ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Getting my almost 3yr old and 18 month old live off casseroles, pasta, fish fingers etc

I too took the same line. What sticks in my throat is saying "daddy loves you very much" when I think "no he can't, as he shouldn't have done what he did". But sometimes my DD needs reassurance as she misses him

I told XP that I always tell ds that dad loves him very much when I put him to bed every night, which I do. That made XP cry. Guilt is an awful feeling. But he has to live with that and I don't. Guilt towards your own child must be unbearable and in that context I actually feel sorry for XP. Just a little bit.

My H doesn't cry, in fact he isn't apologetic for what's he's done and has no idea of the consequences of his behaviour on our poor LO's.

I think it wouldn't be so bad if he did feel more guilty.

Littlecritter you sound like you're such a strong woman and doing so well in the circumstances.

Mumfun thanks for the compliment re stronger than strong but I think that sounds abit like a toilet roll advert LOL

LC it was my X s decision to leave i gave him all the chances so IMO you reap what you sow re reputation.You do what feels right but please dont hold any unnecessary pain inside that he has brought into your life,big hugs x

Ant keep getting your mum to slide family sized galaxies under your door and make copious amounts of Tea.This rawness will pass but let it all out now,have as many duvet days as you like ,indulge yourself as much as you can x

Getting enjoy ur visitors remember positivity ROCKS !

AB hope ur cool

Waves to everyone how ya doin Miaow has your H been helping out lots ?

Went to enquire about money making opportunity today all quite positive but as i am in contemplation phase ATM i am keeping my feet firmly on the ground but will do lots and lots of homework to see if this a viable scheme.Would give me something to focus on and still work with school hours so going to try my best.

By the way my computer screen has rearranged itself my windows symbol has gone from bottom left to top right and the open windows titles and symbols are on the rhs instead of running along the bottom any help appreciated ........

well I should know but I don't

so ... how about going to the geeky stuff topic

teaandcake - at least if you know your H is a selfish prat then it's a bit easier to feel like you're well rid. My XP is devastated by what he's done to ds and what he's now missing out on which is making me soften a little which is not good.

Tougher - I kicked XP out within 2 hours of discovering his infidelity. He didn't want to go but I gave him no choice. The likelihood of me giving him a 2nd chance is about 1 in a million. Never say never but I can't see it myself. In theory, XP could tell everyone that I threw him out. But he wouldn't dare!

Through all of this there hasn't been any shouting or raised voices. I have been very controlled and he has been very quiet, probably because he has no defence. Despite what has happened he is still my best friend and I love him which shocks even me. I would so love to move on.

Restart it, that's always my answer

X posted with LC.

Presumably someone has already mentioned Shirley Glass's book? I found that helpful.

seems to be a permanent feature tea been like this for a few days someone must have pushed a button oops at least it is still working.

I think i will always love my X lc but for self preservation and stability for our kids i need to draw a line.I dont doubt he feels guilty re his actions and the consequences but he made his choices . {Has taken over 6 mths to get to this place}

I think if you click on it with the mouse and then keep holding the button on the mouse and then drag it to the bottom of the monitor, and then let go of the button, that might work Tougher?

not quite sure what is happening or if this is normal (???) but i over the past day or 2 h has taken a back seat in my head and i am looking forward to the prospect of other relationships with men .

Whilst i feel 100% positive about my future,i can't help but feel worried that this maybe a strange (??) reaction, did i not love him as much as i thought? was i just dependent on him?

aaarrrrgggh very confused what does all this mean?

tough

yeah right click hold and drag to the correct place.....

Tough, it sounds like you've rotated the screen, right click mouse & click to refresh the view. There's a rotate button somewhere (could be small icon at bottom left hand side of screen) but I can't for the life of me remember where. This is actually frightening for me as I used to be a whiz at this stuff & since I stopped working I've forgotten the most basic stuff. I also seem to have lost the ability to spell half the time. This is rather scary if I allow myself to think about it for v long. If I hadn't gone back to college I think my brain would have turned to mush by now. I would dread if I ever have to compete against the qualified people out there now looking for jobs though! I'll just have to hope it's like riding a bike & it'll come back to me if the time comes.........

Tea, I can really struggle sometimes to maintain healthy eating with dc's. It's so demoralising to cook for dc's (younger two anyway) that just want to eat crap & whinge at the sight of veg! Youngest is a demon! Ds has improved thankfully thanks to spiderman dvd where spiderman tells two young boys they can be like him if they eat all their veg............. Was actually thinking I might start doing a meal planner each wk to keep things interesting & to make sure we're still eating healthily.

Tough, your new venture sounds fab, way to go dumpling! Had thought strong sounded v good when Mumfun suggested it but on second thoughts strongerthanstrong does sound a bit like a loo roll advert .

Armbow, don't question it & just enjoy the feeling that you can move on & see a future without x. Enjoy the good days .

Mumfun, hope you're doing ok.

Waves to Happy, Getting & anyone else I've overlooked......

AB I think thats our brains working out that they arent some god like figure ,he was just a bloke at the end of the day{no disrespect meant here by the way at one time he was a decent bloke ,but still just a bloke}
Turns out we can function without them,we can laugh and get on with our lives ,who would have thought it LOL!

Freedom is excrutiating at the start but healthy x

Ate approx 250g of galaxy today that 1/4 of a kilo ,makes a girl think!

T in the park 2011 tickets on sale thursday dumplings x

I ate a chinese takeaway last night and loved every bloomin' mouthful tough.

listening to this

oh and this....

someone mentioned it on a thread the other day - very bloody true i think.

hope eeryone is doing ok today ... it has gone a bit quiet.

Perhaps we are all busy being fabulous !!

I'm not really busy. H saw DCs this morning and I went to a fair with a friend this afternoon then had the usual drama at bath and bed stage and got cross several times Now sitting here feeling guilty again for not being a perfect mother and keeping my cool.

Cannot wait for things to get a little easier but being as my 2 are 2.11 yrs and 18 months I suspect it'll be a while yet

Chinese.. mmmmmm good choice!

teaandcake- you have no reason to feel guilty at all. You are the one holding your family together and you must tell yourself that you're doing a damn fine job every night when your dcs are tucked up in bed asleep.

I was a lone parent for many years to my eldest dcs and I made loads of silly mistakes but they have turned out fine. In fact, they are my best friends now and saved my sanity over these last few weeks.

One day, you will realise just what a fantastic job you are doing just by being there and loving them.

Here endeth the lesson.

Oh and armbow, I keep wondering if I'll meet another man too

How long does one have to wait in these circumstances? I don't want to lose my martyr status just yet

Thanks LittleC

just to say t&c its tough with little uns but we didnt leave them ,we are looking after them and sometimes our patience will be less but each day has joy ,we get hugs as well as teeth not wanting to be brushed and all the time we are trying to heal and nourish ourselves to give them stability.We are all truly amazing x

tea- my kids are similar ages to yours and it is hard work especially when we are on our own. but really everyone else is right, we love our kids and do our very best every day, don't be hard on yourself.

(hark at me giving advice )

pyschologically it is worse than it is in reality i think, just knowing that we are single parents makes it seem so much more daunting - does for me anyway.