ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Hi. Can I join you? I did have my own thread but had to get it deleted (complicated). I'm 9 days post break-up having kicked my XP out 2 hours after finding out about an affair that had been going on for at least 1-2 years. We have a 9 year old ds and I have 2 older children from my first marriage.

There's still a lot of drama going on as OW and her H are family friends and her H doesn't know yet. They have a 5 year old adopted daughter who has physical and behavioural problems as a result of being born to drug addicted parents.

To cap it all I recently found a breast lump and have an appointment for tests next Friday. So life is rather fraught at the moment.

I will try and read up as much of the thread(s) as I can later tonight when ds is in bed.

Oh crumbs what a nightmare Littlecritter

Come and join us fellow dumplings x

teandcake - I used to be a proper dumpling but I've just lost 2.5 stone so I'll have to be a fat free dumpling now if there are such things.

waves at LC

Presumably through stress? As opposed to dieting

Dumplings is for being dumped, not our size though

Although I am a size 16 from comfort eating, so I suppose I am a true dumpling

Hi armbow. Found you!

I started to lose weight deliberately in a bid to revive my flagging relationship - I was a bit of a porker. Then XP told me he loved me but was not in love with me. Cue sudden surge in weight loss. Then, when I found out about the affair, I went into freefall and have lost nearly a stone in the last 9 days.

I'm looking good though!

Ahhh same old chest nut. My H said he was fond of me but not in love with me

You're in good company here.

the view same jeansjust to give you a bit of t in the park,biffy clyro set was amazing.Have been inspired by kyle lead singer of the view to be curly and proud ,we have similar locks will grow my fringe for next years T.
Hi there lc will you eat something ,no more rapid weight loss .look after yourself pls [lecture over]big hugs away to see a bit of eminem .

LC -welcome but sorry you find yourself here. Urghh for OW having young daughter whose family life she was prepared to break up.

Getting - strange enough I started feeling much better 9 months after I found out about OW - and asked him to leave. Others have said after one year they find it much easier

Tea yes I too got the I love you but not in love with you. I have heard it described as 'The Speech' Its scary how common it is -almost as if they have a script. It usually heppens when someone comes along who they do decide they are in love with. Its often also to do with enjoying the falling in love excitement bit - technical term called limerence. This compares unfavourably with the boring more mature long term love that has the unattractive side of responsibility.

Eminem

This compares unfavourably with the boring more mature long term love that has the unattractive side of responsibility.

How true is that? Mumfun. My H began the emotional affair whilst I was still pregnant with DC2 and it began in earnest once DS was 4 weeks old and my DD was 18 months old. Talk about running away from responsibility.

When he was trying to decide between us, he was trying to compare the feelings you get in an idealised romanticised relationship with a long term marriage and obviously preferred the affair Sadly dating a 21 yr old at Uni is not reality.

Ohhh Tea having rant again.

Are you OK Littlecritter, did you get the DCs off to bed?

I'm fine thanks. Only ds age 9 to get to bed, the other 2 are adults and more than capable of putting themselves to bed. In fact, they saved my life last weekend when it all blew up. They just stepped in and took over for me. They even helped me kick XP out!

Tougher - I have eaten really well today. My appetite has come back thank goodness. Largely helped by my 20 yr old ds who is a fantastic cook, much better than me. He's at home recovering from major surgery so we're looking after each other. It's nice.

As for the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" I think that hurt more than the affair but I'm coming to realise that it's all connected. I can't see the affair continuing so perhaps XP will realise it's me he wants but I think it will be too late. I have a fantasy of being back with him, curling up in bed with him but it's just a fantasy. I could never trust him again.

OW is a bitch from hell. All the while this was going on she was offering me a shoulder to cry on, came round to my house, asked me to go on holiday with her (I didn't go), even collected my ds from gymnastics when we were stuck. My dd bought a flat and OW gave her loads of furniture. I feel like she was trying to steal my family. I have told XP that no way is our ds ever to set eyes on her again.

Sorry, this is a long one. I'm still hurting badly. I haven't told her H yet because I'm so worried for their little dd. Plus, I want to get this breast lump sorted before I open myself up to more stress.

Off to read the thread now. Maybe see you all later.

glad you ate something lc and great you have got your kids to support you ,take care of yourself x

Waves to all........

TFM thanks for the link, wise words .

Getting, hats off to you on your dumpling control with ow! You are indeed recovered methinks .

LC, sorry you've had to join us dumplings . Really awful that ow was so involved with your life while you were unaware of what was going on . Hope your tests come back clear, sending you dumpling hugs (())

Armbow, had a few winks but haven't had the motivation yet to check them out. The whole thing is sadly depressing tbh! Obviously I've too high an opinion of myself as I expected to be bombarded with winks . Must be past my sell by date.... Not to bothered though as I really don't have the time or motivation I think to be going on dates........Glad you had a good day today.

Mumfun, am at you being a bit pink from lack of suncream. Am back to putting heating on here........

Happy, guess you've two options really a) befriend the mouse & keep him as a pet b) mousetrap?? Hope all else is well with you.

Tough, how are you doing?? Hope you're still managing to stay upbeat & positive

Tea, you're doing fab. The comfort eating is only a small thing compared to the stress you've been through. Besides it's a lot healthier then cigs which is what I've done ..........

I think i am in contemplation phase Startin outwardly positive {bit grumpy also}but my subconcious has definately taken a blow ,so after LIMBO i am now in CONTEMPLATION .
trying to feel what has happened in my life and come to terms with things .Just a quiet place for me just now .I feel in control on the outside but my insides are saying retreat retreat lock all the doors and eat chocolate for at least a month before making any important decisions x

evening all and welcome little critter - wishing you lots of luck with your tests - was lurking on your thread so did see your story

dcs saved me from mouse luckily - til my hunting cat who is obesessed with bringing lovely gifts

delighted with purchases from yesterday and continuing to feel liberated from Bald Eagle. Showed friend photo of OW the other day and she was not very impressed

Happy, I love friends like that .....

Tough, I know that phase so well . I think I did a lot of that this winter & I don't think there's anything wrong with retreating, contemplation & eating choc! Hugs (())

In fact Tough I still have times I need to do that.........

Hi all. I became a dumpling about three weeks ago to the dreaded 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' speech after nearly 4 years together.

I keep dreaming about him and the explanation for dumping me is just so ridiculous I'm finding it hard to move on. I've had to move back in with my parents while I find a job (just graduated) and get a new place. I haven't been sleeping or eating properly and don't know how to start functioning as a person again.

I know he's swanning around enjoying himself while I'm crying myself to sleep at night and have no close friends to speak of. And the thought that some day, some other woman is going to take my place in all those plans we had made is just torturing me but I can't help but think about it.

I still can't see the point of doing anything at all besides sitting in the house all day.

Ant, sorry to hear where you're at atm. We've all been there & can easily identify with your pain. It will get easier though & it will pass & you will come out of this so much stronger. Remember whatever woman takes your place will also prob end up being dumped by him. Having a new woman doesn't change them. Was there any bad stuff in the relationship?? If so try to look at that & tell yourself how much better off you're going to be when you move on & eventually meet someone new. For now you prob just need to be as kind to yourself as possible. Try to do nice things for yourself. The crying is good, it's part of the healing. Hugs (())

Tough, forgot to say that I too agree with comtemplation. I have times that I socialise and keep busy/do normal stuff and then times when I sit and think and do contemplation. When alone I used to go into downward spiral mode but now, mostly, I can actually sit and contemplate for a weekend and use time to recharge batteries and emerge chin up tits out successfully (note that after purchase of new bra yesterday tits are right out)

Hi Ant3nna nice to see you here and hope you are ok. It is rainig dumplings atm which is sad but nice to see new faces

startingovernow, from my point of view the relationship was really strong and I thought that we could be one of those old couples who've been together for 80 years.

I have no idea how to even meet anyone new. I've had to move 140 miles, have no job and no friends here. My mum is trying to be helpful but really just makes me feel worse most of the time.

At least there are no children involved which I'm thankful for.

Hi Ant -sorry youve had to join too- but hope you can get a bit of support -maybe eventually a few laughs. It is very shockingat first to be dumped so take all the support you can get and look after yourself.

Happy -oooh what purchases did you make? And yay for friends who say the right things.

Lc - I missed the bit about a lump so very sorry about that and hope you can get seen and have a positive outcome soon. I also found out about a horrible health problem when I found out about my H affair of 1 to 2 years so know the double pain. I really do recommend counselling -you could get some via your GP -really helped me cope.

Tough - very wise to do contemplation before making a decision. I think of you though as Strong rather than Tough -think you should really be Strongerthan Strong

Hi all. My best friend came round today and I have told her every gory detail. She is the only person I shall be able to be so honest with. I have decided that the official line will be that it is a mutual split. I don't want ds to think badly of his dad. It will stick in my throat to say I have agreed to this as I never wanted it and I still love him. He is still saying he loves me. Bizarre. Or could it be that he is racking up massive hotel bills?

Felt good to tell my friend though.

Hi LC that sounds hard to carry off I dont know why but I was determined that everyone knew he didnt want me anymore. Didnt really go into details with the dcs but I think they worked it out for themselves in terms of the time leading up to him going.

Got family come to stay including my cousin ,a dumpling of 5 months with a 3 yr old and 10 month baby, so am busy in the kitchen but waves to all