Guilt Free Railing 6

[WouldBeGood]

When will the railing end?!

These restrictions and lockdowns have taken a huge toll on resilience, in a way it's made me a bit desperate to enjoy all the things we used to take for granted and there is definitely a mental crash after any bit of near-normality.

The lockdowns have institutionalised many people too. Lots of people have lost their drive to get out too, in a lazy, can't be bothered sort of a way.

You are nowhere near a failure but I think I know how you are feeling. I'm not good at being vulnerable so that's a big element into resisting getting help. Plus, I'm not good at feeling I've not done a good job or let people down. I also kept convincing myself that if only I just tried a little harder I'd be able to sort myself out.

It's very hard to engage in the things you think or know might help when you are feeling so low. Even now people suggest things that have helped them but I'm still not really at a point where I can engage with that...which makes it looks like I'm not trying to help myself, but for me it's the decompression and stepping away that helped. I'm now feeling a little more like engaging with the world. Different strokes etc.

@Lockdownbear

The lockdowns have institutionalised many people too. Lots of people have lost their drive to get out too, in a lazy, can't be bothered sort of a way.

This is also me.

The other thing to remember is that we don't know what issues our friends and family are experiencing, they may also be painting on a smile etc but struggling too.

A really weird one from me is that when I get a notification on FB saying it's someone's birthday, i can't bring myself to just say "happy birthday", now I've missed so many that i'd feel weird now starting, then I feel guilty and frustrated etc and yet it is so fucking stupid that it's taking up this headspace. I don't even care about my own birthday and don't have it on FB, no idea how I got myself so over invested in this. But that's what your head does to you sometimes.

That's so weird, I can't be arsed with the birthday thing on FB any more either! Almost like, what's the point, it's not like I'll see you again for feck knows how long, so let's not pretend my message really matters.

Yes, it's not like people are counting up their wishes and then spotting I'm missing and checking back to see if I wished someone else happy birthday and not them and then judging me. It's just bizarre. I either need to start doing it for everyone or just continuing to not (or just when i feel like it) but not caring too much about it.

My view is that if you are still on my friends list, be confident that I still like or love you and wish you well in all aspects of life. Otherwise you'd be unfriended anyway, so not sure why I have this angst.

I think it feels false, and being physically distanced has highlighted how false it really is. Either we're friends, in which case I'd send a card, or you're not. I have deleted a lot of people in the last year!

I hate FB birthday wishes too !
Must have ignored too many people over the past year as only got one message this time from a friend who also gave me a card and present.

Iv hidden my birthday details, figured those that needed to know would know/remember.

I also have a regular Facebook cull, and you only get accepted as a friend of your lucky!

@Lockdownbear I know that I’m probably being 90% paranoid with the fear she doesn’t want to be friends. Past friendships have a lot to answer for

There are local ones but all really serious from what iv witnessed. There is one group in different council area I would join but too far to travel after work unfortunately.

I can definitely relate to having lost my drive. Now surviving on auto pilot and doing the bare minimum. Stayed in bed until 1.30pm today, I used to be up at 6am every day for a run or gym.

@RedactedTaeFeck

You are nowhere near a failure but I think I know how you are feeling. I'm not good at being vulnerable so that's a big element into resisting getting help. Plus, I'm not good at feeling I've not done a good job or let people down. I also kept convincing myself that if only I just tried a little harder I'd be able to sort myself out.

It's very hard to engage in the things you think or know might help when you are feeling so low. Even now people suggest things that have helped them but I'm still not really at a point where I can engage with that...which makes it looks like I'm not trying to help myself, but for me it's the decompression and stepping away that helped. I'm now feeling a little more like engaging with the world. Different strokes etc.

You have summed it up pretty well with this.

I've been feeling a bit neglected by my friends the past year but I think I've been guilty of being a bit wrapped up in my own stuff with wfh, no childcare, new baby etc. And actually I've seen a couple of friends recently and have remembered that they've found the past year hard and that actually they do still like me (!) but were struggling to socialise.
This morning I walked / sat with my friend for 3 hours with the baby when ds1 was at nursery and it was really nice to catch up.
This afternoon ds1's friend, baby brother & mum came round to the garden.
Now we're having a bbq. I'm feeling positive today.
On Tuesday afternoon I cried a lot and just felt like the worst mum / wife ever. I can't brush things off anymore, my resilience has been trashed. When I'm having a bad day any time ds1 misbehaves I feel like I'm a terrible mother, any time ds2 cries I feel I like it's my fault.
I've reactivated my gym membership and dh says he'll do whatever is needed with the kids to make sure I can go a few times a week.

Back in for a shift at my charity shop today in preparation for opening on Monday. I was the only non-vaccinated person in the place.

Good news was that we no longer have the silly 72 hour quarantine rule for donations, but that probably means we're going to be deluged next week. We're very short staffed, lots of volunteers aren't coming back after such a long break, one won't be returning "until there's zero covid" and out of the two people I was working with today, one kept mentioning how worried she was about "all these variants" and the other is still bleaching her shopping. Even though they've both had their first vaccines.

Anyway, was nice to be back.

That’s great to hear @shouldistop.

And @RaspberryCoulis I’m sad to hear people are still so bonkers

Yes @shouldistop, it's just become hard to deal with things that you'd normally brush aside. Now, i don't know you other than you presence on here, but you sound like you are doing a great job to me. If it's any help, I still go over things about raising my (now adult) DC and there are things I'd definitely do differently. But, they had a stable upbringing in a loving household with every opportunity handed to them so I don't think they did too badly.

And your DH sounds like a gem. I bet he has his faults but he sounds like he is genuinely trying to help, one of the good guys. Glad you've had a good day, hope many more are coming.

I've got a huge bag for the charity shop and more to come, but i'll wait until the initial surge dies down.

I think it's just really hard at the minute to support others when you've nothing left in the tank yourself. i'm fine now as the St. john's wort has really helped my mood, but I used to dread the phone calls with my DM as she wanted emotional support and I just had nothing to give. I've ignored a December email from a needy aunt ( long history behind it ) and even now I couldn't be bothered to write her back.

My rail is that DH has nabbed the first weekend allowed away to go camping with a relative. I wouldn't mind but DS is doing his DOE practical on the Sunday and having done what feels like every other aspect of DSs DOE I was hoping DH would sort out the kit with him. Oh and he doesn't want to take the dog as too many sheep where he's going apparently. DDog is going to stay with dog walker - I've had enough of country plodding and i'm making a point.

I’m glad you have been able to socialise a bit @shouldistop
A bbq sounds lovely. Think I only had one of those last year at my parents and they were both drunk when I arrived! 🙄

I have a friend coming round on Sunday to go a run so something for me to aim for/look forward too.

I also agree that you come across on here as an amazing mum/wife. And your husband sounds pretty good as well.

Oh gosh @RaspberryCoulis that’s crazy that people are still so worried. It’s like people have been brainwashed hasn’t it.
Glad you had a nice shift though.

Just curious but what’s made them stop the 72 hour quarantine?

Did the government change the rules for restaurants and cafes? Or are we still meant to sit at a distance from the people in your group? (I’m not actually going anywhere, just curious again)

My rail today is the flecking ineptness of the SG with covid...... Covid recovery is still going slow a month on from first getting it. I'm still off work and having to see the GP tomorrow.

A frein England asked if it was too early to refer me to the long covid clinic.... Which confused me somewhat. So I Googled..... The SG haven't set them up at all..... Instead saying they are "conducting research"

WTAF! A complete and utter failing of so many people trying to get better from this to be told nope you have to go through all the individual referrals which can take months due to the massive backlog!

😂 Love the autocorrect of flecking for fecking!

I didn’t even notice @Scottishskifun! 😂

Are you feeling any better at all?
Sorry to hear your recovery is so slow

England despite everything are coming out a lot better from all this aren’t they.

I have the same fatigue, headaches, eye pain and breathlessness if I go up the stairs. Can't take my toddler to the park can't walk more than 100 metres

Yep NHS England set up over 60 clinics 10 million spent. Scotland.... We will look at it even saying they don't think it's necessary in one statement from JL.....

So we have a magic money tree for a fecking referendum but not to set up clinics to help thousands.... Genius SNP!

That sounds awful @Scottishskifun, I hope your GP will be able to help you

That’s ridiculous. How can the Scottish government get away with this and the slow vaccination role out and crap booking system oh and the ridiculous restrictions and rules 😡

That's great that you had some success with your GP @runningpink. You'd not consider yourself a failure if you'd needed antibiotics for your physical health, so there's nothing wrong with needing some meds to get your mental health back on track.

It's a weird transition-y time. I've barely any plans at all, and mostly just with my own household - it almost feels like if you don't have 3 pub garden catch ups a week you're not doing it right.

My railing is about DS still waiting on his appointment with ENT. A young man with unexplained hearing loss accompanied by tinnitus and was referred to a specialist from the clinic in October. I just have a worry about it being something more serious going on.

Typical SNP Covid19 clinics will cost money. Not a headline vote winner like free bikes.

There must be plenty of second hand bikes that can be passed down to under privileged children, instead the second hand bikes will end up at the tip. Arrr.

My ballot paper is here and I feel like tossing a coin, Labour v Tory.

And do all these DC have a safe place to cycle? A place to keep a bike or more likely multiple bikes? Surely some investment in local bike recycling and selling or giving free in return for a voucher? Or a free hire scheme with kids size bikes?

We have a very successful scheme in Stirling that takes donated and abandoned bikes and refurbish and sell them on at cheap prices. No stigma in 2nd hand bikes, my own DC I think only ever had one new bike, all others were passed down or bought 2nd hand. Face book is full of people giving away or selling cheap bikes.

Also, kids grow so does this scheme give them constant new bikes or do they just chuck them in the river or canal when grown out of?

I'm sure loads of families would appreciate and take care of them but how many are going to be flogged off for drug/drink money?