Downsizing to educate privately - any pearls?

[Tiredbutstanding]

Here's my (sorry, long) dilemma- do I sell up to go private for secondary or not?

We have attended our school for 3 years. Eldest DD is Y4, and there is STILL no weekly or bi-weekly academic homework and definitely NO maths written sheets. We get 30 mins every 2-3 weeks - mostly to look something up on the internet, and write a few paragraphs. Our 'homework' for this TWO WEEK PERIOD is to cut out a hut from a pattern, and stick some foliage on it for a class project. I kid you not.

My DD has needed extra maths this year as she has gaps in yr 2 and 3 maths which were not spotted until year 4 (along with many other children). We now have a tutor to assist.

I have met with/written to, the head, governors etc, to ask for voluntary homework - to no avail. Subsequently ....as the school does not seem to respect homework, neither do my children!! So when it lands, it is a BATTLE to get them to do it. The first attempt is AWFUL and worries me incredibly that this is what they actually produce at school. Yet when 'encouraged' they do a really good job, and the work is of a high standard. (We do now of course do our own homework to make up the shortfall but as it is 'mum' making them do it, and not the school, it is perceived as less valid and even 'unfair/unnecessary').

Why I don't pull them out and go elsewhere?...because we had SUCH a horrendous time when we moved 3 years ago. Also, to be fair to the Head, the year 6 results for the school are good and he says to 'have faith'. It is true that their maths results were 100% Level 4 maths, and about 50% Level 5. So a small miracle may happen - hence we'll stay at this school and do our best for them via home learning.

But for secondary - should we sell the house, and downsize to go private (to a non selective private school). I fear that this LACK of self discipline (that the school is, if not engendering, at least not preventing) is potentially going to fail both DD's at secondary- just when you need to be well motivated to flourish amongst 30 per class, and 8 classes of 30 per year.....

Should say here that if we go private the current lifestyle will have to go too (like many parents). (I went private as my parents knew I was a lazy monkey and I can see the same in my kids!! However it forced me to work hard and later gain a good career......and I've been eternally grateful for this.

Any pearls for me?

I know all this because the woman lives next door to me and I have been friends with her for 15 years.

Do you not live in the UK, then?

I wouldn't say that was normal, it wouldn't have got you in on appeal in my area.
I know people who have employed a solicitor on appeal and it hasn't got them anywhere.
I know that the appeal panel have many sob stories and actually have mothers crying-it doesn't get them a place.
I am no longer in an 11+ area but I would be furious if someone with less marks than my DS got a place because of a divorce 4 yrs before. We could all go down that road and where would it end? Would my DS's father dying trump a divorce?! Madness-most of us don't mention it.
I can see that you could perhaps use trauma on the week, or even month, of the exam but I would expect them to get a retest-not a place.'

I haven't come across the attitude that you don't need education and exams because you don't need a job! Who are these people-Russian oligarchs?!

Yes I live in the UK, you both spectacularly miss the point here, there are more places available than children to fill them.
No jobs like but the education system seems ok once you get past 11+

I should keep it secret then-you must be the only pocket of UK.

It's no secrete at all, but as I say you'll struggle to find full time employment paying above min wage.

Being curious I looked and think that I can guess where you live. The pass mark was 232 for last year but it was 353 for the year before, in fact the lowest before 2011 was 341 marks. Last year there were 13 applications for each place. Therefore I would assume that you would have to do more than write your name! It means that you average primary school could hope to get no more than 1-2 DCs per class (assuming it is boys) and similar for girls only they seemed to be luckier with a pass mark of 222 (again down by over a 100 marks from usual and only 9-10 pupils per place)

If you read articles you will find that competition is increasing, those who would have used private education are pinning their hopes on grammar schools in the economic downturn.

That's not my experience at all, even so I am extremely confident that my DC's will be wearing certain uniforms handed down by their siblings and prep will have played its part in preparing them as have I.

As for economic downturn given there wasnt much of an upturn I think we are immune from that problem.

Sorry to keep scratching the itch but you also have to remember there will not be 13 applications, many schools do not even enter children into the exam. Thinking of the DC's old state school they sent 80% to grammars, the three dedicated preps claim 100%, DC's school sent 12 so therefore by laws of averages plenty must not send any at all.

Some won't send any. You also don't just have one grammar school in the city. I read the tables, which is where I got the 13 from (for that particular school). I also read the items about hugely increased interest in grammar school places-they put it down to the economy and I would agree. It doesn't really matter why-it is a fact that there are more people chasing places and the numbers are in black and white.

My attitude, what that my kids are capable ? Gee so shoot me.
There are some children you KNOw will not go and there are some you KNOW wil, plenty of grey areas in between. So what.

I know DCs that are sure certs and they don't get in. I always remember one girl that I taught as a year 5 and she moved to Buckinghamshire-a member of staff came in and said Mary Smith failed 11+! We were all utterly astounded-everyone saying 'how is that possible?!'. She wasn't only grammar school material, I would have put her head girl grammar school type and Oxbridge. I don't know what she did in the end. I would suggest that you don't count your chickens Heswall.

Read Good Schools Guide

Also Telegraph It starts with a child doing 11+ in 2 different areas in the country and the whole family will relocate if necessary.

I wonder how much of a grasp you have on affairs if you think there are families in this country who couldn't care about exams because they don't have to work! I think the majority of parents with DCs at Eton, Wellington College etc etc would be astounded.

As I have said before I have been through this already, I know what I plan to do in all eventualities I do not need the good school guide to run my life and nor am I suggesting every parent in the entire country doesn't care about exam results except me.
Good luck to you and yours, I've got my kids backs thank you very much.

So have I- been through it before. And it is a big shock when things don't go according to plan.

[seeker takes comfort that ds couldn't have worn his big sister's and me down uniform anyway.......]

Well good luck! All other parents seem to suffer huge anxieties and go to great lengths to secure a place-perhaps you should give talks on how to have unshaken confidence and not have the slightest niggling doubt about it.
I would say from the table that I read that next year pupils might need more than 360 marks to get a place-due to all the anxious parents doing their utmost.

I am very thankful that I had the comprehensive system-it got my DCs exactly where they would have been with a grammar or even Eton-their first choice of what they wanted to do-and you can't ask for more than that.

The amazing thing is that if you spend enough contented time with your child, where-ever they end up, state or private, they will do fine.

But if you want to be sure of gaining a place at a "desirable" school, get practising with the Test Papers and similar. Heaps of material out there to work with and if you treat it as a game, it can be fun.

Don't wait for the perfect time or the final decision-start work, parents. Any preparation will be useful later in life, anyhow. You are not committed to the private/top school route, just giving yourself options.

Enjoy!

I sort of get what you say exotic. I went to a lovely private school and then to grammar because I passed my 11+. Was a long long time ago and I never shone at grammar and always thought I would have been better off academically to have stayed at the lower ranking indy where I started. All that said the grammar is still going strong, the indy closed down years ago.

DS who was a brighter than bright button went to a leafy cofe primary and at 8 we thought we would have a punt for one of the most selective preps in the country. No tutors, no pressure but he flew in and took 11 A*s last summer. I don't agree that he would have got his potential first choice via the comprehensive system. He is a linguist and a classicist and wants to read classics and probably will. He would not have had that opportunity via the comprehensive system because the subject is just not taught in many, and certainly there is no option to learn any Greek.

I would love to agree with you but I think ultimately, that is the difference between education and qualifications. I also think that a truly bright child will not need a tutor. DS did the test and it finished early. The Headmaster then got out a box of board games and told the boys to amuse themselves, watching quietly from the back.

I agree that the truly bright don't need tutors. It is also correct with the classics. However mine wouldn't have changed course if they had had Latin and Greek.
You have to find the school to suit the child.
I don't however think it sensible just to sit back 100% sure-things can go wrong.

And even if you are for some reason 100% sure, a little humility never goes amiss!