GCSEs 2018 (3)

[mmzz]

Following on from:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3113917-GCSEs-2018-2

Teenmum just had a talk with her, friendship isssues like Stickerrocks DD

mmzz agree with teenmum, only go if your DS wants to go. As you say the evening doesn’t tell you anything you don’t already know but your DS might want to hear it all first hand

mmzz having been in your shoes as DS is DC2, I have personally taken him to everything that I took DD to, I think its important to treat them exactly the same and invest the same time and energy in them both equally. Plus on hearing the presentations he may change his mind or you could get him to listen to one that he doesn't want to do but which you think he would like.

Stickerocks and Teen really sorry to hear that your DDs are having friendship issues I think the stress of the exams does tend to bring these things to the fore.

I know I should go. It's just so boring. It was boring the first time - they tell you the exam structure and what sort of student should do triple science. Then they say it's hard work and you should do the subjects you are interested in.

I will go though.

Hope your dd is OK Oddsocks - I do wish i could wave a magic wand with these girls .... I know Dd;s school held at meeting in Yr 9 telling us to expect problematic times ahead but by the time they get into the 6th form everything calms down - I do hope so !

mmzz go to the meeting and have as a reward to yourself

teen it’s horrible isn’t it, hope you are right and it settles down by 6th form

Floods of tears before bedtime after receiving a vile text. She's deleted all chat histories, shut down all gadgets and gone to bed feeling utterly bereft, as 6 of them have ganged up on her.

teen that all sounds miserable for your dd and I just hope the other girls sort themselves out.
Don't think we get study leave here although I'm not completely sure about that.
mmzz I'll be in a similar position to you next year when DS2 has to choose options. The school combines it with parents' evening though so you can go to a short talk first followed by talking to teachers or teachers first and presentation after.
I agree that having gone through this year we know far more now than will be conveyed in a presentation!

So sorry this has happened Stickerrocks - this is what happens with DD's friendship group with the Queen Bee if she has a fallout with one of the girls - she then tries to exclude the girl by rallying round the other girls. Hopefully not many of these girls are moving to same 6th form as your DD which will give her the opportunity to make genuine friends.

Stickerrocks oh no, just saw your post, your poor dd. She did the right thing shutting down the gadgets. There were always a few girls who could be vile but social media is making this a lot worse than when I was a teen.
It's very difficult, though. I remember a friend saying her dd had a really awful time for a while - not over prom but a year book or something similar that she was asked to coordinate. It was ok in the end but the dd said nothing to her dm until it was all over.

Hope your DD is ok Stickerrocks

I have to say I found with my DD that the yrs 11-13 they change an awful lot boyfriends, clubbing, drinking etc and some become more focused on their futures whilst others are living for today so there tends to be big changes in friendship groups just see it as a part of growing up rather than anything too personal (not always easy I know).

So so sorry about your dd stickerocks just seen your post.
She has done the right thing by coming off social media. This is exactly what my dgd did in year 9 when one of the friendship group tried to turn all others against my dgd simply because she refused to keep giving her the answers to homework set. So the girl sent terrible texts to her with awful comments about dgd put on social media too.
So, without to do my dgd under her own steam when straight to hoy and told him of the situation as it was affecting her work. The hoy had the girl in and she was reprimanded for copying a high attainers work when she was in lower sets and for the troll remarks on social media. The school is very hot on social media misuse.
So I suggest that your dd go to hoy and show them if possible the comments made by these awful girls and say that they are effectively bullying her and it is affecting her work especially as it is so close to GCSEs. I'm sure the school will support your dd.
Also I know you may not want to, but I would ring the ringleaders mum and tell her in no uncertain terms what her dd has been doing to your dd. And to inform the parents that if this behaviour towards your dd continues you will go to school and report it yourself.

People might tell you not to interference but in thus case I think it is multiple bullying and must be cut off before it gets worse.
I really hope and pray that this situation will improve for your dd and just keep off social media so they cannot have a chance to be so cruel anymore.
After the incident with dgd she cut down her friendship group to those that stayed loyal and steadfast to her and these 5 have become firm and trusted friends which hopefully will continue in 6 th form and hopefully your dd will find her true friends and be able to have the same outcome as I'm sure she us just as lively as you

Lovely that should read.

@Stickerrocks I wouldn't call the girls' parents for three reasons:

1. It would be social suicide
2. It would muddy the waters with a school complaint, if one were to be made later
3. It probably wouldn't even result in the girl's being stopped.

Take copies (screen dumps or photos), switch off social media and encourage your DD to not try to rationalise their behaviour to her. If you do report to the school, do so with facts and evidence.

Teenagers can be truly awful to each other. They have no volume control to know when they have gone too far and need to tone it down a bit. On the upside, there is only a few weeks left, and they will be busy weeks.

It's horrible for your DD though.

sticker, teen and oddsocks sending virtual support . I think it's hard to be a teen but it's REALLY hard to be a teen girl! Everything is so intense. Boys just deal with stuff differently. They do not seek love, acceptance and loyalty in the same way. I think they're also willing to share affection much more within the group, whether girls are drawn to one-to-one intimate, unique friendships where they are "the one" (mirroring biological evolutionary needs for mating further on of course). I went to a girls school and oh my, it was like a soap opera every single day. DS only participates in one chat with his mates and they mostly discuss politics, send each other political cartoons and silly Youube funnies. If one of them gets difficult with someone else or too intense, he gets shut told off immediately!

Hello! I've been following this thread, but haven't contributed. However I'm at my wit's end and was looking for advice.
I have an uncooperative 15 year old DS who seems in complete denial about the fact that his GCSEs are 12 weeks away.
We try to use a combination of stick and carrot, as he had dyslexia and we know that he finds a lot of things difficult. We've also been helping as much as possible with the organisation side of things - planning homework/ sorting files out etc.
But today it has come to a head. He is just not keeping up with his homework (which is mostly revision/ past papers etc now anyway) and is just constantly lying about doing any work.
He will say that he is going to do soemthing and then we just find him playing on his phone/ on the computer or watching TV. It feels like we are having to monitor him all the time.
DH and I were just saying we need to impose some sort of regime and micromanage him to make him do enough before his exams.
This is going to be soooooo painful though - especially for me, as I'm the one at home when he come home from school.

Has anyone else had to lay down the law big time in the last few months pre-GCSEs? How did you do it? Did it work?
I know some people will say 'leave him to it, it will teach him a lesson' but we simply can't do that.

Good points mmzz maybe I'm just a hothead.

Don't know what to advise you drained apart from take phone etc until homework done. There are lovely people on here much more skilled in advising you and I'm sure they will answer you soon. In the meanwhile good luck as I know how difficult it is to get DC motivated because revision is really so boring!

If it's any comfort @Drained, I logged into Mumsnet 30 seconds ago to soothe myself after banging my head against a brick wall with DS1. He's decided that he does not enjoy revising and that he does not have the resilience to make himself do something he does not enjoy.
That sounds pampered and spoilt, right? Except he isn't. It's just what he is saying to avoid revising when he's run out of excuses.
A few hours ago, he was arguing that no one else is doing as much revision as he is.
Micro-management: he gas a detailed revision timetable (that he helped put together and which gets changed regularly to reflect new circumstances). He has a full range of revision guides and I will test him if he wants.
Carrot: praise, tin of biscuits on his desk and regular supply of drinks.

I'm fed up with it all. He has stopped now to watch the rugby
My next move is to do some reverse psychology i.e. Don't work and you will get the grades you deserve (i.e. Low ones)

Also I've had more moody behaviour from him in the last two months than the whole of his life until then.

"I've had more moody behaviour from him in the last two months than the whole of his life until then"

Oh ditto!
my DS could procrastinate for England. We have had all the discussions about how it's only for the next few months he has to buckle down and how he'll regret it if he doesn't yada yada.
I just don't think he has the maturity to see/ appreciate it.
Our DS1 just seemed to 'get it' at the right point, and although he was grumpy, he just put the work in.
The annoying thing is that DS2 keeps saying 'I want to do well, I promise I'll out the work in for the exams etc' and we're now also hoarse from saying well, that time is NOW!

I saw a post from last year where a MN user, a father, did something called "agile development".

Agile development is a web development term meaning to develop a one baby step at a time, then test, get feedback, and adjust as per the feedback for the next step. Its thought to be a better way of building a web platform as it avoids the risk of several months of development only for the end-users to not accept it.
Anyway, the father successfully used it to do his son's revision timetable where he'd have the next few days tasks on post-its stuck to a pin board. When each task was done, his son would move the task to the other side of the pin board, and the father would take the ticked off tasks away and enter them into the master spreadsheet.

The advantage was that the boy was not overwhelmed with the mountain of 12 week's work at once, and because he felt it manageable, he'd do it, one task at a time.

Maybe that's the answer? Instead of going on about 4 months of hard work, just set small tasks with a short due by date?

Me? I am going to refuse the first 10 mins of a football match for the time wasting if DS keeps making his (and my) life so difficult.

stickerrocks your poor DD, social media can suck. Go and speak to the school

drained - I’m with mmzz also logged in to soothe myself. This thread is a great support. It’s a rocky road and we are keeping each other going

anyone starting to have any “empty nest moments” or just me?

We've been to see our rugby club lose badly today & she's had loads of support from her uncle & cousin. DD is counting the days to 6th form, so she can find new friends.

I would love to reply to the text messages myself, but I'm very aware of what happened to someone from Don't's DS's school earlier this month. I am absolutely fuming, but all we can do is tell her how wonderful she is, to concentrate on her mocks and not to discuss what they've said with anyone. That way, if gossip starts in school, we know exactly where it has come from. Our new mantra is "don't engage" which makes a nice change from "maximum marks, minimum effort!"

Yes oddsocks today I realised how grown up my dgd is becoming. Hardly any cuddles required now just more verbal reassurance instead. She cooked tea tonight a homemade cheese and potatoes pie which was delicious. She did an hours revision this morning unprompted then we froze to death on the beach with the pup and another hours revision this afternoon again unprompted. She is looking after pup while I pick her mum up from work which is great as she's not fond of the dark and used to want to come with me. I can see in mannerisms and attitude the young woman and I gotta say I'm going to miss her sitting on my lap singing nursery songs with her appealing lisp and chubby cheeks ( sigh) and our secret signs and special handclapping. Just 2/more years and off she goes into the world....blooming heck I feel old!

Drained I totally understand the frustration! Firstly, if he has dyslexia, you do have to help him get organised at this stage and you’re doing the right thing. There are too many GCSEs for him to do all this on his own and dyslexia is exhausting anyway, so he’s already feeling like it’s a mountain and doesn’t want to engage. Quite a few students would rather not attempt something at all than struggle because it makes them feel bad.
However, Mmzz is a genius for remembering the agile thing - breaking it down into small tasks and then moving on definitely helps. You could even apply this to the practice papers- decide to do certain questions or section on a practice paper. Work out how long he should spend on the question (including the extra 25 per cent if he gets it) and say I just want you to do this, nothing else, but under exam conditions so no phone. As soon as it’s done, review the answer - any learning points write them down for him but it’s done, phone back, revise those points next time, move on to something else. It’s a psychological thing but if you set a timer it works. Now, if he’s really resistant about writing, set a timer for 5 minutes, write a paragraph, then another 5 minutes etc till you have enough for the answer to the question. Then stop.
I don’t know if this will work but I’ve had some success with students and reluctant writers!