Nearly everyone received a prize but my daughter-disappointed mum

[ROZ12]

Nearly everyone received prize but my daughter-disappointed mum at prize giving today. My d is at an academic school - her choice and in year 10. She does struggle and everyone around her and me seems to have a clever kid with numerous extra curricular activities going on. My daughter can barely keep up with homework- she is a slow person but conscientious.

She has never been To prize giving and this year they were fairly generous with the amount of certs they gave out, even girls who were less academic than mine revived prizes? She is currently at a grade 5 In all her subjects but competing with very academic girls. We just feel odd ones out as in four years nearly everyone has been given a prize apart from her? I Just feel is my kid the only dumb one in school? I also have work colleagues with gifted children and I feel complete opposite? Why is my child so different? I feel disappointed that I didn’t place her in a non competitive state school.

If it's for progress and not achievement, it makes sense that girls with lower grades got awards and your dd didn't.

If she is maintaining but not showing lots of progress, that's why.

Btw my children have never had a prize (primary or secondary) with the exception of sports colours and seem singularly unbothered by it!

You chose the wrong school for her. Not the school’s fault
Not your daughter’s fault

Some kids will have got more than one prize.

So basically half the class at most got them. The way you talk about your child is discomfiting. Why do you say she is different and compare her to gifted children and express disappointment she's not gifted in your eyes.

You say nothing of her feelings, only yours, and not in a pleasant way either.

I think you need to examine your thought processes in regards to your child. She isn't different. She's just a normal kid.

And quite frankly calling her dumb is shocking. It's beyond the pale.

I'm not even sure what's wrong with you, but something is.

So your daughter is doing well but you are disappointed that you didn't put her in a less good school so that she could make you look better? I think you need a therapist.

My ds's school made it very clear that prizes were for effort and progress. Quite rightly, my ds didn't get them very often, despite frequently being "top of the class"

I second having a word with SENCO.

If the effort she is putting in is not giving good results, it's time for an assessment of her capabilities, not necessarily only for dyslexia as there are many other things that can affect processing speed etc.

My d is bothered. Although you are helping, the comment that she is achieving level 5 at end of year 10 is bad making me feel worse!! For my d it’s good! As I said she is not academic. If your children got 5 would you be angry? I’m not angry with the 5 as I seen how hard she worked. I just think she has progressed over the year and achieved I’ve seen it in her marks in tests etc , that’s what they judge on not just end of year exams.

My ds's school made it very clear that prizes were for effort and progress. Quite rightly, my ds didn't get them very often, despite frequently being "top of the class"

I disagree with that. It should be for all three.
Effort, progress, achievement.

I meant there should be awards for all three. Not actually requiring all three in order to be awarded

Effort prizes do not exist.

I was talking to a previous poster.

I’m not surprised though by year 10 that it’s more about progress and actual achievement. It’s getting them ready for the world of work. And there sure as heck aren’t prizes for “effort” in the workplace unless it’s backed up with actual achievement

She has issues with speed and often says classes are too fast and she does do homework for hours so I will speak to senco.

Sorry I thought you had deliberately chosen an academic school for her. Or she had chosen it. I just wonder why she chose it if she is not very academic. Of course 5s are fine but they wouldn't be seen as fine at my dds selective academic school. They all want 7s and above.

Although you are helping, the comment that she is achieving level 5 at end of year 10 is bad making me feel worse!! For my d it’s good! As I said she is not academic. If your children got 5 would you be angry?

Of course I wouldn’t be angry what a strange comment!

The point I was making is that you chose to send your daughter to a certain type of school and at that school a 5 at tge end of year 10 is not good. You chose the wrong school and sadly your dd will be measured against those there. I’ve always thought for a child struggling in a selective school it must be a dismal place to be.

Unfortunately middling students don’t win prizes very often.

I was one. Not doing well enough for achievement. Not progressing enough compared to the lower end students for progression awards.

It’s extremely demotivating but I don’t really have an answer.

Yes get her tested for dyslexia/processing. If she’s working long hours and not seeing the results that may well be playing a part.

However, she may well just be an average student in a school where many are above average. I’ve taught in a few schools where parents have sent their children there, sometimes a bit blinded by the ‘prestige’ or success of the school, and then their kids have struggled for 7 years and often become demotivated. If those children had been sent to a less selective school or one which valued extra-curriculars more or had more vocational subjects, some of their strengths would have been played to and they would have had more success.

I would try to have family celebrations of her successes. It may sound trite but it’s something you can control whereas the school will not be likely to change its ways (and probably shouldn’t, in the main). I have a wall of certificates for my DS (modelled after Greg Focker’s parents in the film!) regardless of how average his swimming certs etc are. It’s in his bedroom and it shows we are proud of what he does and accomplishes. You could also have a family meal out or a congrats cake for the progress your DD has made, v short speech from you about the work she’s put in. In my opinion it is how the parents judge their children which really gives them resilience and self-belief ( that they are worthy and will be okay and loved and worthwhile whatever they do in school) rather than school prizes (which I won throughout school in several subjects and was always afraid of disappointing my parents who were very academic).

Oh and if she’s in Year 10, I would push, push, push the school to assess her for dyslexia etc, as it could make a big difference having extra time in the exams, and you’ve not got long to get it through. The school (assuming not a private one?) will not be keen to do this as they will have to pay and money is tight (not their fault). So I’d use your energy and anger to fuel pushing for this, but at the same time celebrate her successes and work on the assumption that she isn’t dyslexic, because you want her to stay motivated to do her best if she isn’t diagnosed.

For many children level 5 in year 10 is a brilliant result.

What did your dad get in her year 6 SATs?

It’s a private school. Yes they did ideally want 7s end of year ten my dd didn’t get that. She got 5s but I’m happy that she got that.

OK I am glad you are happy. That will help your dd to be happy. I do think if you send your dd to an academic private school (although non selective?) then you are going to have to do a lot of encouraging to stop her feeling miserable. What do the school think? Are they happy with her work?

She got 5s in year 6 says.

5 current working at grade for new GCSEs.

She is doing cie boards which are known to be tough. Not Edexcel not aqa.

It was selective she got tested at 11!

School would like her to retest in September , she has to study over summer.

So what does the school suggest? If she got 5s in year 6 she is obviously able and as she is working hard it seems to me that the issue is with the school.