Downsizing to educate privately - any pearls?

[Tiredbutstanding]

Here's my (sorry, long) dilemma- do I sell up to go private for secondary or not?

We have attended our school for 3 years. Eldest DD is Y4, and there is STILL no weekly or bi-weekly academic homework and definitely NO maths written sheets. We get 30 mins every 2-3 weeks - mostly to look something up on the internet, and write a few paragraphs. Our 'homework' for this TWO WEEK PERIOD is to cut out a hut from a pattern, and stick some foliage on it for a class project. I kid you not.

My DD has needed extra maths this year as she has gaps in yr 2 and 3 maths which were not spotted until year 4 (along with many other children). We now have a tutor to assist.

I have met with/written to, the head, governors etc, to ask for voluntary homework - to no avail. Subsequently ....as the school does not seem to respect homework, neither do my children!! So when it lands, it is a BATTLE to get them to do it. The first attempt is AWFUL and worries me incredibly that this is what they actually produce at school. Yet when 'encouraged' they do a really good job, and the work is of a high standard. (We do now of course do our own homework to make up the shortfall but as it is 'mum' making them do it, and not the school, it is perceived as less valid and even 'unfair/unnecessary').

Why I don't pull them out and go elsewhere?...because we had SUCH a horrendous time when we moved 3 years ago. Also, to be fair to the Head, the year 6 results for the school are good and he says to 'have faith'. It is true that their maths results were 100% Level 4 maths, and about 50% Level 5. So a small miracle may happen - hence we'll stay at this school and do our best for them via home learning.

But for secondary - should we sell the house, and downsize to go private (to a non selective private school). I fear that this LACK of self discipline (that the school is, if not engendering, at least not preventing) is potentially going to fail both DD's at secondary- just when you need to be well motivated to flourish amongst 30 per class, and 8 classes of 30 per year.....

Should say here that if we go private the current lifestyle will have to go too (like many parents). (I went private as my parents knew I was a lazy monkey and I can see the same in my kids!! However it forced me to work hard and later gain a good career......and I've been eternally grateful for this.

Any pearls for me?

No homework? Where do I sign?

My mum was private educated and from a very affulent background but when she married my dad who went to a state grammar, he had a relatively good job with a decent enough salary but not enough to get 2 kids thru prv primary and secondary education. All my cousins and parents friends children were privately educated and I always felt different as at weekends and holidays the people we socialised as a family attended prv school. I went to a great primary but was not pushed enough to pass the 11plus as I was lazy, so I ended up going to the local secondary modern and I felt very out of place and I was bullied for being the posh kid. I hated my parents at the time for not having the money to send me to the school my cousins were at, but I do think it made me more appreciative of different classes and families and different ways of life but academically it did me no favours. We had a good life as kids with a nice house, 2 cars, nice holidays, days out etc but if we had had pv education our lifestyle would have been alot more basic. I think if you can afford it and still have a comfortable liife it is the way to go but if other things that are important to you have to suffer then I think you have to think very carefully!! I didnt do A levels and worked in administration and married a manual worker and altho we dont struggle there is no way we could even consider prv education.

I often wonder how different my life would have been if I had gone to prv school? I am very content with life and wouldnt want it any other way but still can't help wondering!!

We've struggle to pay for private prep, due to housing costs and 4 kids mainly but anyway. Every time i've tried to look at state since I cannot bear the thought of going back, the difference really is that great, the whole ethos is so very different.
I hear what the kids down the road get up to at the state school my DC's used to attend and I cringe, it's pathetic at the age of 9 they aren't doing basic maths. My kids aren't genius' by any stretch but i do know the basics have been covered now and when they get to grammar school they will keep up and thrive.

Not basic maths? My DS is in a state primary Year 5. He is in the top set and is doing the same level of maths a friend's DD is doing at her selective prep school. His spelling is superior, his writing too. And his friends are nice whereas my friend's DD has been bullied by her very posh mates. So let's not be so black and white. There are a few good schools in the state sector, you just have to find them and do anything to be in the catchment. We did, we moved.
In terms of secondary, I don't know yet. Local comp is not very good. But grammars are a good option.

" it's pathetic at the age of 9 they aren't doing basic maths. My kids aren't genius' by any stretch but i do know the basics have been covered now and when they get to grammar school they will keep up and thrive"

Two things. What do you mean by basic Maths?

And at the "when" they get to grammar school. Don't count your chickens!

smallwhitecat, I'd say it's partly a question of whether you were going to spend that money on new cars or further educational opportunities for your children

my parents never had a car of any kind

but they took us inter-railing through Europe to Greece where my dad guided us round the archaeological sites, they kept a well stocked library, the house was full of musical instruments and my brother had music lessons from a well known maestro

I can't afford private school fees anyway, but I wouldn't want to be completely without spare cash because I would always think how much I can do for dc's education with a bit of extra cash

ultimately it is a question of who you trust most to provide extra cultural enrichment for your children, yourself or the school

some people like to trust the school entirely, I like to be in on the act

when they get to grammar school they will keep up and thrive.

I hope that you aware that lots of very clever DCs don't get a place!

I know DCs in the state sector whose maths would beat any DC, regardless of school. The brightest was going into the comprehensive for lessons from year 5. He was a county chess champion.

Oh well bully for them, it's not my experience of the local schools.

Oh and yes it is when, not if

So nobody from state school goes to grammar in your area?

I wouldn't bank on it. One of the cleverest people that I know, whose parents were both Oxbridge educated, failed. She got to university in the end- but not to grammar school. It isn't as cut and dried as you seem to think. I also know identical twins (nothing to choose academically) where one passed and one failed. The boy I knew who according to his parents was a 'sure cert' failed, and he didn't get a place despite appeals and engaging a solicitor.
It will take more than covering the basics-I hope you are aware that those not paying out for private will have been engaging tutors for the last few years-the competition is huge.

In fact it is probably a lot cheaper to pay for a tutor, and one to one tuition, and aim for grammar school than pay out for private and expect them to get them to the right standard.

Because obviously schools in The Wirral "don't teach basic Maths"!

99.9% go to grammar from state, the prep kids typically stay in prep from what i've seen.
And I am certain they do teach basic maths somewhere in the LEA just not the school I tried. I'll know for next time I guess.

*stay in private, it would be embarrasing if they had to stay in prep forever

Just re. Homework and nothing else: a lot of people choose the primary my dds are at/went to precisely because they don't go bonkers over homework. It has always been low key, and I think that's probably right at age nine or whatever.

Dd1 made the transition from this to spending a proportion of every evening working pretty hard without any trauma. No grammars here, or perhaps things would be different, but I wouldn't assume that a year 4 child who doesn't get much homework won't cope with it when he or she is older.

I certainly shouldn't sit back thinking 'my DC isn't a genius, but the school will prepare him for the 11+'-the competition will be very stiff.

That wasn't what I said at all exotic fruits, having been through the process I'm very aware of what it takes and it's not always the cream that rises to the top, there were some real shocks as to who did get in and who didn't a couple of years ago up here.

I'm also very aware that competition is tougher in other parts of the country, everyone who passes and wants a grammar will get one here. They aren't for everyone and some are better than others.

I was going by
My kids aren't genius' by any stretch but i do know the basics have been covered now and when they get to grammar school they will keep up and thrive.
where it says 'when' and not 'if'-rather in the way people say 'bring back grammar schools' not meaning they want their own DC at a secondary modern!

God, I hate that "cream rises to the top" expression!