Nearly everyone received a prize but my daughter-disappointed mum

[ROZ12]

Nearly everyone received prize but my daughter-disappointed mum at prize giving today. My d is at an academic school - her choice and in year 10. She does struggle and everyone around her and me seems to have a clever kid with numerous extra curricular activities going on. My daughter can barely keep up with homework- she is a slow person but conscientious.

She has never been To prize giving and this year they were fairly generous with the amount of certs they gave out, even girls who were less academic than mine revived prizes? She is currently at a grade 5 In all her subjects but competing with very academic girls. We just feel odd ones out as in four years nearly everyone has been given a prize apart from her? I Just feel is my kid the only dumb one in school? I also have work colleagues with gifted children and I feel complete opposite? Why is my child so different? I feel disappointed that I didn’t place her in a non competitive state school.

So many very successful people never won any prizes at school. It can seem very important at the time but really, really is n't. Conscientious is a very positive characteristic to have. Also she is used to working and not finding things easy while brighter pupils may struggle with resilience later on in life when they find something hard.
Whether the school is right for her is another question but she only has her GCSE year to go before she can choose again. Has she been checked for dyslexia etc? (in case that is contributing to her relative slowness for homework.)

You don't talk about your daughter in a nice way.

It does sound like you see your daughter’s achievements (or lack of them) as reflecting on you. She needs to be allowed to feel independent and loved, regardless of her academic performance.

Is she happy at school? If yes, leave her be (with appropriate support). If not, maybe a less academic and more supportive enivironmebt would suit her better.

I suggest that you find a Sixth Form that is more suited to her.

My dd is in y10 at a comprehensive and they do academic prizes at the end of the year. (Possibly not Sixth Form but definitely up to y11)

Yes she is happy and loved !! But I may change her to a comp abd get her tested.

Thank you

Surely prizes were known before prize day?

Was it everyone except her, or nearly everyone? If shes middle of the road and not excelling in any subject why would she get a prize? Seems extreme to change schools just because she didn't get a prize.

DS hadn't used to get prizes, positions etc. It began to matter when he was around 14, and gave him the impetus to work hard, and he's done really well. He will say that him not being put into the scholarship group at school was what gave him a kick up the backside!

DD hadn't used to get prizes as a youngster. Her final prize day at junior school involved prizes for at least two thirds of her classmates, but not her. I was disappointed for her, but she didn't worry about it.

Prizes were not for everyone and were not for the high achieving only, also for progress. There were girls who got c grade exam results lower than my dd and received achievement?

Prizes were not known before prizes day

My dds have never won a prize at prize giving! Dd2 is at a very academic school in year 10 and there is a prize for achievement and a prize for progress, two of each. That's four out of 100 girls! So she doesn't expect to win.

I will say she's fairly average but predicted 7s a couple of 8s and her lowest is a 5. If be concerned if she was working hard and getting predicted 5s. Maybe not the right school?

Hi ROZ, we had our prizegiving yesterday and DD did not win a thing again. It can be a brutal experience! Try not to take it personally and keep your daughters morale up, maybe treat her to something today, something you both like to do and move on. Don't make a hasty decision re changing school while you are upset.

I have one son who has never got a prize at school and it does impact their confidence a bit. I had to watch my son put his hands on his face to try and control rears all the way through prize giving this year. Cried his eyes out when he came home.

Before everyone jumps on it, it's nothing to do with us as parents. It is heartbreaking to see your child so disappointed, it is a big deal to them but that's just life.

It did make me wonder if it was the right school for him because he struggles too and is surrounded by high achievers, including his siblings, but I am going to wait and see. Mine is only 10 though.

As someone who was clever (not being conceited, honest!) but struggled to keep up academically, I would suggest investigating to see if she has an underlying issues making things more difficult for her. I was finally diagnosed as dyslexic at uni. It was so good to finally understand why I didn’t do as well in exams as expected and to receive some support in how to manage my needs and my results improved acccordingly.

Don't assume that a comprehensive won't have prize giving. Ours does. Generally DD1 wins lots of prizes and DD2 doesn't. It is something we've had to help them handle.

Shall I ask school to test for dyslexia? As they are very academic I don’t want her to be treated differently? I’m not taking her out in year ten have to deal with 5s.

I think it’s worth getting a meeting with the school SENCO (if you think she might be). Does she have any other issues? How is her co-ordination? Is she good at sports?

My youngest daughter has always done well at school but surpassed herself in her GCSEs last year. She she'd quite a few years when they were presenting the GCSE certificates last year and the same 5 or 6 students won all the prizes in several subjects. We have her a big hug and reminded her that she was working hard and passing exams as stepping stone to her future career. We told her how proud we felt. By the next morning, it was all in the past.

Do you actually think she has dyslexia just because she didn't get a prize? It sounds like she's doing well just not as well as some of the super talented girls. I'm not sure how your making the leap to dyslexia?

When you say “nearly everyone” received a prize do you mean it? That would be very unusual (other than at primary level).

If a touch of exaggeration has crept in here I really think you should mull over what your true feelings are about your child and (lack of) public acknowledgement of her success.

You do seem to write about your DD sensibly though - not in a demanding or unrealistic way. Perhaps your DD is smart but not academically special (hardly anyone is, after all). That makes prizes elusive. Give her a hug and a reward for a good year. The world is still hers to grab.

70 girls 40 award in total some got extra awards in end of year assemble too!

Actually 50 counted on prize giving day!! 20 on assembly!! We got a report emailed over.

You mention that others got a lower grade and were acknowledged. But if they made more progress then that explains why. Is dd bothered at all?

So 40 out of 70 is just over half - so not nearly everyone!

You write about your daughter in an unkind way - your disappointment seems more to do with you then her. You sound like you want to get her diagnosed with a SEN to “excuse “ her lack of results! I feel quite sorry for your poor dd.

For a selective school a gcse level 5 at the end of year 10 is poor. For a comprehensive school it’s great and v middle of the road. My dc are in a selective school - my year 8 has finished on high grade 5’s, my year 10 on a mixture of high 6’s to 8’s. My children are fairly average in their school.

You should concentrate on helping your dd reach her full potential rather then botching about who has more certificates at prize day!