Page 17 | ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 2010-07-02T00:12:16+00:00

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us! Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

armbow · 14/07/2010 09:55

This reply has been deleted

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teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 10:05

I watched P.S I Love you, the other night and that was lovely. But maybe a Romantic film is probably a bad idea right now? Maybe hire something like Avatar? If you haven't seen it already?

I've been separated from my H since October 2009 and I'm still not ready to date anyone, in fact I plan to avoid it until I feel my counseling has got me to a place of truely knowing I won't be taking all the baggage into my next relationship, if possible. But I think everyone is different. I just can't stand the idea of another man right now, after what my H did. I just can't trust anyone not to hurt me yet

Do a little flirting Armbow, it'll probably boost your self esteem Your situation is a little different from mine. Casual stuff is probably a good idea at the moment, just nothing too serious

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 10:07

Does sound like your H is starting to realise you're serious about moving on and isn't liking it much, now the shoe is on the other foot. Keep being strong lovely x

Mumfun · 14/07/2010 14:39

Hi

AB -be strong on this day. Definitely hire a comedy or action film -better then a romance IMHO. It will get better - my anniversary passed in June without me being sad - I remembered but it was ok.

Tea - you are totally holding it all together including financially - you are amazing so give yourself every credit!

I havent dated anyone - dont feel like it at all - and things have been complicated recently by H proposing trying again.

I do think you need to take time for yourself to get healthier and grieve and find yourself on your own before dating someone else.

What has been good is doing some social activities where I meet men in a non date way - and chat and have fun - Ive found that really good. Having a laugh with some new men has been positive. Actually more than that -sanity saving. So recommend that bigtime when you can.

littlecritter · 14/07/2010 15:17

God, I'm having an awful day today. I've cried and cried, wasted the day crying. Didn't help as ds was sent home from school due to vomitting and I had to go to the dentist. Phoned XP to babysit but got no reply. It just underlined the fact that I am now a single parent through no fault of my own and I am left to juggle everything. If I said anything to XP he would remind me that I was the one to ask him to leave which is quite true.

But the main problem is that I want him back. I love and miss him so much. But I can't see it working out. I don't think he loves me enough and I don't think I could ever forgive or trust him again.

I guess I'm just grieving for the life I thought I had. Right now I can't be bothered to even think of constructing a new one. I'm too tired.

TougherThanTough · 14/07/2010 16:23

Big hugs Lc ,did you cancel the dentist and re schedule{i do this a lot now ,would never have dreamt of this before but i am living in such a pressure cooker ATM i only do what i have to do ,and usually my back up is a large galaxy bar}How is DS feeling ?

I have found the last few days soooooo overwhelming ,i just feel so mixed up .I think like grief i still think he will walk back in the door all happy and like a proper dad.Then I think what a lucky escape i have had from this guy and to keep walking away but when i read the proposed letter from the lawyer yesterday i just wailed.I also need to socialise more ,thanks MF for inspiration .I want to talk to other men but no more pressure than that.Think my new "maybe "job situation will allow me to meet lots of new people so that is positive.I also feel x100 when i have my period so this week was bound to be DOOM filled but I am still{amazingly enough}moving forwards making decisions and filling in x3 housing associations application forms .

Lc just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.I miss my best friend too ,I should be trying to find a house with him but Im not ...he chose a single life ,so there you go ,whats a girl to do ...just get on with it dry my eyes and wipe my nose .

I'm going to work hard and make a go of things whatever happens ....Nothing wrong with crying ..looked at school shoes for ds today ,they are doin so well considering everything,i told them i would buy them suitcases with wheels for the move ,it will be an adventure and loads of people have said they will help with the move {cars,vans,and tractors }
All I need to do now is find a house x

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 16:36

I wanted to work things out with my H after his affair LC, really really wanted to and would've gone to Relate counseling if he'd also wanted to work things out. I don't know what to say in a way, as I was the total opposite and wanted so badly to work it out but it's good you've made a choice but if you're truly not sure, that's ok too. Give yourself 3 months after the initial disclosure to thoroughly make your mind up first and read Shirely Glass's book Not Just Friends as well in that time, to help you be clear as well. I know someone who has managed to work things out after a 2 year affair came out in the open, this is a real life friend and even though it's been terribly painful over the last 18 months since disclosure, they've worked slowly at healing the marriage with counseling individually and together and strengthening their marriage but this is not for everyone as it's a long and difficult road, just make sure you're in a strong place before you start the divorce, as that's very tough too. Sending you many mnay ((hugs))

Galaxy, wine and take out tonight is the order of the day

Really hope your DS gets better soon and I hope it was OK to cancel your dentist appointment at the last minute?

armbow · 14/07/2010 18:06

Hello all my blooming laptop is broken so typing from phone....

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time lc but you have been Sooooo strong up until now that you must take heart from that, do what you gut tells you but stay strong. Crying is fine ... not a waste of time it is still healing.

Tough _ it is like grief and I too keep expecting the door to go and for it to be him.... especially tonight if he was going to come home it would be tonight.

I thought the thread had gone a bit quiet ... all dealing with it in the background

Big hugs to all .... roll on the takeaway ! Xxxxxx

TougherThanTough · 14/07/2010 18:25

Thing is if he wanted to walk thru the door he could.If he wanted to act like a responsible adult he could .The fact he is still in denial and can justify his selfish behaviour says it all.At the end of the day that is why i saw a sol last tuesday and this spell of contemplation is just realising i am truly in the last stages of a 15yr [nearly 16 }relationship .All to be expected but overwhelming none the less x

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:04

Yeah contemplation = good
Seeing them = bad

I was feeling fine until I saw him.

If he said to me xyz - I am a total fool and I don't want to throw this away I would consider taking him back. But that would require his total personality to change, and sooooo much water has passed under the bridge now. I would Never take him back if he came back in the same manner as before. I am not 100% I would take him back at all. I think he noticed this for the first time in me yesterday and his face said it all...

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:05

Yeah contemplation = good
Seeing them = bad

I was feeling fine until I saw him.

If he said to me xyz - I am a total fool and I don't want to throw this away I would consider taking him back. But that would require his total personality to change, and sooooo much water has passed under the bridge now. I would Never take him back if he came back in the same manner as before. I am not 100% I would take him back at all. I think he noticed this for the first time in me yesterday and his face said it all...

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:07

Sorry fingers too fat for the keys on the phone and posted twice

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:11

Mumfun.... I know I think I may be rebelling :S I have not had affection from h for almost 2 years (we were having sex but no cuddled or nice things said to me) he was a robot... so I guess now that I know I am free to get it elsewhere I am embracing it. I want to be made to special to be wined and dined... I don't want a quick fumble... don't even want sex, just to be treated nice.

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 19:31

It was all going so well, bath time was done, story time, teeth cleaned, hot milk drunk and then my son decided to vomit all over my hair, down my back and across the carpet and everything else in sight. 30 mins later their room is clean again and I turn the light out.

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:32

Do you think it is a bug ?

Hope lcs ds is ok

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 19:36

He threw up once last night too, he did it in his sleep I think as when I got him up this morning his cot was covered. So it took most of the morning to get all the laundry done and scrub up the carpet etc this morning but he's eaten fine today and drunk lots of water, just been hot and grumpy. I thought he was on his way up until just now. But I did give him some milk at bedtime, I kept him away from dairy all day until now

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:40

Aahhh yes milk ...

Curry on its way.... beer in fridge....

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 19:41

Very of curry! Enjoy..

What film did you choose?

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:47

Erin brockovich is on sky 1, going to go for that

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:49

Anyone else partaking in a takeaway it is it just me ...?

[Blush]

armbow · 14/07/2010 19:50

Anyone else partaking in a takeaway it is it just me ...?

[Blush]

teaandcakeplease · 14/07/2010 20:09

Enjoy every bite of it lovely, you deserve it!

Right off to clean up the toys and maybe the kitchen, might just bung what I can in the dishwasher and leave the rest for tomorrow though

TougherThanTough · 14/07/2010 20:48

Well done T ,stop and but your feet up if you can now,time to chill,you are superwoman

AB i agree re cherishing from a partner I will never accept selfish ,detatched behaviour again I just want someone that respects me and next time i will respect myself ,big difference LOL !

breakfastfairy · 14/07/2010 21:24

OMG Armbow it got to the point when I practically begged my husband to say he loved me Im sure he got off on it ! He used to say I dont need this emotional crap, wanted me to be mute and attractive, non demanding and if I challenged him, he would shout me down or say fuck off or something equally classy. Hes a passive aggressive type Ive been told, uses sulks for weeks to punish me, yuk ! We are stil in the same house, but I want out and in my head are finished, I just need to take the plunge and see the solicitor again to move things forward. Its just hard we have a 7 year old DD and I thought we'd be together forever.

mummyilubyou · 14/07/2010 21:28

where do I start? You are all amazing. I have been lurking on this thread today and feel enormously better that I am not alone in the stuff I am going through.

apols this is along one but head of steam has built up....

dumped in Nov 09, left with gorgeous DD1 age not quite 7 at the time and gorgeous DD2 20 months...........

apparently I wasn't 'interested' in my children and XH leaving was to get me to take an interest...............

then when, after being told categorically our marriage was over I opened my own account for my salary (am major breadwinner and only mature responsible adult in the house, paying mortgage and dealing with mundane reality of life ) and outgoings and XH had to deal with not being subsidised any more he changed his mind and wanted to come back....
cue 2 months of counselling which he did but disliked because 'you keep harking back to the negative stuff and don't move on'.....

then he changed his mind again, ostensibly because I wasn't compromising....in fact he has found someone else, pepare to be amazed, she is blonder, younger and has bigger tits

the only mature thing he has done is have a midlife crisis in his 30's, in everythign else he is behaving like a teenager....

so I am cross

end of rant