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Secondary education

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Nearly everyone received a prize but my daughter-disappointed mum

149 replies

ROZ12 · 06/07/2018 23:51

Nearly everyone received prize but my daughter-disappointed mum at prize giving today. My d is at an academic school - her choice and in year 10. She does struggle and everyone around her and me seems to have a clever kid with numerous extra curricular activities going on. My daughter can barely keep up with homework- she is a slow person but conscientious.

She has never been To prize giving and this year they were fairly generous with the amount of certs they gave out, even girls who were less academic than mine revived prizes? She is currently at a grade 5 In all her subjects but competing with very academic girls. We just feel odd ones out as in four years nearly everyone has been given a prize apart from her? I Just feel is my kid the only dumb one in school? I also have work colleagues with gifted children and I feel complete opposite? Why is my child so different? I feel disappointed that I didn’t place her in a non competitive state school.

OP posts:
Ginorchoc · 08/07/2018 13:23

I get the worry she is feeling angry and frustrated. The downside of a selective is the pressure they put on themselves when they are seeing their friends, it’s a sort of self destruction.

I don’t understand why you mention testing now, has it never been triggered by School before (including at this point) because if you have her tested will this not reinforce her lack of self belief, I’d be building up her self esteem instead if it is only just now from this post become a need for testing.

Jorah · 08/07/2018 13:47

If she is on track for 6s and 7s then I doubt she's dyslexic?

I'm getting a bit confused by the thread tbh

BlankTimes · 08/07/2018 13:51

Why are people suggesting that this girl has additional needs?

Because it sounds from the OP's posts that the girl COULD have a problem with processing speed which does impact on ability to grasp relevant information and to relay that information in the same timeframe as her peers.

Did you miss OP's post Sat 07-Jul-18 12:16:48
She has issues with speed and often says classes are too fast and she does do homework for hours so I will speak to senco

Much better to be tested now and find there's no problem, or if there is one then there's time to put interventions into place before GCSEs.

OP Where can I get her tested over summer?
A private Ed Psych could test for processing speed. That's why I suggested a recommendation from SENCO or the teacher who deals with extra time in exams. They will have to have specialist reports for this, so they will know who to refer you to.
My dd's indie school had an arrangement with the local Uni as they had a centre for reading and language.
They didn't only work during Uni term time.

BlankTimes · 08/07/2018 13:55

If she is on track for 6s and 7s then I doubt she's dyslexic?

Sometimes it's picked up at primary, then there's a vast scale between that and it only being picked up at Uni when the workload is so great they can't keep up.

BlankTimes · 08/07/2018 15:15

To clarify, I was talking about slow processing speed being picked up at different times, not specifically dyslexia.

Witchend · 08/07/2018 17:27

But I was saying not one parent said their child achieved 5s end of year ten exams.

Did you say she got 5s?
Because there's more than a chance if parents were saying "I'm concerned that she only got a 6 in science where she got 8s in the others" that people thought "I better keep quiet that mine got all 4s then."

Dancingdreamer · 08/07/2018 18:18

OP this sounds similar to my youngest DS. He was in a selective school but struggling to keep up. I am sorry to say that the school made him feel “dumb” and made me sound like an over anxious parent when I queried his lack of progress compared to his peers. Eventually I had him tested and he has a severe processing disorder. With the support of the school we are now addressing this and hoping his grades will now improve.

CherryPavlova · 08/07/2018 18:46

I’m surprised an academically thrusting school hasn’t had the conversation about progress before now. Level 5 is a high old grade c so fine but not what one would expect from an academically biased school.
The idea that different boards are more difficult is not accurate. They are benchmarked very carefully and mo itored by OfQual. Boards would be sanctioned if they failed to deliver exams in line with the benchmark.

Is she getting additional tutoring? I think rather than fret about unimportant certificates, you need to help her get the best possible grades next year. In many schools (including comprehensives) A level options are grade dependent and many insist on at least a B or even an A in some subjects.

If she’s not academic she might want to consider a vocational course in sixth form - BTech or similar that still offers university admission possibilities but not necessarily through straight academic route. You’d need to explore now at local colleges.

Does she know what career she’s interested in? Is it realistic? What else can you do to support that pathway?

BertrandRussell · 08/07/2018 19:07

Oh ffs! She's in track for 6a and 7s at GCSE! Why on earth does that suggest a vocational route unless that's what she wants?

LuMarie · 08/07/2018 20:42

My ds's school made it very clear that prizes were for effort and progress. Quite rightly, my ds didn't get them very often, despite frequently being "top of the class"

I disagree with that. It should be for all three.
Effort, progress, achievement

Actually, I agree with effort and progress, not necessarily achievement. I was "top of the class", I had my grades for university, I knew things were going well. I worked really hard but it wasn't a battle for me. I liked studying, so I was already happy, I didn't need anything more. My teachers were happy with me and made that clear, that's all I needed for feedback! For some students it's harder, for lots of reasons, those are the students who I think can benefit the most from encouragement and recognition of awards.

Other students who are perhaps not sure that they are good enough, or don't feel as good as others, when really they all are, can have a huge boost and encouragement to continue on by being included, recognised and told well done.

Meanwhile there are students who may be in very difficult situations at home, making everything so much more difficult for them. If they manage to get to school, study and get through the exams, I think that deserves recognition and supportive response from school, saying well done, we know what you go through to do this and we are impressed. Teachers have discretion for outside of school situations others don't know about, they can recognise this through effort awards without sharing private details but still supporting the students and I believe this is important.

I'm way more impressed with students who have to struggle to get the lowest grades just to pass, working hard, when students all around them comfortably getting better grades and managing the emotions that come with that. Or students who are managing all sorts of challenges outside of studies.

ROZ12 · 08/07/2018 23:30

No career aspirations as yet.

Can someone guide me what to exactly email the school? How to start the email , how I would mention slow processing or dyslexia. Appreciate the help.

OP posts:
schoty77 · 09/07/2018 03:04

Unfortunately that's the way it is.

At my son's school, awards are given against others in your specific subject class, not against others in the year level. So a kid in top set that get's an A doesn't get a prize because someone gets an A*... but a kid in bottom set get's a B and since that's the highest for the class, he get's an award. Make sense?

My point is prize givings are always arbitrary and don't tell you how well your kid is doing.

Runninglateeveryday · 09/07/2018 06:56

I wouldn't mention either, Mumsnet aren't qualified to diagnose. I would just email to raise your concerns that your DD struggles to keep up with the pace of the class and have they noticed anything in school to suggest she is struggling?

Rudi44 · 09/07/2018 07:17

Please do not refer to your daughter as dumb, that is a horrid word. I very much hope she isn’t picking up on any of the disappointment you feel towards her which is coming through in your initial post.

It sounds like her grades are perfectly fine. Had she not been at a selective high achieving school I am sure her grades would be within the norm for where she is right now. Don’t compare her to others, don’t voice your disappointment that she didn’t get an award and never ever call her dumb

babybrainusedtobesmart · 09/07/2018 07:35

Poor girl. Not for failing to win a prize, but for having a mother that's so disappointed in her and calls her dumb (even if it isn't to her face) What pressure

numptynuts · 09/07/2018 07:47

She is kid and respectful but frustrated and angry with her achievements I never show it to her this is all inside me I never express my concerns to her.

I suggest putting her in a school where she's not made to feel this way.

TeenTimesTwo · 09/07/2018 11:56

Dear School

I have been considering further on our discussions about DD's progress, and discussing with DD.

DD reports that she often finds the pace in class too fast and she struggles to take in what is being said. I also find that her homework takes longer than we might expect.

I will support DD over the summer on her core subjects, but I would like you to test DD at the start of September to check whether she might have some unrecognised learning difficultly such as working memory, processing speed or dyslexia that might be affecting her learning.

Given that she passed your entrance tests and she tries hard I would like to rule out whether there is something that is hindering her progress.

Kind regards

TeenTimesTwo · 09/07/2018 11:59

Just to say that I think it is perfectly possible for difficulties to only become apparent mid secondary school. natural brightness can overcome a lot at primary, but when academic demands increase then difficulties with processing will become more apparent.

ROZ12 · 09/07/2018 13:11

Perfect thank you so much.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 09/07/2018 20:56

I would like you to test DD at the start of September to check whether she might have some unrecognised learning difficultly such as working memory, processing speed or dyslexia that might be affecting her learning

School are not qualified or able to make diagnoses of anything you've mentioned, it's for medical professionals to determine what the diagnoses are.

Reword it to

Over the summer break, I would like Dd to be tested for any possible unrecognised learning difficultly such as working memory, processing speed, or other condition that might be affecting her learning.
Could you please recommend any professionals that you have dealt with in the past who have helped in similar circumstances.

BertrandRussell · 09/07/2018 22:37

The school isn't qualified to test her. If you want her tested, find an educational psychologist and org idea your own tests. But shs is on track for good GCSEs. She is in a highly selective school and somebody has to be in the bottom sets!

ROZ12 · 09/07/2018 23:14

Thank you will do.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 12/07/2018 04:58

You just asked if your daughter is the only dumb one in school. I think you need to think about what messages you are sending out to her and whether you are putting too much pressure on her. You sound competitive and this would not be good for her self esteem. Try and reward her for effort rather than what she achieves compared to other people or you will be knocking her self confidence.

Smellylittleorange · 15/07/2018 08:44

@ROZ is English your first language ..is it your daughter's first language?

Unfortunately private selective schools can't wave a magic wand for all children to get 9s/8s at gcse. Be brutally honest witg the school about processing time/time spent on homework for Dd it is vital you get her tested

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