the road, the only issue is my girls will not know anyone going there (they are currently in a local prep school) but will know people going to the grammar (assuming some of them get in). I believe that one of my twins will get in and the other one, the one who worked really hard, might not (despite being quite bright she seems to fall apart in exams a bit). She's such a sweetie I can imagine her being very stoic when hearing her sister got in but she didn't and then that her best friend got in (very likely) and she didn't. She'll say (and mean) really positive things about the other girls and be really pleased for them.

*Bluth^ how is it possible that church schools get to discriminate like this! I’m in your neck of the woods too and remember hearing the saying you ‘pay or you pray’ to get your kids into a good school. It’s so unfair!

Can you imagine a system elsewhere where you could discriminate against a child because of their faith. Not only that but the only ‘new’ school for years (Trinity) is another blardy ‘faith’ school!! Can you imagine the uproar if they opened a new school and only aetheists and agnostics were allowed. If you went to church you wouldn’t be allowed in?!

Anyway I am missing the point spectacularly, I remember that dreadful wait for results. It must be even worse with the twin dilemma. Good luck bearing up through it everyone and fingers crossed your children all get the results they are hoping for

DD has hers today and I’m in bed wide awake worrying about it! We’ve prepared loads (I’ve tutored her because we can’t afford anyone private) but in all honesty I don’t think she’s quite ready for it. Her primary school isn’t great so there’s been no preparation there at all. She’s the only child in her class who’s giving it a go.
It’s actually fine if she doesn’t get in to our local grammar, the local comp seems perfectly good and she wants to go to the same school as her friends anyway. But I know she feels the pressure to make me proud and nothing I say about how I’m proud of her regardless seems to sink in. Really quite worried about her mental health if she doesn’t do as well as she wants.

I’ve not got twins and am through it but hope sharing my experience may help

I’ve one v bright and one borderline

V bright convinced he fucked it up and I actually didn’t sleep for the six weeks we waited for the result, terrified he’d end up in a school totally unsuited to him

He sailed through

The other one failed one paper by one point - Kent. She was accepted for the school I think you’re talking about in the next town but she desperately didn’t want to go there, literally all her friends passed and we had 9 months of all her friends being delighted and her sucking it up whilst we waited patiently to appeal. She went to the other school for a streaming test a few weeks before the appeal and I had to collect her early from the head’s office as she was having a panic attack. She was very unhappy when I got her “none of the girls are like me, I hate it here” etc.

No pressure for the appeal then

I have to say, apart from that day, I am enormously proud of how my DD handled it all. She was patient and showed huge resilience - she’s since won awards for this at both primary and secondary

She’s in Y8 at her chosen grammar now, appeal successful. She’s doing very well and is very happy

I was ambivalent about which school would be best for her but she was utterly unwavering in her choice and you know what? She was right

So if one DD scrapes a fail, I’d recommend appealing. It’s not for the faint hearted for sure, but our DD actually grew from the experience and I’m so glad we persevered.

I’d also consider the grammar in the next town etc - check which really is the best fit rather than which is the most local.

Sorry the schools I’m referring to aren’t the ones OP is talking about, it’s Bluths

You're right chocolate!

I'm still happy that my children are born in a country with free education and health care. I'm not born in the UK and went through a lot of aweful experience. My children will have a life way better than my own. That's the most important point. But I also know that (statistically) my kids don't have the best chances: black, muslim, EAL, low income single parent with many children from a deprived neighbourhood...
I see every day how much my older children flourish at their schools and I hear bad stories about our local comp. I just want the best for my kids (like every parent) and I can't help them a lot with school work or pay for private tutors. They worked so hard for the test and we all did our best.
Of course, school is not everything and we'll find a way whatever the test outcome will be. I try my best not to worry in front of my children.

We get our results on friday 12 October. Less then four weeks to go.

Good luck to everyone!

OP, if you are in Bucks it will not be a 'comp down the road' but a secondary modern. Folks do seem to mix this up. Oxfordshire has comprehensive schools, no grammars, no 11+ stress.

Yup, I'll join in too. Another Kent parent here. I really don't know which alternative we would aim for if DS doesn't pass. We have a very 'tame' vicar who would probably exaggerate our church attendance, but I refuse to play that game (and you shouldn't feel guilty about not playing it, Bluths!! You're modelling good values to your kids.). DS is baptised, so we might have a shot at St Greg's, but not a hope of Bennett. Too far from SKA. We're considering independent as well as state, which adds another school into the mix, so the number of potential options feels bewildering!!