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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

1000 replies

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 02/07/2010 01:12

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

OP posts:
Mumfun · 24/07/2010 17:10

Well maybe not famous but well known

gettingeasier · 24/07/2010 17:13

Come on do tell us who Mumfun

Sorry you have had a bad week sounds like nearly all of us have

Patienceobtainsallthings · 24/07/2010 17:14

Love it MF big hugs ...wishing you peace for the weekend x

beebers · 24/07/2010 17:26

i have just found out by pure mistake that my exp is not in newcastle he has gone to eastern europe. that whole don't contact me unless an emergency as i need a break, is actually don't phone me because then you will know i am abroad.

i don't understand why he feels the need to lie to me when i can't exactly do anything about it.

every time, i think i am ok, he fucking pushes that knife in a little deeper.

beebers · 24/07/2010 18:18

bump sorry can someone cheer me up

littlecritter · 24/07/2010 18:43

Beebers, I am a strong believer in karma. What goes around, comes around. You will have your fair share of well-earned good times in the months and years to come. He is just being greedy and selfish at the moment and it'll come back and bite hime on the arse. Rise above it and tell yourself he's having a crap time which might well be true .

beebers · 24/07/2010 18:46

i asked him why he lied about it and he has turned round and said i am a liar! don't know what the fuck i have lied about. i have just had enough of the whole thing. my daughter tried to called and he cut off her call. i am sick of feeling sick to my stomach. had a perfectly nice day out with the kids, then this happens and i am a bloody headcase agian.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 24/07/2010 18:58

Get the dcs to bed if they are little and kick or punch the crap out of something beebers ,it is so painful when they do this how fucking dare he upset your world and piss off to europe FFS your mission is to regain your positivity,you had it today ,you will find it again but you have to let go of this pain ,might be a hot bath tonite then early to bed ,2morrow is another day,might be you want to read a book or stay on mn 2nite and chat ,do whatever helps ease the stress bb This too will pass ,but right now it SUCKS !!!Big hugs xxx

startingovernow · 24/07/2010 19:06

Hi Mumfun, so sorry to hear you've been having a bad week. I guess it's only to be expected with all you've had to deal with recently. Hope your getting some rl support. This too shall pass, try to do something nice for yourself. Can we have a few hints re famous/well known person & play guessing games??

Getting, thanks you for your lovely words, you are so kind . I'm not certain but I think xh may have been using coc*ine which made him become violent & pushed him over edge. He certainly would have had anger issues in the past but I think he valued the marriage too much to ever lash out & had gone to psychotherapy to deal with these. I guess when the marriage was gone he'd nothing to loose. In hindsight I actually think his MH issues were worse than I'd ever suspected at one point he was diagnosed with bipolar but later said it had been a misdiagnosis. He regularly felt v sucicidal & I guess the whole thing is just a tragedy really, as if he'd continued getting help things would have ended up v different.

Glad you're feeling chirpy today. I guess just take it slowly with date man & see how it goes .

Armbow, that it terrible of your h with the trauma of breakup to try to burden you to work full time with such young dc's .

Beebers, dear god you x sounds like mine . I'd all that type of stuff to deal with & it actually can make you question your sanity . Rant as much as you can to get it out of your system & try to detatch. Have you rl friends to support you atm?? That is horrible what he did to dd , poor poor girl, my eldest dd has had that stuff too, so so sad.

Patience, that poem is really lovely . Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I am indeed going to do my best to be able to continue at college next year. . I hope all is going well for you with your h .

startingovernow · 24/07/2010 19:08

Patience, v good advice to Beebers .

startingovernow · 24/07/2010 19:11

suicidal - dah spelling really gone to dogs

startingovernow · 24/07/2010 19:11

LC, hope hangover has passed

beebers · 24/07/2010 19:41

why does he have to make out its all my fault. he is taking what we had and is making it twisted and ugly. i never wanted any of this, he did. so why is he turning everyhting on its head and saying its all my fault.

teaandcakeplease · 24/07/2010 19:53

Hey Beebers, I've been out all day, so I will catch up shortly on the entire thread. But I just wanted to respond to your most recent post. Mumfun posted this on my thread many moons ago and it helped me: divorcesupport.about.com/od/whypeoplecheat/f/blameforaffair.htm

startingovernow · 24/07/2010 19:54

Beebers, it's quite simple, it's because he can't take responsibility for his own behaviour........

teaandcakeplease · 24/07/2010 19:55

Sorry that wasn't quite right, try again : divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/blame.htm

beebers · 24/07/2010 20:01

i feel like i am mental, i properly feel like i am some mad ex girlfriend who can't let go. i never wanted to be this person. sometimes, i would like to just close my eyes and not wake up from this entire situation.

gettingeasier · 24/07/2010 20:37

beebers do you think it might help to tell us a bit more of your story to get it off your chest and maybe we could help a bit more or you may find one of us has had a really situation to deal with ?

I know how time consuming MN is and typing posts that take seconds to read take ages to write but it can be cathartic..

Am off to a house party up the road in a minute full of worthy couples and dull great fun. Actually I shoulddnt be so cynical just anxious about being only single person there

gettingeasier · 24/07/2010 20:40

Tea what happened about trip to Scotland ? Also was your h abusive then - I hadnt picked up on that before

teaandcakeplease · 24/07/2010 20:43

No he wasn't, it just happens that the blame explanation is under that area.

FIL tried to ask me about Scotland, he said "have you thought anymore about coming to Scotland" and I replied "No I don't want to come, it's too far" and walked off to deal with DCs but actually wanted to say something more extreme.

Popped by my parents on the way home and had a crap time. Posted in AIBU tonight.

gettingeasier · 24/07/2010 20:54

Whats AIBU ?

Good for you with FIL honestly I still cant get over that with the combination of circumstances they would ever imagine that you would want to go to Scotland .

Tea with them up there and "crap time" at parents does that mean you dont get much in the way of family support ? I sympathise as I have no family around , it doesnt matter now as dcs are older but I was at friends in the past " Oh Mums having the kids tonight "

Anyway must get off new love of my life MN and get ready to go out

teaandcakeplease · 24/07/2010 20:57

AIBU

armbow · 24/07/2010 21:56

tea - just read your AIBU thread - with kids of similar ages i can hand on heart say that i could not smack either of them, i was smacked as a child and it made zero difference to how i behaved. you have to follow your instintcts tea and it sounds like yours are spot on,

armbow · 24/07/2010 22:02

beebers - please do not allow him to control your emotions in this way - you were having a good day and then you were hit with a bombshell by him and now you are down.

do not give him permission to do this, you and your dcs are your number one priority he is WAY down the list now.

armbow · 24/07/2010 22:08

listen to kim

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