ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Dutch hows the dog?

Also going to 2 housing offices

Also my bath has a crusty dried flour and water paste going on,ds explains they were just being experimentors today,does eveyone share these nina and the neurons moments ?

Also just found Xs spare car keys,v tempting even just to park it round the corner and see his face ...

Or we could go a tour of Britain camping trip in his motor Happy!

Hello ladies,

I've read through the new thread and will try to catch up later, but for the moment I just have to get this off my chest while it is still clear in my mind.

H has, understandably, been spending a lot of time here - I have needed some help and he needs to spend some time with his new DD. I think I've been getting too comfortable with it all - with having him around but being able to be relaxed about it.

This evening we were having a casual discussion. I'd seen a picture of my sister, and commented to H that she looked a lot like my mother these days (I don't have contact with either and comparing my sister to my mother was not a compliment!) and he said that it was hardly surprising, considering their relationship.

I commented that it was supposed to be me that was going to turn into my mother (who has written a poem to that effect) but that I had managed to avoid it. H said that I hadn't run off and cheated on him (my mother did that to my father at least twice).

I said my cheating was the least likely thing to happen ever, and he sarcastically commented that he would be devastated if that happened. I told him that was an insulting thing to say and he replied that he couldn't see why. I told him that it said a lot and dropped the subject.

How can someone not understand that telling your wife, that you were with for 11 years, that you wouldn't care if they went off and slept with someone else, that it wouldn't bother them. Just shove my face in the fact that the man I dedicated my life to no longer cares enough to be bothered if I found someone else. FGS even if all the love is gone I would be upset if H found someone else. I dont know if he just didn't consider the implications of what he said or if he thought it was ok to make me feel like that.

I have been feeling so proud of myself and how well I was coping with a newborn and a toddler, feeling I was looking good, and now I feel like his saying that has knocked me down. I feel sad, even if I'm not surprised, that nothing seems to have changed. I see happiness for us at times when we are laughing and joking but the man that can say things like that is not one I want

Time to take a step back if I can do it without making my life too hard.

Tougher - abso fucking lutely will it it be harder to leave my house than deal with his departure and same for dcs Ok Ok am not entirely serious but not far off , this stayed our home way after he "LEFT THE BUILDING" which was years ago.

Tougher I lol when I read dumpling power will deal with those schoolkid gits !!

Hmmm Tea yes that looks interesting need to re inspect tomorrow, Brompton wheres that ?

Chairmum er dont know what to say except some of my worst memories , things that cut to the quick were delivered in sarcasm/banter/humour

Got to pop off ds saying where are you Mum dcs nose most put out of joint now I am on laptop and refusing to give it up cos am on MN

He could have meant a few different things by that comment. Do you truly think he meant he doesn't give a damn if you do cheat on him?

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face though, as help is great when you have a new born but perhaps some boundaries and agreements on visits is a good idea?

Eitherway I'm so sorry supermum, you are doing great and are a wonderful wife and mum. Most people would've given up long ago, you're a good woman, don't define yourself by what he thinks, you're worth far far more x

It's in London Getting x

Big hugs supermum,if ur h is helping out though then that is good can you rest and have more fun anya time,maybe other stuff will improve with his counselling,is he finding it useful,do you see a difference with him

Dc's asleep & I did a blitz to get house back in order, even polished all the youghart handprints from my windows .

Tea, that course sounds fab. You're v lucky to have such good facilities on your doorstep. It does sound like a great way to meet new people.

Tough, I've got the experimentors here too... Maybe the house move can be part of a whole new start for you.

Armbow, it takes time for the love to fade & it's v early days for you yet. I guess I still love xh but it was the man he was & most certainly not the man he became. I think a part of me will love him forever even though the person I love no longer exists . V sad & hard to accept sometimes. I had two young people in my family died v tragically & unexpectedly last year along with my g'mother & mil who were both elderly & I honestly feel at times it would have been a hell of a lot easier if xh had also died.

Getting, you sound like you'll be well able for the school post, good luck .

Chairmum, for you about what your h said. Maybe try to keep it to one side until you go to relate.

what do i do re access ,do i do it all through sol ?dont want dcs affected when h is so unstable.

not feeling the love after last text message,started with F and finished with UCKYOU

Temper ,temper.

I am limiting my messages to one a day,that says WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE

Armbow, yes I was in love with H when he left. I was in love with him always and my love for him deepened over the years.

That's what'been the very hardest thing for me to bear. If I wasn't in love with him then yes it would still be very sad but not gut wrenchingly unbearably heartbreaking as it has been.

All I want and aim for is to stop loving him ( I fucking hate him as well ).

To stop loving him is what would bring me the greatest relief and happiness and freedom.

What has helped hugely is something heartless and callous that a friend told me he said. It was so horrid to hear but I thought YES..good, I'm so glad she told me because it lessoned my love by about 80%, and I was so glad. Now I just have to work on the other 20%.

He really really doesn't deserve my love and I don't want to feel it anymore because it's more painful than anything I've known.

They say that you should think of all their vile habbits and irritating behavior etc but i live with all that for a long time and it doesn't really bother me.

What he said really did cut me to the quick.

Chairmum.......I think that was really nasty what your H said. Very helpful also though in you realising that he's not for you.

Wanker

Teaandcake, that course looks interesting, thank you. I live in that area so might think about it.

You interested Happy ?

Hi all -need to try and keep up with you

Tough -so sorry H has caused you so such grief - and that you have to move house etc (())

Starting - glad Match is providing a bit more quality. And that access person turned up as normal!

Chairmum -sorry H made unhelpful comment. Definitely best to park for now. You are doing a good job and glad he is at least providing some physical support.

Pink -sorry youve had to go thru all the crap to get the divorce. It is so hard but hope getting free will help. And for dating and encounters.

Happy - sorry youre having to deal with spineless H who didnt bother to give the whole truth. What kind of impression does he think this gives to the DCs?

Tea on one hand sorry about you falling out of love with H but glad he has accordingly less ways to hurt you -you are more protected. Sorry you are having to go the D route but he hasnt left you much option. Sorry financially he isnt stepping up to his responsibilities. Why cant he get a job to support his family? Grrr

Armbow - sorry your going thru all the pain they inflict on you. Definitely get some counselling if you can

Getting -sorry about the OW and Dcs stuff - but you are right to be serene about it as no other way to get through

Tough - thought your poem was excellent

Have to report that I have found a place to meet men -its called a festival! Went to one this weekend -and there were thousands of men milling around. Have to confess that had a good first night where got chatted up by several men - and I then got cold feet the next night and avoided all. BUt it was encouraging - as was chatted up by ages 28 through to late 40s. And also chatted to some lovely men friends of a friend - so had a good time. And drank and danced and dealt with the challenges of festival showers and finding tents in the dark. Feeling a bits sad that its over.

Tough, hard one to answer & only you will really know the answer. If you feel dc's are safe with him maybe organise it directly when the dust has settled. If not do you have somebody who will act as a go between for now?

Waves to Pink hope you're doing ok.

Mumfun, the festival sounds fantastic. Well done you for getting back out there . Well that's it confirmed then, we'll all have to go to Glasto next year . Good for you Mumfun, lets hope it's the first of many for you.

evening all, so much chat!

a thoroughly miserable day today - DS has been awful and I am totally worn out by the situation. It can't go on like this

Tough, lovely poem, you are sounding tougher by the minute

Getting, I'm not in Hertfordshire but south of the smoke

AB, well, as I wrote on thread last night I think I certainly feel nothing for XH now and it's a lovely feeling. He has behaved so badly that I just feel no respect for him, just nothing. He is a weak and dishonest man and I am well shot of him. It would be different if he had not lied for a year and been so unhelpful with DS - I just don't see how anyone with a child with problems can behave like he did

Starting, waiting with baited breath for some match exploits

Tea/Pink, course sounds interesting but not sure I can find time to do it now - finding it hard to do much at all at the moment. After this week I think I need to resolve home situation with DCs somehow before I do anything new.

Chair, sorry forgot to say that it's good to see you back on thread but that you're finding it hard with H. It sounds like he has a lot of issues to work through. Does he talk to you about his counselling?

Mumfun - ah a festival, now that's what I need to cheer me up. I have various tents (not sure how they go up) so we are festival ready!

Thanks Startin just very unsettled now,was ok when i thought he was telling the truth but now i dont have a clue what he is capable of,will get some legal advice .

he cant control me anymore he has to feel the consequences and he has to be civilised ,this isnt about my bitterness its more about his teenage attitude to life.its all ok if he is doing what he wants ,when he wants.
3 cheers for mumfun...loving the whole festival thing.

waves to happy x

Ah Happy, very for you & sorry that things have not improved for you yet. God I hope you get a break soon & that things start to turn for the better. Hang in there, sending you positive vibes.

Glad we've got the tent sorted anyway......

Report on Match, NOT for the faint hearted! As you know I put a pic up last night & obviously expected to be flooded with messages today . NADA! On further inspection my pic hadn't actually gone where it was supposed to go so I sorted it out about an hr ago. I fully expect to be bombarded with messages tomorrow so will report back then.............

The reason I say not for the faint hearted btw is because as I was admiring my new profile pic I could see TWO people came on to look at my profile & believe this or not, neither a wink or an email. I had to refrain myself from emailing both & saying WTF did they not see the BEAUTY before their eyes??????????

LOL Starting

The next course isn't until the beginning of November. I've had so many people tell me how helpful they found it, I wish November would hurry up But I am enjoying the Summer sun right now and all the trips to the park with the DCs.