ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Have decided to ignore those two twats that ran off. Have been winked by a 36yo gymnast, who's good with his hands (well he says diy) & my imagination is gone into overdrive .

Also got an email from another 36yo telling me "he liked my profile & I had a cute smile" .

Also got winked by a 39 & 43 yo but am obviously now going to ignore these for the 36 yo's instead .

On a less positive note, I decided to go back to bed for a rest as I got v little sleep last night. Younger two dc's decided to make rice crispie buns.............I now have a bottle of my best olive oil spilled all over my wooden floors, followed by a box of coco pops & then for some strange reason there is two squeezed oranges in an ice cube tray in the middle of the floor surrounded by various kitchen implements. I could hear them at the cereal but though a bit of spilt cereal would be worth it for the rest!!!!!!! Couldn't even give out to them as obviously it was my own fault..........

Ahh Starting -glad youre getting the attention you deserve! Sorry Dcs were rascals - hope you get a few naps if you can. I thought mine would tolerate me sleeping if they had TV/DVDs but finding this not the case

Tough - what was the poem you saw on your walk including anti codependency stuff. Sounds interesting.

Happy -hope it can get better for you. I second how Hs can hurt kids lives so much and be so d* selfish. When a good friend heard about my Hs affair she gave the best immediatee analysis/ response - just selfish selfish selfish. Hasnt been topped.

Glad we have a tent for the festival. I have mats and a few sleep bags so nearly there. The festivals I fancy next year are Lattitude: www.latitudefestival.co.uk/home/. Also Hop Farm the one Ive just been to. Also Cambridge Folk. Glasto would of course be amazing - but isnt it taking a break next year?

A good friend has been doing the online dating thing for a while so I live a bit through her. She has of course met her share of rejects to put it politely but has met a couple of lovely men. She is looking for lightning to strike though - and it did once but he decided she was too intense and they were very different on a few important points. So guess Im trying to say it can work well and think she would be further on in a relationship from there if she hadnt held out for the lightning. It just made me realise how different my expectations were /are.

Tougher it sounds like you are having such an awful time but really keeping strong - you arent going to be homeless are ? Hope not being nosey.

Happy sorry its still not right with ds tbh dont know the background - is it a case of anger at what exh has done that comes out in bad behaviour ? Ditto hope not being nosey

Gosh Pink your post made me feel really really . I felt similarities with my own situation in that in the last years its me chasing around for love , attention and respect while he held the power . Its taken me a while to realise the man that I was so in love with as he walked out the door was actually a construct of my imagination and bears no resemblance to the real life exh. In my mind he was a combination of the person I was with for the first 4 years or so and someone who I wanted to be with. I systematically turned a blind eye to the endless signs that I wasnt being treated nicely and how he had become someone else . People love saying " Oh people never change" but I think they certainly do.

Anyway Pink although that must have been awful whatever he said to reduce your feelings so much it is for your greater good. Dont want to belittle your pain but my brother said he thought I had a form of Stockholm Syndrome with my exh and it sounds maybe a bit like that for you too..

BUT (applicable to all Dumplings) just imagine when we meet someone who does properly reciprocate our feelings - how fab will that be our time will come Pink !

So Mumfun festivals are where its at ..concerned am a little past my sell by date for all that went to Glasto in 86 and was great so maybe I should relive youth. Same mumfun have avid dating on internet friend dont fancy it much tbh but she is always up to something from it hmmm

I know lets ask resident expert Starting - sure you were just napping while dsc were trashing the house..

Seriously Starting you hit the nail on the head about needing to be made of stern stuff I would be mortified if nobody winked etc . However as previously noted it hasnt been an arid desert for you since your split so maybe your esteem in better shape than mine

Tea I will look at the course later have been working on job stuff most of day and just jumped on to see what all you lovelies have been up to.

Off to google Stockholm Syndrome !

Happy - so sorry you're still struggling with your DS. Your H should really be supporting you all the way with that. I think we need to send the girls round to sort him out

H hasn't generally talked about his counselling but the other day he seemed to make a deliberate effort to tell me he'd been talking about work with his counsellor - clearly an effort to share something without going into anything really personal!

Tougher - you're such a strong lady, and your positivity makes me pull myself up if I'm feeling sorry for myself.

starting - you're very brave for doing the online dating thing at all! I don't think I could handle knowing people were looking at my profile and moving on! I hope you find some fun there though!

Mumfun - DS lets H go back to sleep if the TV goes on. Doesn't work for me for some reason - DS always wants to jump on me, but at least I can doze if I really have to!

pink - congratulations on your divorce. I know it must be hard for it all to be over, but you can really move on now, and have some fun

Tea - I think realising that I certainly am not currently in love with my H has helped me to cope with it all. I think falling out of love with them is a positive thing, even if it doesn't mean they can't hurt you any more!

All this festival talk is fun - I did a couple when I was younger, including Reading with H after we graduated. I quite fancy one of the family oriented ones when DD is a bit older.

I haven't let H's comments get to me - I think I just needed to get it out. I think all my happy mummy hormones are really helping me. Plus there are 2 particular people who have it much worse than me and are making me very very grateful for the life I have. One is a 26 year old with a very difficult 3 year old, a broken marriage and lots of health problems - including a recent heart attack. My life is a bed of roses compared to that. H and I are going to visit this week to help them out - he's actually taking a day off work, saying that our friend was more important than work!

H has DS tonight so its all a bit more relaxed, but DD is just waking up for more milk (she's not 3 weeks old till wednesday but she's gained 1lb 4oz already!) so I'll head off.

Hugs to all the dumplings

Tea did you contact the course people because it says 5th October next start date. Looks good but I am expecting my life to be fully back on track by then and to have forgiven exh for dumping me and to no longer be troubled by a single thought or emotion about him or our marriage ... seriously I will give it some thought .

Chairmum know you have problems to deal with but am wishing I could have my dcs back to that age - completely magical and I hope things with exh dont compromise this lovely time

Oooo it's been a while since I've been on there I know I need to register about 5th Sept or something. October it is then

If you come, shall we wear something identifying to recognise each other

Pink was meant to be humorous

I think my brother just meant that exh patently didnt really treat me well but I kept coming back for more but it was that love thing I suppose !!

What like our battered hearts !!

OK tea I will have a proper think need to know times etc regarding dcs

I remember that too gettin ,i think go read it pink{cant actually remember what its about
but perhaps brainwashed by a narcissistic tosspot}I always have a take the bits you need attitude to these articles if its not relevent ,close window.....My general philosophy ATM

Had a lovely day today ,very positive ate wagon wheels and drank tea turns out i have 3 RL friends and 2 from yesterday 1 from Saturday and 1 I started with thats about 7 ,amazing x

Mumfun will do re poem ... prob not back til next week

Miaow you sound fab .....This is what i have been working on slowing down my reaction to other peoples negativity ,especially their spoken word,previously i was like a deer getting startled,one minute it is grazing next minute it is running for its life adrenaline pumping.So instead of my emotions galloping of from 0 to 30 miles an hour i aim to slow down my reaction and say" what did you mean by that."That is my aim,step one is prob not to retaliate just go for a wee or put the kettle on.I guess i just mean it would be nice to be able to carry on a conversation with someone very blunt,without having a defensive reaction in between,you can see i have been taking this emotional immaturity thing quite seriously but i truly think this is an important skill to learn in my quest for inner peace and also as a parent.

Startin.... any possible action?

Happy hope you had fun today and enjoyed your garden,my lettuces are growing as you look at them just now ,lost a sunflower seedling but x2 left

Party hope you had a good weekend x

Tea hope the sun was shining where you are x

AB hope ur feeling ok you will get thru this you have ur beautiful dcs and you have come this far already x

ok going to post some tunes ....these made me cry a lot but also meant a lot so that is why i am sharing them.I used to dance round the living room to these.

PINK please dont leave me The perfect ALANON songjust reminded me of the crazy time when X first left and i felt free and calm again ,no need to shout anymore,but missed him loads ,but then i started driving on my road to fabulosity ,clunked the kids into their seats and off we went !

painted it redanother song for singing dancing crying and general boxercise,

think i should have stuck to just the lyrics with pink,that vids a bit distracting....

Startin did dcs manage to do look,taste, smell ,hear, and touch all in the one experiment ...i think they are gifted ,Nina would be very proud x

thanks Tougher I had a great weekend, lots of fun with DC and friends, partying until late. Wish it could be every weekend as they are harder to bear than weekdays.

Hope you had a good day today.

Anyone tried Zumba?

Zumba looks great can we have a secret Zumba party and bus in lots of "TAPS AFF" fit blokes x

Can i just say those 2 songs that i posted were my ANTI REPRESSANTS.I cried buckets to them ,but helped to heal me ,repression is toxic so cry, punch a couch,do what you have to do ,to let it out.Dont let the BASTARDS grind you down.Because thats what they are ladies BASTARDS and when you are in the early days or if ur having a wobble cause its scary and you miss them ,just remember these two words...
TOTAL BASTARD !

evening all, so many posts I'm having problems keeping up, a bit of a better day today

Gettin lord i hope not lol [re homeless]
Visualising gorgeous accomodation ,was thinking landlords might not be so sniffy re housing benefit as it is coming from David Cameron and he is an Old Etonian.

Love the songs tough, I have regained serenity today through gardening and let's call it combat sport

Hi Happy x

zumba parties here we come, going to try it with a mate this week rather than the gym for a change.

Oh and I have stopped listening to the latest Robbie Williams album as this is what I played constantly during my worst times earlier this year and now I can't listen without feeling tearful.

Have now got Kasabian blaring out in the car! Much better.

Hi Getting, can't really discuss DS stuff on here - can only really say think of various worst nightmare situations with a child and that's what it is . Think of wettest brown paper bag and how strong it is, that's xh.

For Party

Oh , have just found photo of ow on internet - bald eagle has been a bit careless. Funny thing is (can't reveal detail of this), found lots of photos of people out at a do, one of ow, lots of other people and then quite a lot also of another woman (quite attractive). It's almost as if he took one of ow and then couldn't resist taking plenty of other woman in a leery way . Anyway, ow looks alright but nothing special - don't like her taste