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Original poster

Husband pissed himself, again

228 replies

Lwveeee213 · 09/07/2023 00:36

Hi everyone. I posted a thread which ironically was about a year ago. Husband wet himself drunk in front of kids. Anyway it’s something he does when he drinks too much. Last year was the final straw and we nearly divorced and went to marriage counselling, and since swore and promised he wouldn’t drink so much that he would do it again. Anyway, I’ve noticed lately he’s been drinking more and more and his friends came today and this evening and he has drank LOADS of beers. I’ve not had a drink so was silently observing and he didn’t turn any down, encouraged more, never once said he would take his time even though he knows what happens. I gave his friends a lift home and left him on the couch. I’ve settled our daughter to bed, our teenage son is gaming in his room and as I’ve walked past and thought yuck youre disgusting, I see he has wet himself. On our couch we’ve had literally a few months. So he can’t even go one damn year. And it’s like he thinks I’ll forget the promise and he sees how far he can push it with his drinking until it happens!
I know tomorrow he will be full of guilt, remorse, saying he shouldn’t of drank too much the usual self pity, but I promised myself I’d divorce him if it happens again, and it has. So I guess now after twelve months of us having a relatively happy marriage I now have to keep my word as it’s clear he can’t keep any promises and he thinks I’ll just let him keep getting away with it! Any advice anyone please 😩

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 09/07/2023 06:43

Sorry but I only started reading because I thought it was a weird incidence of demonic self possession.

Chewbaccaslime · 09/07/2023 06:49

You can divorce him OP.

I'm literally in the eye of the storm with my separation. I'm gutted and devastated but already begining to see the possibility how much happier I could be on my own.

Just imagine a life where you never have to worry or stress about how much he's drinking ever again.

Clymene · 09/07/2023 06:52

You told him if it happened again it would be over. It's happened again. You and your children deserve better

Loverofoxbowlakes · 09/07/2023 06:59

ymemanresu · 09/07/2023 01:01

Is he pre diabetic? No? Are you sure? 100% ? I have experience of this and i was fuming too but it was due to genetic pre diabetes. There are tablets to prevent this .

Seriously? A man drinks so much he pisses himself - because he's literally too drunk to hold his bladder, has been drinking uncontrollably to excess all evening and has a looooong history of the same, and your first thought is diabetes?

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

OddSockSeeker · 09/07/2023 07:02

I can see why you’re upset. I would be too. I wouldn’t shame him as he’s going to feel bad enough. I remember as a child how shameful it felt when I’d wet the bed so as an adult it must be mortifying.

If you feel you don’t want to stay with him anymore then you can tell him in a gentle way. He’d be better drinking less volume in future. Drinking pints of beer causes incontinence in a lot of people. When I was a student I cleaned hotel rooms in the summer hols. I had to deal with so many wet beds. It’s quite common. Still not nice to deal with though. Do what’s right for you but be kind in how you do it. He’s going to feel so much shame.x

BillyNoM8s · 09/07/2023 07:07

If you're able to say that your other half has pissed themselves drunk on more than one occassion, they have a problem with alcohol.

Just get rid of him. It's so dysfunctional for your kids to be around this mess of a person.

I wouldn't want him having unsupervised contact either.

Get rid. Get rid pronto. That's my only advice.

mildlydispeptic · 09/07/2023 07:08

This is not involuntary bed wetting by a little kid!

readbooksdrinktea · 09/07/2023 07:08

That's disgusting. I remember a thread where a kid sat in his father's piss on the sofa after the man pissed himself in drunken sleep. Either that was you, or there are more of these gross and utterly selfish men out there completely disrespecting their families.

I couldn't and wouldn't live like this. Your children shouldn't have to. They'll look to you.

BillyNoM8s · 09/07/2023 07:10

OddSockSeeker · 09/07/2023 07:02

I can see why you’re upset. I would be too. I wouldn’t shame him as he’s going to feel bad enough. I remember as a child how shameful it felt when I’d wet the bed so as an adult it must be mortifying.

If you feel you don’t want to stay with him anymore then you can tell him in a gentle way. He’d be better drinking less volume in future. Drinking pints of beer causes incontinence in a lot of people. When I was a student I cleaned hotel rooms in the summer hols. I had to deal with so many wet beds. It’s quite common. Still not nice to deal with though. Do what’s right for you but be kind in how you do it. He’s going to feel so much shame.x

Don't be ridiculous, he deserves to be mortified. Why should she tiptoe around his feelings? He's a disgrace to get in that state around his children. The fact he's done it multiple times shows that he doesn't really give a shit, doesn't it?

Don't try and normalise this behaviour.

Get him out of your children's home.

LeavesOnTrees · 09/07/2023 07:14

It's happened again because last year he didn't admit he has a problem with alcohol and is quite possibility an alcoholic.

He's the one who has destroyed the marriage.

Mustardseed86 · 09/07/2023 07:17

I think you need to leave for your own peace of mind and for your children. He doesn't see the problem with his behaviour and has drunk to the point of urinating on your sofa. None of you should have to live with that, it sounds miserable and you will always be waiting for the next incident because he isn't taking responsibility and isn't likely to. Keep your promise. I'm so sorry, what a sad and disappointing situation for your family. Sending you love and strength.

InSpainTheRain · 09/07/2023 07:18

Anyone who can't stop drinking and pisses themselves has a problem with alcohol. You seem to be making excuses for him, please don't. You need to leave - it won't get better. Please don't make your kids grow up with someone like this.

SaturdayGiraffe · 09/07/2023 07:19

Staying enabled the behaviour.

DustyLee123 · 09/07/2023 07:22

Of course he’s got an alcohol problem. You don’t have to drink every day to have a problem.
The thing is, if you don’t follow through with ending it, it will just happen again and again as he knows he can get round you by lying and being good for a while.
‘Poor kids having him as a father,

MinnieMountain · 09/07/2023 07:22

You said yourself “it’s always going to happen”, so it’s divorce time.

hugefanofcheese · 09/07/2023 07:27

I'd give a choice of AA plus medical check or leaving. He is a man who drinks so much he pisses himself in his kids' home and doesn't realise. This is not a one off. He cannot ask you and the DC just to accept this. It's disgusting and out of control. He's not an idiot 18 year old on his first holiday with mates. This is dysfunctional drinking.

wormshuffled · 09/07/2023 07:40

I dunno about this one.

OP is clearly fuming about the piss covered sofa ( as would I be) but there's not enough detail about the drinking to class the husband as an alcoholic.

hugefanofcheese · 09/07/2023 07:44

Well it may not be that he is addicted in the sense of needing detox and rehabilitation but his drinking is out of control and he needs to accept that, even if it is not every day. I think he should be willing to look for support and give it up.

This happened previously, he insisted it wouldn't again but here they are. He isn't in control even if he could be much, much worse. Waking up to a father who wets himself will not be helpful to.the children at all. He needs to take this seriously.

Dillydollydingdong · 09/07/2023 07:44

My ExH used to wet the bed for the same reason. I was with him about 3 years. I left him, but when I got a new bed the old one was rotten. How on earth can you live like that? Eurgh!

MrsMorrisey · 09/07/2023 07:46

I had a boyfriend years ago that got drunk and pissed in my cupboard.
Disgusting pig never came to my house again 🤮🤮

MrsMorrisey · 09/07/2023 07:47

wormshuffled · 09/07/2023 07:40

I dunno about this one.

OP is clearly fuming about the piss covered sofa ( as would I be) but there's not enough detail about the drinking to class the husband as an alcoholic.

Sounds like a binge drinker not an alcoholic

pointythings · 09/07/2023 07:49

My late husband did this for a while and it turned out that he had a kidney stone. Once that got removed, it stopped.

He was still an alcoholic though, and eventually I left.

N27 · 09/07/2023 08:01

🤢 my ex husband used to do this. Sometimes he would wet himself wherever he lay, sometimes he would physically get up and go to the toilet….just in the wrong place. He’s pissed in the wardrobe, out the window, at the foot of the bed, in the washing basket. He had absolutely no recollection of it and never used to clean it up.

best thing I ever did getting rid of him.

solice84 · 09/07/2023 08:10

I had to stop my exh pissing on my newborn in his crib
And yes he's an ex due to his drinking
Being an alcoholic doesn't necessarily mean you drink daily and need a drink to function , if it's causing issues in your life and you still can't stop then you're an alcoholic

Valour · 09/07/2023 08:19

I have experience of this with my ex. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he did have an alcohol problem iyswim. He wouldn't drink for months, then he'd go out and get absolutely shitfaced. He's piss himself, or he'd fall and hurt himself. I used to dread him going out because I'd be seriously worried for his safety- he was in no state to look after himself at all after drinking.

Then one day, our young DC got up in the morning and went to the bathroom and found Dad sprawled out on the floor, sleeping and covered in his own urine. I decided then and there that this would NOT be the norm I'd be setting for my children. Left him, which was scary, but it was absolutely the right thing.

BTW that DC is an adult now, and he recently told me after a night out with his father that it was difficult and embarrassing, because exH got pissed and couldn't stand, couldn't call a taxi. It's shit. But DC knows, at least, that this is not OK.