Husband pissed himself, again

Your kids aren't making a big deal because they're used to you rolling over and accepting this nonsense, it is now their normal. They're probably sick of the same shit on repeat and likely couldn't actually give a toss if you left him, whilst secretly cringing that they have to live this life.

He has said it will probably happen again, you lied to your dad and said it would be the last time last year when it wasn't. Your dad and children are probably mortified to have to deal with this face on today sitting on piss covered furniture, your dad probably thinks the same as everybody else. You should be absolutely mortified and frankly, leaving your kids to suffer this shit show makes you no better than he is. Using your kids as a shield by saying they 'will blame me for the split'... speechless.

You'll be glad to know I'm going to shut up now because people have told you it how it is both last year and this year and we all know you will post this again next year, if not sooner. I'll waste no more time and you can get back to putting him before your kids.

At least now you know the truth. He doesn't give a shit and intends to carry on drunkenly pissing himself.

Better that than fake promises. Now you know clearly what your options are.

If your kids are seeing him getting annoyed at you they might be scared of him turning on them too or scared of it escalating hence why appearing to accept his disgusting and controlling behaviour.

My daughter has even said ‘he’s said sorry’ and my son now doesn’t even seem bothered
this should be the final push you need. You children are annoyed with you because you wont accept this behaviour. It is so normal to them to have an abusive alcoholic pissing himself in the house that they dont expect anything from him.

your children thinking this is normal is the reason you NEED to divorce him. And soon.

this is childhood trauma that creates damaged adults. Why would you not do all you can to prevent that?

Sport but divorcing someone and breaking up the kids family over this is madness.

If it was one of a load of issues then maybe, but I really ant believe someone would tear a family apart over this - or that other people are encouraging it.

My daughter has even said ‘he’s said sorry’ and my son now doesn’t even seem bothered

Kids accept as normal whatever they're used to. If they're used to a father who drinks to the point of pissing himself and thinks his wife should put up with it, that's their normal. If you want them to learn that this isn't normal, you need to act. Don't put the responsibility for this onto your children.

Your husbands an alcoholic OP.
my brother in law used to do this. He’s 24 and he quit drink 8 months ago and changed his life around.
if my 24 yr old brother in law can do it with no kids or responsibilities then your husband has even more reason to do it.

100 percent this!

@Herbiebanannas but it isnt a one off, thats the whole point of the thread. And he is abusive to boot. So i think what is more important for you now is to wonder how you read all of op's posts here, and reference to others she has made this year, and ask yourself what your childhood trauma was that you think this is in any way ok to subject more children to.

@Lwveeee213

How old are your dc?

Do you really think they have the capacity at their age to understand the situation?

In their eyes if someone has an accident it's just that. They don't see the other side of it at all.

I would use this situation as a time to move on as by the sounds of it it's not all that good and let it be a boundary you set and show your dc that if someone accepts and promises NOT to behave in a way such as this and then goes back on their word and behaviour it shows they don't really respect or care for the other person and that's isn't acceptable.

When your daughter is an adult she will then see a strong women that's set boundary's and expects respect in a relationship as both of your children will follow suit.

@Herbiebanannas

If it was one of a load of issues then maybe, but I really ant believe someone would tear a family apart over this - or that other people are encouraging it

Did you not read OP's first post?

Last year was the final straw and we nearly divorced and went to marriage counselling, and since swore and promised he wouldn’t drink so much that he would do it again

They nearly divorced, had marriage counselling and he knew that doing this again would be a dealbreaker.

He did it again.

He then, instead of apologising for pissing on the sofa while drunk, simply turned the cushion over. And laughed when his little girl found a puddle of his piss on the floor.

Your bar must be very, very low if you think it's 'madness' to break up with someone over this behaviour, especially considering the context of their history and the fact it's a repeated thing.

Your children are not the arbiters of your relationship with your H, you two are and you are both failing them abjectly.

What happened to you to get to where you are at now?.

Herbiebanannas,

Yet more word salad.

Talk about miss the point by a country mile. Your comments just make you look both stupid and ignorant.

Do you think at this moment that your kids would ask to have a friend over?

Your kids will need years and years and years of therapy to get over this.

Your home life is a slow-moving train wreck right now. You have to get yourself and the kids off before your H drives you all into an oncoming freight train. You can't take him with you.

It's not a failure on your part to end it. You can't cure the alcoholism, or control it. You didn't cause it.

You feel the weight of responsibility and hesitate to make the necessary decision, but you are making the decision every day to stay living in this, and keep your children living through it too.

You have to decide to be a leader and take true control. Every day you stay, you enable the alcoholic to destroy your family from within.

Why would they blame you for the split?. Where did such thinking come from?.
Did your own parents separate under similar circumstances?.

Children accept what they know and this dysfunctional relationship you're both modelling to them is all that they know.

Your children are now 9 and 14 years of age. Your fear of change has stymied you but it will still be your children who suffer the most from their parents poor life choices and decision making. Neither of you as their parents are acknowledging the effects of this dysfunctional home life on your children.

You have a choice re this man, they do not. They have to go along with what you decide.

Please read this last sentence carefully and think about what is being asked, OP.

I was with my ex for 20yrs and he wore me down with his behaviour over that time - not just the benders he used to go on and the resulting shitshow that would ensue as a result but his absolute lack of respect for me, our children and our home meant that, whilst I was never happy about each incident I didn't have the strength to leave him.

And also I never felt it was justifiable to break up our family over each incident in isolation. He would take the piss out of my 'nagging' him after one of his binge drinking episodes, would mostly think it was funny that he'd pissed somewhere he shouldn't/vomited over himself/fallen over and smashed his own face in. Hilarious story to tell everyone 🙄 and seemingly couldn't understand why I would be angry at him. He minimised it every time.

Luckily, he made that decision for me by having an affair and leaving when I caught him. Our children know what he is like, as far as I am aware he hasn't done anything like that during his contact time with them since we've split but then he only has them one night a fortnight so thankfully saves his nights out for all the other free nights he has. However, they remember all the times he did stuff like that during our marriage - they didn't want us to split up but now they are much older (teens and young adults) they see it through different eyes and know that it was the best thing that could have happened to us.

And I am a completely different person now. I am strong and fiercely independent and wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from anybody now. I have been out with friends/on dates and nobody has become so drunk that they were even close to doing the things my ex did - and that's because it's not normal to piss everywhere or become so drunk that you vomit every time you go out. Not when you're a fully grown adult anyway. And it's lovely now, and it could be for you too 😊

You must have a very low bar to accept this behaviour, it’s disgusting. Personally I’d have left after the first time, a grown man pissing himself due to his alcohol consumption is revolting.

Its all about what you will personally tolerate, I'm very intolerant of being paralytic drunk when you are a mature adult and should really know better!
Its not funny (as some people think) it can be really dangerous and its very anti social.
If the OP cant tolerate then she can't, her H knows this yet still carries on, its disrespectful.

He's not diabetic he's a twat who can't hold his drink and wets himself.
If he was diabetic he'd have had health problems before now.
What a strange excuse to think of.

OP, I remember your thread last year. It was revolting then and is even more revolting now.

Your bar is set so low that it must be underground. Are you absolutely sure that modelling acceptance of his behaviour and empty promises is what you want to show?

He’s got a drinking problem. Drinking to the point of wetting yourself once would be enough to make anyone watch how much they drink. The fact that he’s done it multiple times and now isn’t even embarrassed or remorseful shows that he values drinking more than his family and his own dignity.

@Lwveeee213 you are teaching your children this is acceptable behaviour. Utter madness to stay in this relationship and allow your children to be moulded by this man.

OP your kids are probably trying to keep the peace for fear of an argument, another awful thing they are having to deal with as a consequence of this whole awful mess.
There shouldn’t even be a discussion with your dh about this, not a chance for him to have any say or give any excuses or try and absolve himself of his responsibilities, you know that leaving by is the right thing to do, you know because you’ve posted this thread firstly and secondly the responses are unanimous. Of course he’s not going to change any time soon, he doesn’t even sound remotely sorry for the situation he’s put you and the kids in, again. Your kids will grow up with so many issues due to what they keep being exposed to, research says that having an alcoholic parent is one of the most damaging things emotionally for children. You are clearly the parent who can be the protective factor here, please choose to put them first now, before they are damaged further.