My wife says it's too little, too late

[benthebuilder]

Would have put this on Dadsnet, but it seems a bit quiet and I urgently need advice.
Basically, my wife has told me that my attempts to become more understanding regarding her needs and feelings is too little too late.
Dinn't realise how serious problem was until I read a letter of hers from solicitor regarding divorce.
Have attempted to talk with her about this, but she says it's far too late to show concern now, about 3 years too late actually.
I don't want a divorce, but she seems to have come to the end of the line with me and refuses to talk about it, saying I have left it too late.
What do I do now?
Also. I think things have come to a head over past few days and she is removing herself emotionally from our family.

Not being funny , but I did not want to start you all arguing, maybe I should just bugger off to Dadsnet, ey?

Is he asking for us to side with him in a domestic? Or just some clues on how to turn round the mess, from a woman's point of view.

Surely we can help his wife, by giving him pointers.

Like... go to couples counseling, if it's not too late.

I do take issue though with benthebuilder reading his wife's messages here in MN. That is 100% out of order, and I hope she changes her ID pronto.

AF not AR

you don't have to agree with me shiney

so you have hacked stuff (who hasn't?...doesn't make it right)...would you then go onto a forum that you knew he used to garner sympathy/support/attention etc ?

funnys, with respect, you have completely lissed my point

missed even

Ben, tis an outrage that you have been treated like this. Loads of men post on MN, who's wives, I suspect also post.

Hope someone sensible can give you some advice soon.

Ben _ this is how it goes with a contentious subject - some argue amongst themselves, some offer suggestions, some ask questions.

Pick the posts you think are worth responding to and respond to those.

This thread is going to move fast (it already is), so don't bother even attempting to answer everyone.

Excuse me, I have NOT read her stuff on mumsnet, I just know she goes on her, that's all
And no, I am not a wifebeater, etc, and am not looking for anyone to take sides.
Just need some constructive advice from a woman's point of view, cos we men are so obviously crap at this relationship stuff.

so what was your point, with respect?

I too need to know what the remark was before I can share my wisdom.

someone sensible, funnys ?

Ben - there is a risk that ShinyNew is your DW: if so you will get clarity and free comms now

No Ben, there's no need for that. You have posted for advice. If you were a woman whose husband was leaving and you posted for advice you'd get the same thing - you can't make someone love you. You can't make someone stay if that's not what they want. I'm sorry.

Mediation
reasonable attitude
no emotional blackmail
kids first
kindness
give her time

Maybe the marriage isn't over, if you just back off, led her lead the way, keep the lines of communication open and do things to show her that you want to change.

Benthebuilder...a few people have asked now. Have you had any counceling?

shiney

Ju...sort her out, please

ben - what Hecate said.

You seem to blaming a lot of this on the fact the you own a penis. Being the owner of penis does stop you from being an understanding, supportive partner. Being a twat stops you from doing that, but not being a man.

If your taking the same line with your wife, it's little wonder she feels all hope is lost.

AF - too late for that. That's why I'm trying to lead her away from this thread.

c'mon, your point was what exactly, WR? That men who have wives who post on MN are not welcome to air their own matrimonial problems on MN. They should go to another site?

Oh well done TDiddy- now he can stalk her on here