Private school fees

[EllaBel]

We can't afford them but we want to. How can it be done? Is it true that advertised fees are a 'guide' and that the true fees are established in conversation and schools can be open to this sort of case by case approach? We have four children. Sibling discounts are suggested but are they really applied to any great degree? How is 'middle class' (no trolling please I am generalising) England/Wales affording private schools?

mini I don't believe in educational apartheid either, which is why the local state options weren't suitable. The flip side of someone like you having a school that will give your kids an equal chance, is that kids like mine get offered the dregs and an unfair state opportunity to many such as yours. The consequence of my child not being offered an equal education to yours, is that we've had no choice but to even it up by going private.

primal Dds school in theory will offer a bursary to anyone that qualifies for a fee paying place and meets the means testing criteria. In practice though, the huge competition for bursaries mean performance in entrance exam and interview dictate who gets them.

Well, My FIL left grammar school without any qualifications - does that mean his grammar school was a failure?
You really can't expect me or others to accept the destruction of many good comprehensives throughout the country because twenty (?) years ago you didn't like the one you went to.

Sorry for inadvertently giving your daughter a sex change!

My own daughter is thriving at a comp - I believe more so than if she was at a secondary modern. But I don't believe this by itself "proves" that comps are better than secondary moderns, although I doubt she's the only one.

Sorry should have addressed to Jones

Oh I'm op! Just worked that one out........
Massively impressed by the response to my post. Really grateful for all the feedback and varying opinions. Stunned at the possibility that I am being got at because I haven't responded yet... I am not at my computer 24/7. I prefer hands free parenting.
It seems there are options. It seems there are awesome outstanding state school that offer the kind of holistic pastoral environment I long to offer my children.
I don't want to be a pushy parent. I worry that to get into grammar schools you have to be a tiger mum.
I want my kids to work for their own success and not have everything handed to them on a plate.
I want them to have the kind of confidence in themselves, not arrogance, that I see sitting naturally on the shoulders of the privately educated, all rounders who complete their education. And as all parents I know that the better support network you have at home and at school the greater your chances of really seeing your children emotional and educational needs and strengths and supporting them.
Did not know you could check a posters history.
Thanks everyone for such strong and useful feedback.
Anybody want to know anything more about me?

Can you please explain 'gf thread' and 'had this feeling'. Thanks

I'm confused now.
if you don't like what a private education offers, why do you want your children to attend.

My apologies for assuming you were a gf goady fucker, it's a good thread to start and then not come back to. It is done quite often with the intent to goad people.

I do think the private schools are actually selecting for confidence e.g. those that interview may choose the most confident and they are selecting families who are confident that they can afford the school fees. Thus if those confident children were at state schools they would be a great asset.

If this confidence leads to politicians who are happy to preside over cuts in education for everyone else then I would say that confidence is misplaced

"If this confidence leads to politicians who are happy to preside over cuts in education for everyone else then I would say that confidence is misplaced"
Its not confidence polished by independent schools that makes our current government preside over cuts in education of health or social care for that mater its politician beliefs. Tony Benn would be turning in his grave at the cuts we are currently seeing, and I very much doubt the likes of Tam Dalyel support them. Its so easy to make sweeping generalisations but not all who went to independent schools are happy about or would be happy to preside over the sort of financial cuts we are all now witnessing.

eyebrowse

If my confident child was at a state school in our area, her confidence wouldn't last long and be replaced by withdrawing, maybe bullying, unhappiness at having to do things she didn't want to. not being able to do the things she loves.
There is no way she would be content and wouldn't reach anywhere near her potential.
I couldn't let it happen tbh.

Only the privately educated cut services? Now I've seen it all

It's a small personal decision that feeds into a wider issue of social inequality which in this country is an utter disgrace.

.....

Hmmm, but so is choosing to send a child to a grammar school, choosing to move to house within catchment of good/outstanding school, choosing to not use your nearest school, choosing a church school, making use of sibling priority, etc.

Not many people truly make decisions without putting themselves/their family as the biggest priority.

I absolutely do want a private school can offer.

I didnt want to invite the comment that private school confidence is arrogance.

Thank you Newlife. What you are saying is that the local schools are giving children a chance of an education that posters on here take for granted.

You only have to look at the performance tables , to see 'high achieving' pupils coming out with C grade averages to have evidence of the endemic failure .

The sad thing is kids getting 8 C grades is considered to be 'excellent' even though in a grammar/private those same kids would have achieved 10 A grades !.

Are not giving children a chance !

That's right, I was pointing out that whilst some on here can talk about good comps that are in nice areas, with bright children who can excel, there is the other type of comp.

My dd is only 12 and in this specialist music school until 18 hopefully.
You never know if these schools are going to work for the whole of the school life, but for us it's not much less than a miracle, honestly.
She is mixing with people from all walks of life from the very rich oligarch to the sink estate unemployed and everyone in between.

If it doesn't work out there is no way on God's earth she would attend a school offered round here, we would have to H.educate again. That's not being snobby, but realistic in terms of her goals.

Oh, sorry meant to add, our other dc got all C's from school.
Some of the results were expected but ds1 excelled in Maths and Statistics and was expected earlier on in the years to be A* it didn't happen.
Likewise ds2 was the brightest of our children, he had work published at age 6, a brilliant story writer and excelled in English, he also got C but was predicted A*
Fair enough other subjects as predicted but there were some B's they missed out on.
You have to be mighty motivated to believe the system can work for you after this.
Both ended up dropping out of A level, they did other quals but ask them and they feel they were let down, especially ds1.

Newlife. My younger sister is head of English at a Comprehensive in Gtr manchester.

She left teaching at a highly academic girls private school, because she wanted the challenge of helping 'deprived' kids achieve A grades instead of C grades .

She tells me how 'upset' she gets when she sees children ending up with C grades when they should have got A grades. However, the most upsetting thing is the school and parents actually think the children have done well to get those grades. This is Instead of berating themselves has to why the school and system has failed these children.

She hears bright children in year 10/11 telling her that they can't get A or B grades ! . the same children in her ex private school get A* grades.

Younger sister went to grammar school and York University

I also think for the fairness of balance i should point out that my elder sister, went to my Comprehensive and ended up at Durham University.

However, The school still failed me . They were always comparing me with my sister and they failed to diagnose my ASD symptoms.

This thread is really making me laugh.The number of posters who say it's impossible to educate 4 children privately and the number who say don't have 4 children.Its not as if you can put them back!
I do have 4 children and we have recently started educating them privately after several years in state schools.We have scholarships of 5&15% and sibling discounts of 20% for DS 3&4.Many schools will further negotiate discounts with parents - especially if parents have the confidence/authority to do so.If you're children are bright or sporty or really talented at something,a good school will want them.Just don't be intimidated by swanky surroundings or impressive credentials.

Many schools will further negotiate discounts with parents - especially if parents have the confidence/authority to do so. LOL!

Sorry this made me laugh. I should think most well-run private schools would not pride themselves on handing out huge discounts to the bossiest parents

Adding up your discounts you basically get one child at 40% of fees but pay full fees for all the others. That's still a hell of a lot of money needed.

I'm really not disputing it is still a lot of money!
Certainly having spoken to other parents they have managed to negotiate further discounts at my children's school.I've no idea how other schools do it but lots of school don't publish sibling discount but state Its dependent on the headmaster.Reputedly our local public school is very negotiable on this.Disclaimer - I do not live in the South of the UK.
Secondly don't sneer upon people trying to help the OP Shamonts when you really don't know what you're talking about.

Erm... I have three children in or about to go to private school all have very large scholarships so I would suggest that I do know what I am talking about. No decent school would risk it's reputation by giving bigger discounts to gobby parents (clearly talking openly about it). But also full fees for three and 60% off for the fourth still isn't going to make it affordable for very many people!

getoffthetable its interesting that you're not in the south. I sure you're right that there are some independent schools who will negotiate a discount but I cant help but wonder if these school are slightly struggling to fill their vacancies (no criticism of the school) and they takes the view that someone paying some of the fees is better than no one paying anything. But many schools in London and the south east are very over subscribed and it doesn't make good business sense to offer discounts to those "parents that have the confidence/authority" to ask for a discount if you can fill your spaces with those who will pay the full whack.
Secondly certainly in the south east scholarships at primary/prep level are much harder to get and you say your children have spent "several years in state schools" so maybe you've changed to the independent sector for secondary assuming your organised like one of the posters above you can spend their primary years saving money.

Thirdly fees vary considerably there are I believe day school charging £12K PA but there are also boarding schools charging their day pupils just shy of £30k PA and of course full boarding in many cases in now £36k+ before extras. So if you putting 4 through a full boarding school even with a 40% discount you're still looking at the best part of £90k a year few IMO only the pretty wealthy are able to stump up that sort of money year in year out.

Yes ,but why do you feel the need to criticise other people's viewpoint?I'm merely stating what happens in my area.Your experience may be very different but I'm so glad you consider yourself an expert in 'gobby' parents.