ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Starting wtf ? I am so sorry .

I hope he feels totally ashamed by your DD's remarks, out of the mouths of babes and all that.

I wish there was something of use I could say - keep kicking that beanbag xx

Thank you so much patience for taking the time to answer my questions.

i just needed to know because i am so scared of shutting the door on h and that meaning that i would never be able to get my head around it if he changed and asked to come back.

i feel that i have reached a wall - i want to move on but i am scared i will go past the point of no return.

i guess though as you have said that there is no returning to what once was only a new future.

i have an understanding of what i need to do now and that i can safely move on without fear.... thanks again.

best of luck

off to read other posts now,

bloody hell starting what a knob... i have no words.

i will punch my sofa on your behalf though.

you know that urban myth that says that if everyone in china opened their fridge at the same time it would cause an ice age?

well... do you think if all dumplings punched their sofas at the same time twunts would get their just deserts?

Starting, what a twunt. Bricks and Windows feel appropriate.

Ok, rage has been vented & departed tg . My system has crashed continuously since his email came through . Think it may have been gods protecting me from responding .

Thank you all again so much for your support. To answer the question of why he is like this........

No1 I ruined his life by discovering his infidelity. No2 When he couldn't deal with consequences of being caught & became extremely violent on several occassions instead of taking it on the chin I was a bitch because I went to the police & courts for protection! No3 I am now ruining his life & trying to get him jailed by turning up to testify at court cases which are arising from the above. Furthermore I am ruining his life by trying to turn dc's against him (it has been witnessing his own behaviour that is beginning to put my eldest against him, the other two misfortunes are too young to form an opinion yet). All of the above is despite the fact that I have bent over backwards to make access work, have always done my best to portray him in a good light to dc's, have always spoken politely & with respect to him (even at moment of infidelity discovery), despite the fact that at previous court cases I have always been asked for my opinion & each time I have asked that he is not jailed!

Tbh I am convinced he has a major personality disorder. I always thought he'd settle down in time but it doesn't look that way. I am going to need the patience of a saint to deal with him for the next 15yrs ..............

Good God, starting. How the hell have you kept sane through all that lot? You deserve an OBE for services to womankind.

Thanks LC unfortunately that's not the half of it . He has done everything possible to make my life a misery since we split & unfortunately he has the money, power & connections to get away with most of it. Despite having protection & barring orders in place on one occassion when I was dropping dc's for an access visit he reversed the car into me & nearly blew me under an oncoming car. That sadly is just one incident of many! He will never be prosecuted for the incident with the car. I am v lucky that despite his connections my local police witnessed him in action themselves when all this started (he assaulted them in our home & they had to drag him from house). He did everything he could to make the files dissappear but the person dealing with the case refused to hand it over & has been a huge help to me in all this. This same man is probably mingling with the elite & dining in one of the cities finest restaurants tonight being every inch the respectable business man. Am not usually a person to cry but just shed a few tears & then had a little pep talk with myself & told myself I'm doing bloody great . I am too, I've kept a v stable loving home for dc's despite a catalogue of shite from xh.

Well he might have money, power and connections but who in their right mind would trade places with him? He has nothing and you have everything.

My goodness, I feel guilty about moaning about my XP now. Hopefully, one day, you will feel sorry for your XH because really, he sounds like a very desperate individual.

LC, I actually do feel v sorry for him as he really has lost his soul in all this. Please, please moan away about your xp as it'll help me distract myself from my own . Tbh had a fantastic phychotherapist so have dealt with all this stuff . I am feeling good about life & just do my best to detach from all his crap.

Well, I'm glad you realise your immense superiority to such a twunt as this but I hope you don't waste too much time feeling sorry for him. My XP is an angel in comparison. He has no money, no power and no connections, he just can't keep his dick in his pants . Actually, I don't have any evidence of that but it's what I strongly suspect. I'll catch the fucker out sooner or later even if it's just to save my own sanity.

Sorry for gutter language. Too much wine.

Mine was the same LC but I think the truth always comes out in the end! I find it sooooo theraputic to use gutter language, there's nothing quite equals it for me .

Btw you must be so so relieved that your lump was just a cyst. Really glad that worry has been taken away from you. You've enough to contend with without that!

Well, you know, it actually helped to put things into perspective because it was so frightening to think that I might not have time to make sure my kids were settled and happy or that I might not be well enough to look after them. The strange thing was that I was so terrified that my mind blanked it out completely. I just couldn't comprehend that I might get bad news. I actually managed to forget about it while I was waiting for the results because the alternative was unthinkable. Quite literally. The relief when I was told it was a cyst was indescribable - have I spelt that right? Way too much wine now [grin}.

My spelling has gone to the dogs so you're asking the wrong person . I think the mind can only cope with so much at any given time. You had two major things happen together & you were bound to be blown into orbit. It's now in the aftermath you'll need to mind yourself as there's bound to be a comedown. It's v early days for you with your xp so it's going to take time to settle & heal etc..

You're right. I may be drunk but actually I think my story is far from over. You see, I still love him, I think. But I'm not sure. I need a bit of time to just not think about anything. Just to be myself without wondering who's doing what, where and with who. I want to get off this ride now please. And on that note, I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams.

Morning all.
Starting I hope you're feeling ok this am. You must feel tossed around in the washing machine after what's happened. And all after you contacted him re prize! As my counsellor would say 'its not you'.
LC, hoping the head is ok this am .
Ladies, I went somewhere yesterday all of us should go for the best meet up ever, The Serenity Spa !

Good morning.
Just googled Serenity Spa, Happy. Is it in Upton? If so, it's on my doorstep. I just might treat myself, it sounds lovely.

Starting, hope the sun is shining where you are today and for all the dumplings.

I have slight fuzziness of the head this morning but on checking the fridge I drank only half a bottle of vino last night. I'm a cheap night out these days .

No not in Upton I don't know where that is
A long way away I suspect from where I am today
I will tell you at meet up

OMG I feel like I've the most awful hangover & I don't even drink . Couldn't sleep & did something I've never done before, started to read back the first Dumpling thread. Dear mother of god what a strange experience. I was horrified at stuff I posted & revealed . Must have been the trauma, I think I must have come accross like a nutter . The only consolation is that I was in good company . I am also completely amazed that I was in so much denial about xh's behaviour. I think it took about 6mts for my mind to catch up with reality . Was like a strange trip down memory lane & I think I was suffering from trauma up to a few mts ago. I guess it's the same for most of us but sometimes I look back & wonder how I didn't end up having a breakdown.

Happy, the serenity spa is just what the Dr ordered for you I'd say. So glad you're getting a chance to unwind & relax. Enjoy every min .

LC, sorry you're suffering from a real hangover, hope it passes soon.

Waves to all........

Starting I had picked up bits and pieces about your split but your post detailing everything last night was so sad. I had the impression that violence had never been involved until then which struck me as odd as ime its present quite quickly or not at all.

I havent read the first thread but have read quite a bit over the last month and what strikes me most is your dignity and the high standard of behaviour you still show in spite of his actions. You recently advised me to treat my exh as a work colleague to whom I need to be polite and respectful as I will be dealing with him for some time to come. After reading your story I am resolved to return to those standards of dealing with my exh on the basis that if you can I certainly can. Tbh last half dozen conversations with him I have been extremely short and rude and I am being pathetic I suppose.

I hope you have people in RL who can cheer you up/listen so you can offload and just generally be there for you .

I am doing well today I have been to the gym and feel much more chirpy . On the back of that I steeled myself and rang the man I met last saturday . I must say he sounds really nice and interested in me and my life and I have made very heavy weather of the dcs (sorry cant see you until mid august because dcs on hols and dont go their dad until then and by all means ring me but if I am with them I wont be able to talk )but he still seems keen . My bf says getting you need to lower your expectations and go with the flow of things.

Anyway there were lots of nice compliments coming my way but not done in a creepy way so we will see. Bf offered to have dcs next thursday so I can meet him but I am still holding off for now !

Happy - can I come to ?

Armbow, Patience,Pink , LC and everyone else hope you are having a nice day

Hello

Just been strawberry picking twas very lovely

H rang this am and broke his silence he asked if he could and see dcs for a bit.

I work ptime in my own business which is great cos I get to see kids lots and it will fit around their school etc when they are older. I don't earn massive amounts but with the income and the tax credits I will be ok.

He told me I needed to earn more money, basically told me to get a full time job to ease financial pressure on him. Ladies my jaw fell to the ground u actually felt the anger rise up.

This man is not in the real world.... how does he possibly expect this to be possible.... I don't want to do it either.

I am so cross it is beyond description.

I want all ties severed I want him gone out if my life...I feel like I am waking up from some spell that he has had me under all these years

How dare he tell me what to do....

Startin ,hope ur managin to chill 2day hope ds went training this morning and you could view men in shorts .
Positives i can think from yesterday's bollocks with XH are
1.You never need to get cross about his ignorance re not replying to a text again.
2.You know with your dignified approach your dd has formed her own opinion of her father and told him simply and concisely the situation as she sees it.
3.Everyone involved holds the same opinion [except XH].
4.His business premises window is still intact.
5.You are still fabulous and 20yrs younger

SUCCESS

Sucess is speaking words of praise,
In cheering other people's ways,
In doing just the best you can,
With every task and every plan,

It's silence when you speech would hurt,
Politeness when your neighbours curt,
It's deafness when the scandal flows,
And sympathy with others' woes,

It's loyalty when duty calls,
It's courage when disaster falls,
It's patience when the hours are long,
It's found in laughter and in song,

It's in the silent time of prayer,
In happiness and in despair,
In all of life and nothing less,
We find the things we call success.

Visualising a fit sporty bloke to sweep you off your feet and also a childcare super star to enable your studies to continue.Is there any way the dcs nursey teachers would babysit for you .I know you will have thought of this before just dont want you to miss out on this startin ,not only are you good at it but it gives you that balance that we need as mums of dcs.I wont rest til we get this sorted ,you are doing this course next term !!!!!

Waves to everyone .

Happy ..spa day sounds fab you totally deserve it girl x

He has walked out x3 times AB and this time he's skint ha ha ha ha ha !
You are entitled to maintenance from him and you are looking after your dcs future by running your own business and working pt.
You are more in control of your emotions as the weeks go on and feel more empowered,so my advice would be ....Enjoy !
When he gets cross at you re money allow yourself a little smile and just think silly boy !
You are the grown up you are looking after dcs and giving them stability ,you are tanned and gorgeous you got chatted up ,he missed the boat poor love and now he will have no fun money ,WTF did he expect,should have done some sums mate !

Tee hee hee "should have done some sums mate"

Having a bad week

Then someone famous helped me on the tube today. Cheered me up - he was lovely!