ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Totally agree re forgiveness Startin' even with tonites bullshit included i am still in a place where i have forgiven X.This is closure for me on a lot of levels I no longer repeat in my head the painful early stages ,i have let this go.I think now i am entering into "the firsts" just a lot of decisions that i have to make on my own,but i will make them and i will be stronger for it.I dont feel hate towards X although sometimes i have cause to resent what has happened to us as a family because the consequences of his behaviour have started to kick in.I hope one day he will see that the company he keeps are not the right people for him to be around and i hope he will always know his family loved him .

Patience that is so good to hear. It's when we can start to leave behind all the negative emotions etc that we can really begin to move forward. I wish you & your dc's the best outcome in all of this whatever that may be. That is not to say I don't have compassion for your h also but just that you & dc's have to be the priority for now.

I think i just overloaded myself with pressure this week, will def go and sit under my tree again tomorrow , tonite i feel i am more grounded and will try and stay in the day rather than stressing about the rest of my life ,will just try and take baby steps and protect my energies then my kids will be fine x

Have a small confession........ have indulged in a little bit of retail therapy yet again..........two mac type coats (one red/one black), a dress top, two sets of bras & knickers (my passion) & two pairs of shorts (for my holls as I won't be needing them here with rain!).

No idea why I bother doing this anymore , have wardropes full of clothes & I never go anywhere . They give me pleasure to look at anyway . Ok, am vowing to stay away from sales for foreseeable future but even as I type I'm thinking the NEXT sale is starting tomorrow & I could get loads of bargains for dc's..............

X post & feeling really . You're talking about major stuff & here I am waffling on about clothes

Patience, it is indeed a v scary place to be. I'm further down the road but still can find it v hard. Your dc's will indeed be fine as long as you take care of yourself.

No worries mate Enjoy your new clothes ,hope its sunny next week it def helps my glow x

F**k, I'm a lost cause for sales, just remembered I'm minding two other children tomorrow along with my own 3 so can hardly drag 5 dc's to sales! Am now sat here wondering if it would be insane to drag dc's out of their beds at 4am! Other two are arriving at 7am so could be back in time...............

Hmm well I say fuck forgiving and constantly rising above things in the name of some later to praised for control crap and just tell that what he is . I am seriously bored with decorum and I wish I had been on the J Kyle show.

Getting, you're allowed to do that too. Might be better however to put the poison you feel towards xh into a journal for now. You forgive for yourself, so that you'll be able to move on, it's nothing to do with them really or rising above things . I do know how you feel though & as I posted I have not always managed to rise above things either........

morning all...

Have a big list of lots of pisitive things to do today. both practical and emotional to make me feel happy.

I have decided to do one thing each day to practically improve my situation and one thing each day to look after myself. this way it does not seem so overwhelming - as patience said last night baby steps...

I had a bit of a light bulb moment yesterday, DS1 had a end of term assembly and i told h about it - he would have always come to stuff like that before but he did not show no text to say whether he could make it or not just a no show. sitting there in the audience on my own i really felt for the first time in all this that it was just me and the kids with h now choosing to pop in and out when it suited him. (yesterday obviously did no suit him )

my feelings have changed so much towads him now i hardly recognise him. to think that this time 3 weeks ago i was distraught (i think was the word i used in my thread) and now it is more of a steey resolve to protect myself and my kids from an unreliable twunt.

positive obviously

Armbow, that is so sad about h being a no show or not even texting. Sadly I too had all this & I agree this type of stuff is like a slap of reality!

The list sounds like a great idea.

Does dragging dc's out of their beds at 5am for the next sale count as a positive practical thing??

Got loads of stuff for next year for dc's but didn't have much time as I'd to be back for two friends of my dd's that are staying for day. Didn't get to look at ladies stuff so maybe tempted to return tomorrow.........could be my positive practical thing for tomorrow perhaps??

Armbow sorry he didn't turn up but glad you're finding the steely resolve necessary to stay strong and move on.

Starting, I want to be at Next sale but DS was so tired I had to put him back to bed for a nap. Hoping I'll be able to go later.

Tea, glad to have a kindred spirit . I buy most of dc's clothes & shoes a year or so in advance during sales. Cuts the cost of clothing 3 dc's but unfortunately I have a tendancy to get carried away

That's my plan to pick stuff up for next year If he ever wakes

Right time for another coffee and maybe I should play with my DD, instead of letting her watch Disney's Peter Pan alone

Well I'm beginning to seriously wilt now, just spent an hr & a half with ds for his first training at local pitch . I now have to keep 5 dc's entertained for the day............

Hi all
So many posts to comment on, so where to start..
LC, hope you're ok and convinced that your test will show all ok
Patience, good name with appropriate level of serenity
Next shoppers, no way I can get up that early
AB, I like the one practical and one positive thing, I'll try that myself
Starting, how you can cope with 5 DC's I do not know, I would suggest ring fence somehow and leave them to it
Tea, I've noticed the serenity shining through in your posts and am v impressed - I will try to learn from this
Getting, I can see why you feel angry and think that you and I can learn a lot from Starting's words - "The decisions he has made will prob haunt him for a long time to come & hinder any true happiness". Although I have felt angry too I think that Bald Eagle does feel what Starting says. And that's fine with me.

All is moving along here. Bald Eagle is now going for "the divorce" which should be fun. Have managed to feel better by this by going to fabbo party last night and having great time. I saw a lot of people there that I hadn't seen for some time and did plenty of catching up which was lovely. I felt supported and good TBH as Baldie has just walked away from all of those people for his new life and it felt good to know lovely people who are "mine". Some are people I know well, others just local parents I've known for many years not necessarily in a close way, but lovely nevertheless. Although in many ways I'm in a difficult situation, I'm just so much happier and so much more "myself" without XH and do realise more and more that living with someone so emotionally closed just destroyed me over the years.

All calm here tg.... H seems to be having a breakthru "the grass isnt all that green where he is "moment. dont know what this means ...dont know if i can actually take anymore emotionally ATM.Just kind of accepted the conversation as i washed dishes and sorted out the ironing in a kind of ,whatever you are feeling like today sort of way.I no longer have the energy for anything else.... just positive respectful behaviour ..Think last nites chaos has shown him his friends are troublemakers and he doesnt want to be with them or like them.Anyway watching handy manny and eating toast that is how stressed i am allowing myself to get over this ,next i will go and talk to my tree and take the kids and dog a walk.I swear to fuck you def couldnt make this week up !Rock n Roll x

ps Good Luck Startin sounds like the kids will have great fun...hope it didnt rain this morning at the pitch bet ds had great fun x

XP Happy glad you had a fab party i really need to inject a bit of fabulosity back into my life ATM .That will be my aim for next week to rediscover my fabulosity and start to look after myself again......

Dear Mother of God, ds has a lego set with approx 1000 pcs that makes a fire engine & which he is now asking me to make! I can barely keep my eyes open, in fact I confess I snuck upstairs awhile ago & had a cat nap! .

Happy, I so agree with your last sentence above. Insert emotionally unstable for emotionally closed & bingo! Glad you had a good night out.

Patience I guess you'll just have to stand back & observe regarding h. Ds did indeed have a fab time & this might sound stupid but I actually feel so proud to have got him into club. They normally only accept at 6yrs & ds only turned 5 last wk but has wanted to do this for so long! Somebody I know who knows ds & I think feels v sorry for him being fatherless as such made a few calls to get him a trial . Wasn't sure if he'd be accepted (that depended on himself this am) but appears like he will be as I was told to bring him back next wk & to fill in forms etc..

LOL at lego Startin another dumpling Supermum,so good for ds to get into the club.I kept ds at martial arts and think loads of positivity from the guys that teach and good discipline .Everytime ds doesnt pay attention he has to do 10 press ups ,he is going to have biceps like a builder soon ,he just turned 5yo.
Agree re living with bloke emotionally challenged ,really negative stuff ,just told H today i have zero tolerance level to any bullshit now, i have been thru too much.Need to protect my children and myself.

Ok so kids have rest of my day planned we are all doing the following,

Trampoline.
Walk in the woods,
Tea then telly,
Bath and bed .

Keep smilin'

My goodness patience sounds like you are more than living up to your name!!

Hope everyone is having a good day

Have pulled myself together a bit made it to the gym today and been much more chilled.

I have been persuaded into going to a singles party/speed dating evening in Westminster later with my very good but quite a handful friend who is DESPERATE for a man . I really dont fancy it but as she said what else would I be doing no dcs tonight and its a lovely evening shes going to drive us there. Whats quite nice is I know she will have men buzzing around her all evening and so maybe some of it will rub off on me !!

Anyway if nothing else it will be interesting to see something like this in action , will report back tomorrow

Oooh quickly Getting - yes full report would be great.

Starting. Have found next Sales online easier. Boxing Day some product was on by 10.00 - good hunting then - some more came on later. Discovered you do have to move quickly as lost a couple of things I wanted but much easier than queuing up at some ungodly hour.

Cant reply to all but yes Im fidnig it hard now to keep up with all the news. BUt great to hear - and lots of serenity present!

Have fun Getting,just having tea now after another lovely walk ,sun in the sky and watching high school musical

Am v of your good fortune Getting. Would love a dc free night & a friend to drag me off to a singles night..........

Mumfun, we don't have access to the online sales here. Tbh I often go in a day or two after the sale has started & still manage to get plenty so don't think I'll ever do what I did this morn again. The queue was horrendous & the stress of trying to make it back for 7! However, am really please with stuff for dc's. Youngest dd managed to spot a peppa pig princess train set under some rails & wouldn't leave it go for love nor money . Loads of people kept asking me where I got it so think she was lucky to find it & hence I had to give in .

Tea, hope you managed to pick up plenty of bargains too.

Well I'm a glutton for punishment, after much pressure I've relented to leave the two dc's who are here on a play date sleep over!