ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

lol just look for the grass & check serenity levels, good advice though........

Hi Chairmum, glad you're doing ok & good luck with counselling.

Have made great progress with tidying house.........

Hi, just a quickie, got lots to do.....freinds coming on sat and I'm doing a mamouth clean and tidy.

You're all so amazing and wise and supportive and hurting. Why does it all have to be like this ? All so unfair.

Feeling really down today about h and OW.

He's hurt me so so much and for reasons I can't say......this hurt will continue on for years and years. I don't know how to cut off from it. That's the thing about having DC, the ex is always around and you can never really be free of them.

My story is.......

We met in our late teens and moved in together straight away. Had a wonderful time for 10 years before DC were born. We never argued etc. Got on very well, were the 'perfect couple'. He had one short affair but we recovered. I was so very happy with him....was always totally and utterly in love with him.

He left after 27 years together, over 2 years ago. I didn't try to stop him, I knew there was no point. He was gone within 2 weeks.

Said he'd always love me and always wanted me in his life.

I haven't set eyes on him since, nor spoken to him. Can't bear the thought. Would be too painfull. All contact has been through the lawyers......expensive, but the only way I could do it. He was the love of my life, I adored him. We were always laughing and joking...

Said he wasn't happy etc etc.

We had recentley addopted another child.

My parents still see him (complicated, can't ellaborate) so I have no contact with them now either. Don't trust them. Their disloyalty has been so huge. My only family are my lovely DC. I have wonderful friends though and have managed the last 2 years amazingly well with their love and support, therapy and anti Ds....and MN of course which I started last Dec when I was dreading new years eve. It was so helpful and made me smile.

Most of the time I'm ok ish now though the unbelieveble sadness never leaves me. I just try and think....fuck it and fuck him, snivelling little wanker, there are so many worse problems in the world than my arse hole of an h leaving me for some pathetic cow eyed b**ch. There are people with REAL problems, illnesses etc but though I know that's true and I'm so lucky in lots of ways......my sadness and rejection desperation and betrayal still remain while he's playing happy fucking families somewhere else.

I do count my blessings EVERYDAY, I really do and I also find Patience's prayer very helpful.

Fucking twunty bloody men.

Praying Mantis have the right idea.

Waves Smartie are you getting a holiday with the kids ,meant to be dry this weekend looking forward tumble drier is on non stop doesnt seem right in July .

Happy ,you know me better than i know myself girl ,so told letting agent what i was looking for and maybe something coming up in the near future ,better than where we are now ,would be nice to think of lots of grass for barefoot re energising LOL!

Startin i just thought last week when you told me to go out for a walk ,was the best bit of advice i could have had so again many thanks such a comfort to talk to my tree ,house would be fab and a lovely place for a retreat so i am visualising in a positive fashion and one day we can all sit and get eaten by midges together x

Fantastic news LC,
someone else said they have a lump too. Can't remember who said....gone back a few pages but can't find it.

Hi Chair, you must have your hands full. Glad you're ok.

love to all of you, Happy, Starting, Patience, Armbow, Mumfun, Whenwilli and everyone else.

Still can't do that going back a page thing Starting. Will try it out later.

evening everyone, looking forward to a nice early night tonight!

Pinksmarties - you sound so lovely and such a loyal person, you sound like the type of person who when they give their heart they do so 100% and it is very hard to take it back isn't it. i am still somewhat loyal to h - i defend him still sometimes but i am also a very loyal person and it seems out of whack for that just to change overnight. but try and hcange we must for our own sake and peace of mind.

The anger is still prevailing

... i feel a bit odd though because h has gone very very quiet have not heard form him for a few days. this sounds strange but i am worried that maybe he is plotting something as in revisiting finances etc and it has really made me feel uneasy. i have no reason to think this except my own paranoid thoughts!

in life in general i hate things being out of my control ....

and relaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi

Love the serenity levels of grass!

Chairmum - glad to hear all relatively well. Hope adorable babe is giving you some sleep.

Pink always sad to hear others stories and as you say here it is difficult because there are many sad stories for lovely people. Glad DCs still being lovely strength for you.

He can plot but nothing can be agreed without you

Enjoy the peace, he's probably up to mischief down the pub or something...

Getting you can contact other mumsnetters through the "contact poster" icon. Then you can keep your e-mail private. Maybe you should report your post to mumsnet and get it deleted?

Beebers - yes the little things are so hard sometimes - or the little things the kids say have set me off in the past but less so now tg

Ab- very useful list thanks

Patience hope you can find a great new house - hard to be sold from underneath you.

Waves to all other dumplings!

Well told DD re weekend no dad-she was fine. Told DS that H had made me very sad etc. DS asked what he had done . When I said re he was too young - he said tell me Mummy please tell me. It was hard not to say more but I didnt . He has been ok too really. COuld have expected much higher levels of upset as end of term and they are tired.

Woo hoo! Glad DCs took it well.

Getting I too am finding the family holiday thing hard -it has really hit home to me this year. What has hit home is I cant do lots of things as I cant drive the distances by myself for example. And wont be able to afford in the future if divorced.

But still very lucky to have friends and relatives putting me up for holidays this year so got to be positive about that

Mumfun I am going to savour my holiday as doubt I will be able to afford one after this.

Its funny I have got sooo spoilt never had a single family holiday as a child and never thought a thing of it.

Glad you have lots of offers and I guess it will be nice being around other people-thats why I chose the activity holiday.

Getting, thank you so much. Your post made me cry. Been crying on and off all day.

I agree with Armbow (thankyou too) that it's not a bad idea to get your post deleated because of your email (Ive made a note of it tho . You just never know .........

Waves to all........

Pink, your story as always touched me too . It is so f**king horrible the damage these men cause . However I too like Getting had been attending psychotherapy previous to split to split & found it hugely beneficial. Don't close the door on your heart just yet, there may yet be a new love of your life waiting for you (as I hope there is for all of us). V v sad you've the added stuff with your parents.

Patience, that sounds fab about the house, really hope it comes up for you, will visualise you serene in your new abode .

Mumfun, glad your friends & relatives are helping you have a break. From what you've said I'd say you could really do with it right now. You can only do your best with dc's & sounds like your doing a great job in supporting them in a difficult situation.

Getting, after all the crap we've all been through I'm sure the Gods & Universe will be kind to us in the future & make sure we get plenty of holls . You sound more positive tonight

Armbow, it's prob just nervousness of the uncertainty of what the future holds. You'll handle whatever comes, I may eat my words on this but I've always thought the emotional stuff was harder to deal with then the financial.

High 5 to Tea

Pink, so sorry to hear you've had such a crap day. Prob will help with the healing though. I'm sure a day will come for you when you'll wake up & the sadness will be gone. You're a lovely woman & you deserve all the happiness life has to offer. Stay strong & positive for the future. Great that you have the love of your dc's, nothing compares.

Thankyou Starting

x

Quotes for Dumplings

"Hatred in our hearts causes our enemies to triumph over us. Forgiveness causes us to triumph over them."

"You have the choice to be one of two types of people-one who brings happiness whenever he comes, or one who brings happiness whenever he goes."

"It's a new day & a chance to try again"

"Every disappointment in life can be a steppingstone to greater things."

"Troubles, like a washing machine, twist us and knock us about, but in the end we come out brighter & better than before."

"Relax & enjoy life. You'll never live this day again."

"Keep your face toward the light, and the darkness will never be able to close in on you."

"If your plans have failed, ask yourself if there's a better plan waiting to be discovered."

"Friends are those who love you when everyone else deserts you."

"There's a light at the end of every tunnel; the sun returns after every storm."

Ok, that's my daily positivity covered..............

Ugh, now I'm on the insomnia thing.

Wonderful quotes Starting I'm wondering what you googled to get those. I need to save them.

And they kind of are how I've been trying to live my life (mostly!).

i tried to lay the foundations yesterday so that my son could tell his own useless father that my partner has left us all. i can't bear the idea of him being smug and laughing in my face about it which he will do no doubt about that.

so i started explaining how we still loved each other very much but wanted to be friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend and that mummy thought it was best if p moved out. i then said that we were still a family and we will always be a family but as friends. butw e all loved each other and that was the most important thing.

do you know what my son said? yes mummy but i preferred it when the two of you were together. because you cry every day now. needless to say that broke my heart felt like another kick in the gut.

i just can't bear the thought of what his father is going to say to me when he finds out.

Beebers look at this way the sort of person who will openly enjoy the pain of the mother of his son is the sort of person who is best out of your life which I presume he is.

Perhaps if you can keep it from him a bit longer until you feel stronger you can beat him to it and be the first to laugh and make the comments before he does thus taking the wind out of his sails.

Sorry you are going through this

he is out of my life but i can't bear to look at that smug face when he drops my son back. he is taking him away for a week and i know something will be said. i just don't want to have to ask my son to lie as he has kept quiet about it since may. if i lay the foundations of what's happened even if that is a complete lie in itself. it will make it a little easier if he is thinking what the fuck is she on rather than ha ha she's got dumped.

Pink

Whether you think that you can, or that you cant ,you are usually right. Henry Ford

Please try not to close your mind to the possibility of being free of the love and heartache one day in the future. And as Starting said you never know whats around the corner !

I hope you have a happier day today and yes I have contacted MN about how to remove my post bit silly of me really but I had to do it !!

Oh Beebers This must be so horrible for you right now.

((hugs))

Did you master your Iphone? You can call them and they can talk you through it I think as well.

morning everybody

sitting here my morning coffee watching the kiddies dance in the lounge - have no idea where h is, such a shame that he is missing this. ds2 is just starting to talk properly now and is saying new words every day, i hope the single life is worth missing out on all this.

"Troubles, like a washing machine, twist us and knock us about, but in the end we come out brighter & better than before."

I think this quote going to put it on my fridge! thanks starting.

Beebers, the rawness of all this sounds very painful for you but .... you have done nothing wrong remember that... you can hold you head up high... just be you and you still come out on top.

happy - gosh did you actually sleep at all last night or did you just wake very very early - hope you are not too tired.

hi tea - hope you have good friday.

today i am going to do some filing (practical step) and be open and smiley with everyone i meet today (emotional step)

getting - hope you do a have a brill holiday. it is funny what you become used to isn't it - like you as a kid i never really had a lot of family holidays and it never bothered me at all, h though was one for a compulsory holiday each year (regardless of finances ) i suppose i am going to look forward to having a better bank balance now that i am not living with a spendthrift.
i am very thrifty