In shock, just another one

[fairygodmotherto3]

I've changed my name for this, please don't shout troll at me, I feel too stunned about this myself. Someone dropped a letter through the door at lunchtime, no idea who, from my dh. Says he's not coming home, he's leaving me because I'VE been having an affair! It said he'd suspected for a while but couldn't take any more. I haven't, no secret meetings, no even mildly interesting texts, no idea when I'd have time to anyway. Tried phoning him, no answer and daren't phone his work, I don't know what to do. I thought we were ok, probably not the perfect marriage but ticking along alright. Got to pick up dd's soon, what do I tell them? Feel so sick and dizzy.

WWIFN, that is such great advice, in regards to requesting online phone bill! Also believe someone has put a pistol to his head, maybe OW, giving him an ultimatum.

As Brittany suggested: I also think that wanker friend of his knows more than he lets on. And he is no friend of yours or your marriage!

OMG - I am so sorry your DH has done this to you.

Please listen to the practical and sensible advice being given to you on this thread - he may have broken your heart but don't let him get away with anything else. xxx

And be prepared for more vile behaviour on his part. Mine took his wedding ring off immediately "just so you know the marriage is over" (or in OW's words "if you truly love me and nor her, you will take it off for me"). If there is an OW around, she will be the only person he will be listening to atm and there's not much you can say to him to make him think or do anything atm.

I told my DH (before I knew about OW) that it was not what I wanted, that I thought we should go to counselling and do everything possible to save the marriage, make it work for the DC and us without throwing the towel in so readily, so we could look the DC in the eyes and say we did everything possible. It was all water off a duck's back, because he was soooo in love with the OW.

Came back to see how you were getting on.

I am so sorry sweetheart.

NOT YOUR FAULT.

He is a dick.

Whatever the problems this is no way to deal with it.

Tosser.

.

What a dick??!!!!

Sorry, but sounds like you and the children are better off without him and I agree, sounds like he is doing damage limitation, I think he is having the affair but trying to blame you so you look bad, then when he "outs" his new relationship, everyone will pat him on the back.

Really feel for you, you sound lovely, and he doesn't deserve your love and loyalty.

Ax

poor love,
what an asshole!

Have you called your PsIL? And your own parents? I hope your friend is there helping you through this.

Whatever the situation, OW or not, he is clearly a total wanker in a bad place and you are better of without him. Take everyone's advice re: money etc. Have a glass of wine or two (but not three) and also see if you can do any sleuthing. He must have left some incriminating evidence somewhere.

Take care, we're all here if there's anything we can do.

Poor you - how bloody awful. Lock the bugger out and ring a solicitor. So sorry.

Thanks for all the reassurance, can't help agreeing about the OW, it makes more sense than a breakdown, sick as that sounds. Makes me sound heartless if it is though. If he honestly hasn't got an OW he doesn't sound like he'd mind the chance of getting one. Friend came round a while ago, has been a lifesaver, we went through the stuff on the thread and she's been to the cash machine for me, done the online phone bill thing and written post it notes about the stuff I have to do tommorrow. Now she's sifting through our paperwork while fobbing the dds off - don't know what to tell them or how. Got through to FIL, literally with her holding my hand, PIL's are shocked, didn't say a lot but they instantly said they'd come up at the weekend, someone on this thread was spot on! Think they want to be here for the grand 'discussion', I'm seriously considering not being here. I don't even want to talk to him now, so angry and tired at the same time. Friend is going to phone work for me tommorrow, I'm supposed to be in, and say... something so that's sorted. I want to know what's going on but don't want to even think of him right now.

I'm already holding my 3rd glass of wine loopy but I'll resist topping it up. Friend phoned my parents and took the earbashing, I couldn't face another call.

Glad to hear that you have support FG, and well done on being proactive. Whatever happens from now on in, remember that you and your DD's will be ok.

He;s supposed to get home about now, can't believe he's not even asked to speak to the girls.

Thanks CHNE, and everyone else, sorry if there's any q's or advice I miss.

Sweetheart, the only people you need to think about right now are you and your beautiful DDs. You have probably said and I missed it, but how old are they?

They have a wonderful mum and they are very lucky. Your love of each other with get you through this.

Sending you hugs Ax

Whatever else is going on, right now he is being a complete arsehole. There is an element of premeditation (writing the letter, arranging for it to be delivered) so he hasn't just 'flipped'. Get angry, FG. Get really fucking angry.

Sounds like you have good friends - that'll go a long way. Don't blame you for wanting to swerve the weekend, why should he call all the shots?

He's shown no regard for you or your poor DDs. Take control and make this run on your terms if you can.

I agree with Chickens, he knew exactly what he was doing when he wrote the letter and think someONE prompted him to write it and behave this way.

overtired - they're 6 and 8, and thankyou. It only just hit me this might not just mean divorce, might mean I'm a single mum too - didn't see this coming. I want to be angry, want to take control but just feel so numb, feel like I'm falling down some massive hole.

The anger will come. Let it. It will make you strong for whatever other shit he flings your way. Always remember that he has done this.

take it a day at a time for now. You can do the long term planning in a few days.

Keeps going round my head that he'd rather leave a whole family without notice and move anywhere else rather than spend any more time with me.

What a callous fucker.

Sounds like your friend has been brilliant. Keep your friends in the loop so have RL support. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Your friend has sorted the immediate cash and phone situation so that's good.

PIL are have been informed.

DDs have eaten.

You have wine.

Work is sorted tomorrow.

Friend has made lists for here on in...

So far, so good.

Cry, rant, sob, grieve, get mad, real mad, laugh, remember when 'X' happened......

You'll do it all tonight or tomorrow or the next day.

You and your beautiful girls will be fine. You honestly will.

He has lost more than he will ever imagine if he does indeed have another woman.

If not, and this is (but I doubt very much it is) a breakdown, I hope he gets some very real help.

Stay strong. Look how much you have donw in the last few hours?

You can figure out what to say to the girls when you are ready.

In the meantime, daddy is at 'X's' house or working away.....whatever it takes until you know more from him.

You will be okay. In time.

This is not a reflection on you, this is a reflection on him. He has opted to behave like a coward and get a fucking letter delivered to you while he ran off to work.