ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

And just in case there was the remote possibilty of knocking out the dc's & picking up some random stranger for a night of passionate sex...........my mother has decided to join me for a wk.........

Oh I'm not going there I'm going to C.
And to N this weekend for some S.
S is not sha**ing btw.

Glad you clarified the S bit........

Speaking of S & all things related forgot to up-date on the whole bloody match.com business. Well went on there today to check after about a wk or 10days of ignoring it. Have been viewed by over 130 men at this point, had about 15 emails that did not even justify a response & no winks worth mentioning either!!!!!! Armbow be grateful you only wasted £30 on the whole process, I threw £70 down the drain (that could have been wisely spent on sales ).

Which reminds me Getting you lucky lucky bi*ch..............a man who calls you gorgeous & is persuing you by text & is younger & fit...............what are you waiting for????????

Yes all good so long as not PPT

Incidentally nothing happening but I am back to long chats with musicman. He can pull my strings any time

Oh mumfun I'm so sorry

Need to go to bed but just having a quick check. Could not reply to that. Sending you ((hugs)) lovely lady x

• couldn't not

reading that back i know the advice i would give myself

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE

Just checked back in aswell as I'm suffering from terrible insomnia for past few wks again

Armbow, ending a marriage is never black or white. I know for myself if you'd asked me yrs ago if x happened what would I do, well my answer would have been to boot xh's arse out the door so fast he wouldn't have know what hit him. In reality, xyz++++++ happened but when there are dc's in the mix it really complicates things. I also had this insane notion that no matter what xh did we could work through it & I'd forgive him as long as he wasn't unfaithful!!!!!!!! It is completely normal to have doubts & think of giving it another go etc. My advice is to take your time whatever you decide & I think counselling for yourself would be v beneficial & if you were going to give it another go then couples counselling. Tbh though as long as he is still dithering I think you should step well back, if things have any chance he'd want to be pounding down your door begging forgiveness etc....(that would be my opinion anyway)

Musicman & DJ Happy

Starting hope you got a decent sleep

Today is a new day....

Practical step. Sort out tax credits
Emotional step. Got some st proper yesterday as a treat so going to do that I'll be bronzed by teatime

Morning all AB, I hope you have a better day today. I would be inclined to focus on you and the kids and see what happens. Before you joined the thread I had a drama with XH and got some good learning from counsellor on staying out of the drama triangle. Try looking it. It has worked for (largely) and improved my serenity.
Well my practical step will be to do some paperwork for sol.
Not quite sure about emotional step.
Now tell me, I've been debating what to do about telling DCs about divorce. Think I should get it over with and keep it brief?

How old are they and how long have you been separated ?

Not feeling great this morning actually dont most mornings, does anyone else find they wake up feeling really quite anxious almost unwell but improve as day goes on ?

As I asked myself the other day when on earth does life become normal again its been six months since he left fgs

Getting yes I find that too

Happy yrs staying out of the drama sounds good yesterday feels like such a wasted day ifyswim

Re kiddies agree with keeping it brief but simple

Yeah tell them Happy they've probably figured it out anyway or expect it to happen, keep it brief but to the point as yours are much older Can you do something nice with them after?

Armbow pay no attention to your H's e-mail. Reality is starting to hit him on his choice and he's thinking "oh sht I'm going to have to financially support her, find somewhere to live, won't get all the equity in the property and in a divorce they may favour her, my bank account doesn't look great, what have I done? etc" It's all transferred anger/ worry and it's not your fault, he chose to walk out on you. It's not your problem, try to rise above it. Your H armbow is a serial adulterer isn't he? Stop allowing him to screw with your head. In your situation, you are better off without him. It is hard to move on, especially when they have second thoughts and cry etc but in your situation he will* cheat on you again. I became so focused on trying to salvage my marriage at one point and then finally had a reality check. Lying is not what he does, it's who he is

Starting's words are wise, it's never that simple but I do urge you to create space from him again, get all benefits directed into your own account, go and see lone parents section in the job centre for support necessary to manage etc. Try and carve out a life for yourself and only when you're completely ready begin the divorce process.

Getting they are teens and XH left under a year ago.
I think I will tell them but I just hate all of this stuff and and tbh XH has always been so f* hopeless about putting anything out in the open that I've almost lost the ability to see what's normal

Waves to all and have a lovely day

Ladies I hope you won't mind if I intrude on your thread. I lurk on this every now and then, because in most cases I contributed to your original threads and care about how you are getting on. I'm really concerned about a couple of recent posts.

Littlecritter I'm sorry, I think XP and OW are lying to you. The reason you finally went looking for evidence of an OW was because all his behaviour pointed to a current affair, not an old, done-and-dusted emotional affair. I simply don't believe this explanation at all, but I think it's one they have cooked up, possibly to preserve her marriage. Your XP wanted to leave and came out with that rubbish line about not being in love with you. He wouldn't have done that if he wasn't having an affair at that point.

Now I know you've got bigger fish to fry at the moment and I will be thinking of you tomorrow, but please do some more checking, because I do not think you are getting the truth. They are both only admitting to what you can prove - they could hardly have claimed nothing was going on after you found that slushy letter, but presumably if it didn't mention sex, they realised that you couldn't prove it.

I'm assuming too that OW didn't confess all about this emotional affair to her DH a year ago? That he has only found out that anything at all went on, after you did? Well I think that poor man is in denial too.

Please verify everything and never under-estimate how much people lie in panic and to save their own skin. And in a more general sense, please don't under-estimate what this man has done to your mental health in recent years, convincing you that it was your bereavements, grief and illnesses that caused your problems.

But even if you can get past this, it is always a false dawn if you move on when there are still massive secrets and lies. Sorry .

Armbow I'm really sorry too to read that you are still showing him how invested you are in his feelings. His actions sending you that E mail tell you who he is, not the tears and confused look. Please see this and regain that strength - and do not under any circumstances feel guilty about moving on and away from him, although tbh, I think you'd be far better on your own for a while.

As you were, ladies - and keep supporting eachother.

Well I don't mind you posting on here personally. You certainly have an incredible memory! I cannot remember people's threads I posted on 2 weeks ago Let alone their back story but your advice is always spot on x

Yes I remember telling everyone everything but my situation went awry due to exh lying.

I guess if they are in their teens its not going to come as a surprise and its best if they hear it from you first.

God its all so hard isnt it

WWIFN - I don't know what to think. I don't trust anyone at the moment, including myself. Apparently OW's H had suspicions for a long time culminating in him coming round to our house and accusing XP last Xmas (I was at work). OW had already told her H that she had feelings for someone else and they decided to work harder at their marriage.

My plan was for XP to get a flat. I thought OW's marriage would be in tatters (it isn't apparently) and then I would see what happened between them if they were both free agents.

XP hasn't moved back in. He wants to come home but I have told him I don't know what I want and he understands that. He is coming with me to my appointment tomorrow and everything else is on the back burner until I get the all-clear.

But, get this - of the 16 nights that XP has been away from home he has spent 3 as a guest of OW and her H!!!! All with his full knowledge that they had a relationship. Isn't that odd? Or perhaps, as I said to XP, it's a case of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.

Well littlecritter there are already holes in their story then aren't there? If this relationship started/ended just over a year ago, the OW's H wouldn't have been confronting your H at Christmas would he? This is such a web of lies, I'm afraid.

The H's reaction, I'm afraid accords very much with my own personal experience of male reactions to infidelity, in that they are very often more forgiving, at considerable cost to themselves. Don't let his reactions blind-side you. If your ex had any shred of decency, he would not have stayed at that poor man's house.

What other methods have you got of verifying the truth here? Please use them - and have a chat with the H on your own, not in front of those two. Together you can confront and challenge eachother's denial.

He was having an affair with someone when you made your discovery, of that I am certain.

I knew when i saw your post whenwilli that i was going to get told off

seriously though thank you so much for your continued support it meant so much to me at the time and it is nice to know you are on the look out for us on here.

the girls on here can vouch for the fact that i was atcually doing very well UNTIL he sent me that awful email, it was not abusive but had a very angry tone - woe is me - "look at povery i am going to end up in - it ios rubbish being teh bloke in all this etc."

it really knocked me for six and has set me back, it panicked me tbh as i don't want us to be angry with each other and so i over stepped the boundary that i had created between us.

when he came round last night it was like a tape recording... i went to bed feeling very low but woke up with a renewed sense of vigour

i had a text message from him today - again complaing about his lack of funds.

you are right i have to look at his actions not his words - i have heard you day it so many times before. and right now i think he is playing on my better nature.

the truth is last night when he said he thought he was having second thoughts my heart sank to think i would have to go through all of this again, because it would happen again, unless he had a complete character change which let's face it is not going to happen.