ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

Hi Mavis, thread is for anyone suffering after a breakup, doesn't have to be as a result of infidelity. Sorry to hear you're finding it hard atm. I find the sadness comes & goes but it gets easier in time . How long is it since break-up??

Not so much break up as bereavement,not long really.Evenings are worst,worry too much about being a newly lone parent.

Ah God Mavis I'm so sorry, did your dp/dh die?? I had 4 v close deaths about 6 mts ago one after another so I can understand this must be a huge struggle for you . Sending you lots of hugs (()). How are your dc's coping??

Yes.Sorry you have had some recent bereavements too.dcs doing well as am I mainly,except for a few wobbles like now.Ok if I can get to sleep but it is just too flippin hot tonight.Have had nice day though,had ds friends round for tea.4 excitable 6 yo,my house is a mess but they had fun!!

That's great that you are able to do that for your ds. The circumstances are completely different of course i.e. my xh is v much alive & causing a lot of pain atm but likewise I find the more fun stuff I do with dc's the easier it is to cope. Bereavement is a slow process so you need to be kind to yourself & take it a day at a time. Life can really be shi*e sometimes . We often say on this thread try to do one nice thing for yourself each day i.e. meet up with a friend, paint your nails, nice bath, buy a treat etc. It won't take the pain away but it does help.

On this thread there are a lot of women who were dumped or treated badly by their xh's. Sometimes we don't speak too kindly about them but this is just a safe way of releasing the pain/sadness/suffering. You obviously have found yourself a single parent through different reasons then us but your feelings will be similiar. There is a place for everyone on this thread so if you find it helps please keep posting. We are all just women & mothers trying to help & support each other at a difficult time in life.

Thanks for listening,i figured we wereall in a similar boat,if not exactly the same and have taken positive things from this thread.not liking the evenings atm,so quiet and miss just having someone to chat to,mumsnet helping though,great distraction and some funny threads tonight have cheered me up enormously

Glad to hear that Mavis. There is a lot of support on this thread so keep posting . Also a lot of fun stuff at times. A lot of us find the nights hard & usually there is a lot of posters by night (v quiet tonight). Sending you hugs again & hope you manage to get some sleep. I'm off to bed now as I'll have dc's jumping on me in a few hours.........take care.

Hello Mavis, so nice to have someone new to join us

It is bl hot isn't it? Which is sometimes nice and sometimes exhausting. I guess you are nearer to me than Starting then as she has rain!

Sad to hear about your loss, feel free to talk on here about anything you like. As you've probably seen from what you've read already there are plenty of people to talk to - and we have some fun as well as rant!

Off now for day with friend, should be back later.

Hello Mavis

I'm off to my brothers 40th party today my DD is very excited about seeing her cousins today and the dancing!

Just relaxing for a while before we leave as DS is having his nap.

hello Mavis, welcome to the thread, so sorry to hear about your dp

i am quite new on here but the support so far has been amazing, i hope you find it helpful. xxxx

HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT today.

Just a quick weather report from north of the border....Freezing has been raining all week so hoping next week ok,watching a bit of T in the park this weekend and continue to try and keep house tidy for prospective buyers but fighting a losing battle.

Feeling a bit tired so just went to bed as soon as last nite,just need to get the next month out of the way and every ting will be IRIE !

Waves to everyone ,big hugs,

Hi ladies I am reading a really good book at the moment called Getting Past Your Breakup. It's got some really good tips and advice in it so thought I would share it with you. There is also a blog which is great too.

gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2007/06/26/the-post-breakup-no-no-list/

I'm a lurker on your thread by the way

Thanks TFM found this bit on the site that says " crisis brings opportunity" i am hoping that is my road now.

Tough it does bring opportunity because it forces us out of our comfort zones on every level . We cant be reliant on them any more for anything so have to find our own solutions to deal with practical and emotional stuff.

Just popped to Sainsbury with ds and who walks in in front of us but ow who I havent seen in the 9 months this has all been going on. Tiny Sainsburys dead as door nail so find myself in freezer aisle with her and nobody else. Decide to take a good look at her and conclude have no idea what exh is doing . Managed to not require eye contact just marched past her.

Ok did sneak a fag but otherwise , dumplings, hear this I DO NOT CARE they are welcome to do whatever it is they want I have finally realised he isnt part of me anymore we are both living lives that have no relevance to each other and I look at his choices and feel grateful I am not involved in them and I have kept my distance since he left.

I think I may be in the process of turning something a lot bigger than a corner

I'm impressed you didn't say something to her. Retained your dignity, well done!

Well done ,Getting ,wonderful x

"Some men are like slot machines in a casino? they give you just enough winnings to keep you there...."

Found this quote tonite ,it just sums up the last 15yrs of my life...

My ambition now is mentally to get as far away as possible from this guy,i will have to see him for dcs but i need to heal and keep moving forwards ,setting boundaries and staying strong for my children ,just so much to sort out ATM need to fasten my seatbelt and drive this last bit of my bumpy road .Just trying to stay in the day .........

Evening all

That's impressive Getting Easier - Dumpling respect for you

TFM, that link makes interesting reading thank you. "No sex with the ex" is definitely one I'm succeeding with (wasn't that bothered when he was here either actually).

Tough, that's a good one, I think those bumps are going now

I really hope so Happy ,thanks for your support x

Dairs a mouse in da kitchen what am I gonna do?

Mavis. Sorry you had to join this club. Youll find some chat to keep you going. Also have you found this organisation: www.wayfoundation.org.uk/ Know theyve helped some others in your situation.

Time -thanks for that - interesting

Getting - We are not worthy -hope to get to your position soon.

Happy - let mouse run away - will be frightened of you. Last 2 times Ive seen a mouse has never appeared again - just passing through. If you see again set trap! We have a lot of mice dirtiest house going we are near a nature reserve.

Tea - glad youre having a lovely night out

Tougher - think youre on the right road

Waves to Starting and all other Dumplings

Didnt put suncream on yesterday and am a bit pink today -silly moo.

Big hugs AB you are doing so well,i know no matter how much it hurts i am on a better road now and i have to keep on keepin' on !

I know there is happiness ahead ,i just have to keep putting one foot infront of the other,baby steps x

Hi Mavis welcome to the thread - sorry its under the circumstances it is.

TimeforMe I read through the link think that wouldve been a great book for me a while back and I still enjoyed reaffirming what it said BUT as you dumplings know I have turned a corner and kicked exh to the curb for now

and the advice given is now second nature and any pain , anxiety , stomach clenching relates to concerns over practicalities of my future not about rejection /humiliation lost love etc etc.

I should say to Armbow shaz and any others in the early stages of the split that I am 9 months into being told I wasnt loved and 6 months in to his departure so it takes time.

How exhilirating is it to feel that I am now entering the zone everyone told me would happen and at the time I felt I wanted to press the fast forward button and I would never reach a stage of genuinely feeling happier without him .

I am enjoying this and know from experience that something can crop up and jettison me right back into grief and sorrow but not today !!

Hope all dumplings are ok and not wilting too much in this heat

Chairmum how are you hope everything is ok

Tougher keep those steps going x