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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bum Sex & Wind

388 replies

PhantomFluffer · 02/07/2010 20:26

Sorry to lower the tone, but it is Friday and I've waited a while to find some advice/empathy for the following the problem. It sounds hysterical, indeed if I were to read about this on mn I would be rofl. However, it is a genuine problem and I'm wondering if it's a common occurrence.

Dh and I have recently began engaging in erm...rear entry bedroom antics. The issue is, immediately afterwards I suffer dreadful wind and if I pop to the loo I will almost blow the toilet off the wall and also well, pebble dash the pan. I also continue to be a bit windy the following day and worst of all I have no control over it

We only ever engage in such activities if I been to the loo within a couple of hours previous. The post shag messiness is really off putting and I often wonder how gay men put up with it! Is there something I can do? I'm not really keen on enemas or wash outs or whatever as it's always a spontaneous thing.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/07/2010 21:12

whomoved, i am howling on the floor now!

[places thread on 'watch' list for future reference ]

Jacksmama · 04/07/2010 21:21

Oh that's the best ditty (diddy?) ever!!! LOL!!

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 21:24

WMMC - sorry but i just stole that for my facebook. it's brilliant

Jacksmama · 04/07/2010 21:26

I think if I put that on my FB status several of my friends would drop dead from shock. Too bad

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 21:34

Giant and Jacksmama- I am sticking to my one dimensional description of "tanned" rod and leaving the rest to speculation, imagination, extrapolation. It is bad form for a bloke to waving it around, let alone on MN of all places.

Jacksmama · 04/07/2010 21:37

Oh why not... we all wave things around... you may as well too! Anyone remember MamaG's thread on weighing her norks? Took a while to clean the wine off the screen after that...

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 21:39

...I am not rising to size the challenge

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 21:45

MamaG weighed her norks? which weigh bridge did she use? her norks are huge iirc.

i dont think mine would fit on the little tray part of my scales.

though DP often offers to be human scales.

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 21:48

interesting....wonder how best to get an accurate reading of weight of norks without straying from the subject

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 21:50

I think it would involve a set of bathroom scales on a work surface.

I am almost tempted. not least because i just saw the deep ridge in my shoulder from wearing a bra all day.

I reckon they ave to be a godd few lbs each

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 21:52

I was thinking of something along the lines of Archimedes principle and water displacement but wouldn't work due to attachment?

dylsmum1998 · 04/07/2010 21:52

Glad thi sthread is still go am LOL a lot reading through all of this

haha bathroom scales wouldn't be sensitive enough to feel the weight of my boobs and of those that can!

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 21:53

Diddy - you dont actually expect me to be sober enough to understand that do you?

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 21:54

just asked DP and he reckons that they are each heavier than my new neice. she was 7lb 8oz.

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 22:03

Gigantaur- i am suppressing the schoolboy wit. ...i can only imagine

Ryuk · 04/07/2010 22:03

Pegging can be fun.

Bumsex, depends on if you're doing it right. Not amazing, but certainly shouldn't result in poo on the penis or pain in the bum.

As for the OP, not sure what to suggest about flatulence, although have found from experience that if you sort of push the wind out while farting into the loo straight afterwards, it tends to reduce subsequent wind.

Was going to say I hope that's not TMI, then realised which thread I'm on.

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 22:07

Got to admit that I've got Alouiseg's little surprise on the mind. Entirely feasible that my DW is on MN on this thread planning a little surprise....

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 22:08

i've never found a man that would let me try pegging.

xp did let me use a toy on him but he didn't seem keen and obviously wasn't happy to try again

Gigantaur · 04/07/2010 22:09

diddy - best not get your hopes up too high.
one slip to the south and you could end up on the couch

mumwhatnothing · 04/07/2010 22:14

What is pegging??????????

TDiddy · 04/07/2010 22:16

i can only thing of ladeez hanging clothes to dry on clothes line.....

mumwhatnothing · 04/07/2010 22:16

Never tried bumsex, not overly keen to but I am curious.

DH said that if I didn't sort out contraception before the wedding I was getting it in the bum.

I had injection next day. (contraceptive not pork)

candyfluff · 04/07/2010 22:16

what's pegging ?
also on the subject of female ejaculation i figured it was something you can or cant do ? not how the man/woman does it ?
am i being very dim!

expatinscotland · 04/07/2010 22:17

here

mumwhatnothing · 04/07/2010 22:18

OMG just googled it.

Nope, he won't let me try it on him. Although he likes to be jack russelled by me.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice)