Guilt Free Railing 2

[WouldBeGood]

New thread, imaginatively titled.

Totally agree about the kids and resilience shite

@Groovee I'm so jealous. That looks great.

Oh God I think I'm a resilience wanker 🙈 I've been trying to become more resilient. Genuinely 🤣

I refused to do some of the resilience homeworks as too silly - kids that have never failed are turning out some sort of cod-introspection. Oooh I was resilient when my friend took a toy I wanted to play with. I found a solution when my homework project didn't work etc.

Fair play to the kids who are child carers or refugees, they need a bit more than a resilience t-shirt though.

But you are resilient kurt, you're still going, in what way do you need to be more resilient? I'm not sure how well people ever coped - drink and drug taking in ww2 was pretty high. It wasn't talked about. So was marital breakdown, affairs etc.

People talk about it more because they expect there could perhaps be help and that's a good thing.

@frasersmummy

Oh *@NotAnActualSheep* sorry.. I didn't read that properly.. I thought it was an actual article..

Doh! Sorry.. I am not usually guilty of spreading opinion as fact.. Honest!!

Oh, don't worry! It's hardly 5g microchipped lizard conspiracy nonsense... I assume it was related to an article in the paper a day or so previously, but I hadn't seen it referenced anywhere else, and I don't have a subscription to search through so I was just curious.

Well truthfully I'm one of these people who thinks everything is their fault. If something goes wrong at work I immediately think that it was me that somehow caused it. Equally I have colleague who's a bit prickly. He is to everyone but when he criticises me I really take it to heart. I need to learn to brush all this shit off and just be generally more... eh resilient lol

@kurtrussellsbeard I've been working on my own personal resilience. I went along to a work call about promoting personal happiness, but instead of a blanket be resilient, it broke down what was meant by it and before I managed to lose the post it where I wrote them down, I was trying to practice some of them.

Mostly it was about maintaining your own emotions which I have no problem trying to do in a work situation, but for me during lockdown it's been really important to acknowledge the emotions I'm feeling, and whilst not wallowing in them accepting my own reality if that makes sense and doesn't sound too woo.

I think more and more of us are really struggling and linking to apps and articles doesn't help as it's hard to engage with that when you are already feeling bad. My company does provide us with an anonymous support company and I'm thinking I need it but can't bring myself to do so.

So to everyone struggling. I know we all have our differences of views etc but we all just need a bit of connection and support sometimes.

kurt ah dickhead colleagues are always fun. I'd say not being resilient was if you couldn't do your work because of these worries weighing you down and making you scared to start your work.

He's my kryptonite. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can't do anything with him so I need to try abs sort me.

@WaxOnFeckOff I tried one of those and it didn't help me too much. Not saying it wouldn't work for you though. Funnily enough the act of phoning it helped even if the phone call didn't. It was a recognition in myself of needing to make positive changes. I hope you have success with it.

Anyway I'm quite cheered at the moment as watching Jayne McDonalds cruising programme. One of the highlights of the viewing week and this episode set in Iceland which looks like a cruise DH and I could see ourselves on as no dressing up for dinner. That is if we're ever allowed to leave the motherland- I think Iceland would be on the long term list though, it looks even colder than Scotland.

@rookiemere always fancied Iceland but I think it's expensive!

Playing in the snow was so much fun I've been looking at Lapland for 3 or 4 days in December - maybe we'll be allowed then!

I've had therapy a couple of times in my life, a while back and the most useful part of it was realising I already knew the answers, a lot of the advice/steps were obvious and there was no magic key to be found.

It's hard not to ruminate in a lockdown winter so be kind to yourselves.

@kurtrussellsbeard ah then maybe a cruise is a good idea as just need to pay for excursions. Can't see teen DS wanting to come, but then he'll be old enough to stay on his own in a couple of years.

@rookiemere he might surprise you! I think it's a really trendy place to go!

Don't get me wrong, actual real resilience is hugely useful. Some have it naturally, others can acquire it - but telling kids about it in a crappy cod psychology way whilst simultaneously giving them no opportunities to actually meaningfully practice it is an exercise in box ticking futility.

[quote kurtrussellsbeard]@WaxOnFeckOff I tried one of those and it didn't help me too much. Not saying it wouldn't work for you though. Funnily enough the act of phoning it helped even if the phone call didn't. It was a recognition in myself of needing to make positive changes. I hope you have success with it. [/quote]
To be honest I think I'm past that. I think i'm close to having a breakdown. Panic attacks, tearful, can't sleep. There is something at work that I haven't done and it's coming to crunch time to deliver something. In the meantime I've delivered other work and supported colleagues so it all looks as if everything is great, but it's not. I just can't seem to focus on this piece I need to do. I'm not lazy and i have been working, but everytime I work myself up to trying to resolve the thing I haven't done, i just freeze and panic and don't know where to start. It's not something I can bury, it needs to go to clients etc. I've given updates saying it's progressing and i'm near to reporting but it's not. I feel shite and i need to resolve this but I just can't tell anyone.

Dh knows I'm unhappy with work and says I maybe just need to take some time off sick. I'm never off and I think he is right that I need to but then the thing i've not done will be discovered and I'll also be putting other colleagues under strain if I'm not there. I'm not enjoying working and not enjoying my time off either.

Anyway that was a bit of oversharing.

@WaxOnFeckOff I sympathise completely and know almost exactly how you feel. Doctors is a good shout but I know it's easier said than done.

That sounds really hard @WaxOnFeckOff . I'm finding it harder and harder to care about work, it just seems so pointless. It does sound as if you need a bit of a break at least from the current situation.

I guess I base a lot of my self worth in being good at my job and being strong, now I feel I am neither of those things so what's left?

I'm not suicidal, I know there are things that I can do to help myself that will get me out of this but at this point those are things I can't bring myself to do. I know in the grand scheme of the world, this doesn't really matter. I've just built it up now that it's like a concrete block in my chest and head and none of the solutions I can envisage are good.

There is fascinating research going on into why some people can survive and thrive after trauma whereas it breaks many. I don't think I heard what they concluded, perhaps there's a strong genetic component to resilience, as there is to happiness. Only a small amount of our personalities are changeable!

wax your dh sounds on the money to me, you need a proper break - and it does sound a good idea to seek support. I'm a veteran of much procrastination and under delivering at work since having dc and various dc related crises and it's never as bad as it feels upfront to confess, easy though it is to say.

Of course it doesn't mean you aren't good at your job or strong because you've perhaps failed on one project, even if it's an important one, after years of solid history wax. Think that's a type of all or nothing overthinking which is to self a clear sign you need a rest.

I start a new job next week and despite being told its unlikely to be office based for the duration of my short contract, I do worry. I am vulnerable but even if I wasn't, I don't want to ever go back to an office to I'm continuing to look for home based jobs for when this contract ends.

Anyway I'm trying to cheer myself up by watching sat night takeaway

 for all! Especially you @WaxOnFeckOff

Fess up and get signed off. Feel that concrete block crumble. Even if you just take a couple of weeks, maybe four, then by the time you go back the days will longer and brighter and we might even be making some progress toward normality.