ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

That's such great news LC! Hope you've got some bubbly to hand!

Well speaking of putting our stories in brief, mine is too long and I think most of you new ladies have a fair idea but if you ever feel like here is my old thread which today I put a little update on, as I wanted to. It felt right to me to do so.

Haven't caught up entirely on all the chat on here today, off to have a read.

Getting it's the fact they're going on hols together. As Starting said in a better way than me

When H and OW stayed together for 3 weeks in June (talked about on the previous thread), I really really struggled and we've been separated since October, although I didn't commence divorce until April 2010.

Feel free to express yourself on here Getting, all those thoughts going through your head and feelings. It's probably setting off all sorts of things in your mind

LC Great news!

Patience - hope all continues to your satisfaction.

My story in brief. Together 14 years and 2 small kids. Had been unhappy for a year and had had the I love you but Im not in love with you speech. Thought he was depressed - behaving badly to both kids and me. March 2009 found stuff that proved affair of 1.5 years. April he moved out -turned down another chance. Lives with mother. Still with OW. Has just been proposing reconcilation but rebounded to OW.

Tea - didnt know whether to post on other thread but feel privileged to be with you on your journey and wishing you and your lovely children all the very best in the future.

Starting - hope you get your lovely summer soon.

Decided short term to stop H staying over in house and not share 'my' weekends with him at all. Havent explained why to kids. Just said very very sorry. If you were to explain what would you say? DS sad this am but soon got cheered up but know he will be upset at the weekend. My guidance overall is to explain stuff to them in an age appropriate way and not to whitewash H - but dont want to do blaming either.

tea- i have just read your thread i remember it now...stay strong.

mumfun - sorry about the rebound back to ow ...look after yourself the distance is the best remedy

my anger is coming in now....

how dare he do this,

how dare he put his own feelings before his own children - as a mother i will never be able to understand or forgive this.

how dare he come back to our home and complain about his life being shite now but never once ask me how i am

how dare he tell me that he fancies the thought of having butterflies about another women then tell me he wants me to keep the door ajar for him and if i become involved with other men or in his words "put it about a bit" then i would ruin a chance of a reconciliation.

i am seething

i have deregistered from match.com it was a helpful diversion but in reality i won't be following anything through yet, i proved this last night when a nice chap asked to phone me and my gut shouted NO i am just not ready.

my h is a prick and i hope this bites him on the arse big time.

Ahhh mumfun you posted on my original thread and gave me lovely advice, I wouldn't have minded at all!

Bit about your H mumfun, think I missed the fact he'd rebounded again. Nothing wrong imo to no longer play happily families and share the weekends. As for advice on DCs, I have no idea I'd vote on finding a simple way to explain it, validate their feelings, say you're sad too etc. And then keep them busy with lovely things.

Excellent Armbow as Anyfucker says: keep your nerve, your H has nerve in f*cking spades!

Glad you're starting to realise how dreadful he has been, it's all part of the process of moving from denial and bargaining unto anger

Evening all
LC great news
Mumfun sorry to hear about rebound
Patience, glad you are moving forward.
Waves to all.
Thanks for stories this is roughly mine.
Bald Eagle left last year after EA and PA with CountryBumpkin for over a year
2 Dcs that are teens, one having various issues that are not easy.
BE in denial over affair and emotional retard (I so love that expression)

Note that every dumplings meet up needs a venue, a date, endless discussion re arrangements and an organiser. If anyone fancies one we could go for say week one September in a suitable location for allcomers. Final arrangements are off thread to avoid Daily Mail .

I would like another meetup!

Cant do first 2 weekends September -would prefer 18th/19th somewhere London or closeish!

Sorry, I was too depressed earlier to outline my story & tbh most of it's a blur. With dh 12yrs, 3 dc's, numerous addiction & MH issues. Discovered proof of infidelity (after reconcilation & mts of counselling). Several incidents of dv, police, court cases, finally he was removed from house last Sept. Cue me feeling huge guilt for perhaps wrongly accusing him of being unfaithful & pushing him over the edge into brink of insanity! Mts later discovered what I had previously discovered was in fact only tip of iceberg. Helped me to finally realise the lovely kind man I was married to was never who I thought he was. Access & everything else has been a nightmare with xh since last sept.

Meet up sounds like a great idea

Mumfun, I totally agree with giving truth in an age appropriate way without blame. Can't really suggest correct wording as I think you will know yourself what would be best for your own dc's. Just trust yourself I'd say. Btw think it's a v good idea to take your own space at w'ends.

I was hoping for a meet up near me with the girls who live close to me, only because getting into London costs me money I don't have and involves trying to find some poor sod to take 2 DCs under age 3 for hours. And they're not used to me being away that long. My original thinking was I could hopefully have them with me

But I accept the fact that is selfish and if everyone wants a big meet up, make it happen Happy

Btw the practical thing I did for myself today was to return some of my sale item purchases that when tried on were not that great. The emotional nice thing I did for myself was to then purchase three pairs of shoes, a top & a pair of shorts with the money I should have been refunded .

Tea, if I make it over I'm happy to go where ever & will gladly help entertain your dc's. In fact I also thought of bringing mine to last one as a last resort!

Armbow, prob v good for you to be feeling kick ass atm. Also a good idea to give yourself time before getting into anything new. Maybe you could link your nice guy to my match profile & I'll take him off your hands

Tea I'm hopeful we can find something that suits all that come. If not we could always have more than one and you locals could meet share and report back.

Its fucking great isnt it that we are left to use plain english age appropriate etc etc to make it right for them and we do it for dcs and what do they do for dcs oh yes thats right walk out.

Know what its lucky dcs are in bed mood I am in I would love to tell them what exh is and not because he doesnt love me thats life but everything else hes about .

Too angry

Getting, I know how tempting it would be to do that but it would really really only hurt dc's & despite xh being a prick they don't deserve that . Kick a pillow around the place or go out the garden & keep shouting fucker till your hoarse...........

Armbow is angry too & I'm fed up so you're in the right place

i am angry too getting i have just ripped up a wedding photo

Btw as it's gone past the witching hour maybe postpone shouting out in the garden in case you get arrested for causing a disturbance . Angry is good, it's part of the healing. We used to kick the shite out of a beanbag in this house back in the angry days . Still give it a swipe every now & then........

Armbow don't rip all the wedding photos, I've a friend that did this & deeply regrets it yrs on

just ripped up one - left the album firmly alone

starting - i am so sorry you have such a shit ride with your h. i know what you mean about it being a blur.

it is 1 month for me on saturday and each day seems to have merged into the next.

i was lookig at photos when we went on our first holiday together (i was 18) i just wanted to scream at the girl in the photo to run away because he will break your heart.

and i wanted to sceam LIAR at him when i saw him in our wedding photo - that is why i tore it up.

i wont do that to any others though because he is the father of my children and i want them to know that he thought he loved me once.

Armbow, so glad you didn't attack the album & well done for your attitude about being able to show them to dc's. I guess instead of looking back & wanting to scream at that 18 yr old girl to run (25 in my case), I try to see all the good that came from my marriage & to see how all this has really molded me into a better person. It would have been so easy to tear strips off my xh or to become bitter but the reality is he is a pity & I just keep the focus on having a great life with my dc's day by day.

depsite my anger the truth is, knowing what i know now i would do it all again (warts and all) otherwise i would not have 2 wonderful boys. end of. for that i am grateful.

as for the child i married, well i hope he finds his shallow pleasures worth while and i hope he has plenty of 'butterflies' with women, and when christmas comes and he is on his own i hope he feels deep remorse for his actions.