Downsizing to educate privately - any pearls?

[Tiredbutstanding]

Here's my (sorry, long) dilemma- do I sell up to go private for secondary or not?

We have attended our school for 3 years. Eldest DD is Y4, and there is STILL no weekly or bi-weekly academic homework and definitely NO maths written sheets. We get 30 mins every 2-3 weeks - mostly to look something up on the internet, and write a few paragraphs. Our 'homework' for this TWO WEEK PERIOD is to cut out a hut from a pattern, and stick some foliage on it for a class project. I kid you not.

My DD has needed extra maths this year as she has gaps in yr 2 and 3 maths which were not spotted until year 4 (along with many other children). We now have a tutor to assist.

I have met with/written to, the head, governors etc, to ask for voluntary homework - to no avail. Subsequently ....as the school does not seem to respect homework, neither do my children!! So when it lands, it is a BATTLE to get them to do it. The first attempt is AWFUL and worries me incredibly that this is what they actually produce at school. Yet when 'encouraged' they do a really good job, and the work is of a high standard. (We do now of course do our own homework to make up the shortfall but as it is 'mum' making them do it, and not the school, it is perceived as less valid and even 'unfair/unnecessary').

Why I don't pull them out and go elsewhere?...because we had SUCH a horrendous time when we moved 3 years ago. Also, to be fair to the Head, the year 6 results for the school are good and he says to 'have faith'. It is true that their maths results were 100% Level 4 maths, and about 50% Level 5. So a small miracle may happen - hence we'll stay at this school and do our best for them via home learning.

But for secondary - should we sell the house, and downsize to go private (to a non selective private school). I fear that this LACK of self discipline (that the school is, if not engendering, at least not preventing) is potentially going to fail both DD's at secondary- just when you need to be well motivated to flourish amongst 30 per class, and 8 classes of 30 per year.....

Should say here that if we go private the current lifestyle will have to go too (like many parents). (I went private as my parents knew I was a lazy monkey and I can see the same in my kids!! However it forced me to work hard and later gain a good career......and I've been eternally grateful for this.

Any pearls for me?

That isn't Heswell, seeker. She has the chasm between rich who couldn't give a damn and the poor who couldn't give a damn (or are failed by their schools) and in the middle she does care and struggles to pay on the sure cert it 'buys' her DC a place. Sadly the system is such that it does. The very DCs that the grammar school system should help are the ones it fails.

An ill judged comment that has been apologised for twice does not make the actual point any less valid!

Eh?

I have apologised-I was annoyed. I'm sure that we all say things that we regret at times. I have apologised twice and it was deleted-I'm not going to grovel.

I think there was a huge amount wrong with the whole thread.

I hate a system where children are losers from birth, they may have parents who don't give them the best start, and even if they do they end up in the worst schools without enough skills to pass the 11+ and yet there are others who are luckier. They have parents who care, they scrape the money and pay to avoid the sink schools and then sit back knowing that their DC doesn't have to do much to pass because there are plenty of places-and are smug about it.

Most parents also don't know how to play the system. You get someone winning an appeal because the parents got divorced 4 years before and yet there will be many children from abusive homes or with drug addict parents etc and they won't even think to appeal and make a case. They probably don't value education and they don't care.

The old chestnut that is always trotted out in favour of grammar school 'it gives the disadvantaged bright DC a way up' is utter rubbish. They don't stand a chance.

I thought the system was bad enough in places like Kent and Buckinghamshire, but at least DCs have to work at it and the competition is intense. They don't just pay out money and sit back in absolute confidence that DCs will get a place.They can pay a fortune and still fail.

Exoticfruits- is it really true about the being parts of the country where getting into grammar school is a given? Really??

Well forgive me if I am not prepared to sacrifice my children at the altar of principles, tell me how many condemned from birth children have you adopted into your home to even things up, your DC's sharing a bedroom with a homeless teenager tonight are they ? Or are you just doing what you can for the children you are responsible for ?

Oh and you know where you can shove your apology.

Wow- there's that fab attitude again!

Obviously not at small white cat.

Exotic, stop digging a deeper hole

I am only going by Heswell who said
there are more places available than children to fill them.
and
the pass mark is 232 and I have known children with 216 get places.
If you can write your name you are in some years it would seem.

I live in the south and I don't know any parent-however bright-who doesn't await the results without a twinge of apprehension.

No. She said something poisonous about someone else (and apologised- twice) because that person's attitude sucks. The anaysis of the grammar school system is seperate.

Thank you and goodnight Heswell.
I find you very unpleasant and will stop reading.
I would love to abolish all grammar schools and give every DC the best education.

The feelings mutual but at least I managed not to drag your dear children into eh ?

Have you never heard of accepting an apology gracefully?

I think an apology has been given and that's good.

However, I do think we need all to think very long and hard about ourselves if we ever get to a point where we wish bad things to happen to children.

Because let's be honest, no matter what a poster says, no matter how much it riles us, it can never ever be justifiable to wihs bad things to happen to children.

TBH, if I ever got to the point of even thinking it, let alone posting it on a public forum...I would have to ask myself whether this is a good place for me to hang out.

I don't think "going on" about it can possibly be described as accepting an apology gracefully. Heswell has made it very clear that she has no idea how to. It's looking a bit as if you can't either!

Well I've been told on here that my children won't thank me when they're stacking shelves at tesco after their state education! People say this stuff: it's rarer for them to apologise.

imo, homework in primary school is more for the parent to see their child(rens) progress than anything else.

"We've struggle to pay for private prep, due to housing costs and 4 kids mainly but anyway. Every time i've tried to look at state since I cannot bear the thought of going back, the difference really is that great, the whole ethos is so very different.
I hear what the kids down the road get up to at the state school my DC's used to attend and I cringe, it's pathetic at the age of 9 they aren't doing basic maths."

Maybe that is the case at your local state primary school, but please don't assume that all state schools are failing their children. We have an outstanding primary school in our village. Some of the children go on to private school after 11, but none of the parents send them to private school before 11 because they don't need to. The school offers a rounded education with loads of extra curricular activities and a strong focus on learning - in 2011 more than 65% of the year 6 children acheived level 5 in English and maths.

In answer to the OP, we considered sending DD to a private high school. she even passed the entrance exam, but when it came down to it we would have really struggled. So DD is now at the local state high school, and so far we have had no regrets. If I felt she needed a boost I will get a private tutor.

I've not just looked around one state school in one LEA BUN, you don't know what you're missing so i'm sure you are happy. I would know and so would not be.

theoriginal if any poster has ever said that they hope and wish your children end up stacking shelves...then they should absolutely feel ashamed of themselves.
There is no excuse.

But it most certainly does not mean it is okay for other posters do the same. If we get into the asort of tit for tat, we may as well take to the playground.

And seeker I cannot accept any apology. The remark was not made against my DC and I cannot accept on the poster's behalf whose children were targeted. That would be arrogant.

But I think the fact that you have made no mention of that remark being thoroughly unacceptable speaks volumes. You would rather snipe at Heswall about aceepting apologies gracefully...so...