Attractive Au Pair making me feel jealous!

[MrsMopple]

It's very early days with the au pair - she arrived on Tuesday. She's young and attractive and ds seems to really like her. I am 31 weeks pregnant, grumpy, sleeping badly and 40. My ankles disappeared weeks ago and I feel unattractive.
Dh usually spends his evenings on the computer, leaving me to deal with ds, but he has become very interested in spending time playing with ds now that the au pair is here and spending time with ds. I'm feeling jealous and I hate it! (Not least because I'll be having a planned c section in a few weeks, leaving dh and au pair alone for as long as I'm in hospital for - last time it was a week.)
I'm tempted to tell dh how I'm feeling, but I imagine I'll just get told that I'm being paranoid and that he's just being friendly. And the irony is that I said I needed help for when the babies arrive and we settled on an au pair for cost reasons, so I imagine I'll get that thrown back at me, too.

i agree with susie100 , it is not like i do not trust my DH, but you know men are men, when they see a pretty face ( God forbid French, you know their language, soooo romantic, even freaking accent is!!) they start beahving totally different around a pretty girl.... I guess this is natural, if you have a handsome fit young guy around you in the house, you won;t be able to help it either: you WILL be acting different.
Thats why: I screen my au pairs very very thorouhgly. You may think I am nuts but I am not . In the last 8 years of my marriage I learnt few techniques as my husband works with females mostly, but luckily he is emploeys, so he (me) decides who works for him. I just can imnageine the hell you, MrsMople, are going thru! being heavily PG is not a joke .....
and I disagree with Missus84, quite a few teenage girls WILL be interested in 35 yo man. You obviously have never been in the same situation yourself
anyway, first rule: never ever hire an attarctive girl, but if you have, you cannot show your husband jellauos side of yours, he will just think you are nuts. So what I do I see what is it in her ( the girl's) behavior that attarcats him, sometimes it is very simple : her looking at him with puppy eyes, and I do the same for few days, usually thats enough, and he switches off from her to me, and then few days later everything is back to normal. The when I know that she does some things that he may not like , like personal charachteristics, I do drop it into conversation lightly without putting too much focus ion it, otherwise he ill suspects something is going on there and move off to dif subject quickly..... it always helps...... when I was younger , I also was a bit unsensitive around older married couples, no hunly punky, but still..... you never know untill you are yourself married, and with the child and the girl in question is half your and his age.....do not forget about midlife crisis too....

anyway try this and let me know how it goes. Ah, another thing: you have to be the one who pays her, she needs to know where is her bread buttered, and if you have had cleaners/au pairs before, when you talk to the gilr, do drop into the conversations once, that you had a "cleaner" who was too mcuh flirty and you had to drop her off But again it has to be done , like you are having a chit chat, like firends, not like you are threathening her, God forbid! some women they ignate form a challenge. I am sure your gilr is just swett and innocent one, but family is a priority and it is beter to be safe and sorry

good luck anyway, with your problem and PG, hopeeverything will work out.....

oh, by the way, with me being all clever, guess what happened I have a lovely gierl as an au pair, resanobly attractive, not weird at all, loves my DC to bits, but then she started bringing her friends round, when we had a barbeque, again was my social /ever looking after every1 DH's idea, and the couple of the girls were drop dead gorgeous, so i saw him being extra attentive, or is it just me paranoid again , he does look after anyone anyway who comes to the house, but I thought better of it: spoke to my au pair and explained that i had one cleaner in the past, could not get rid of her, and she was too flirty round the house, so she understood and never brought them back again! power of communication and trust it s good to have good relationship with your au pair

Rani, you sound lovely but absolutely barking

It must be very, very tiring to constantly monitor your DH around attractive young ladies and adapt your behaviour accordingly

I'm scared!!

This thread is making me even happier to be single! Thanks everyone

to my defence, young pretty girls go after middle aged men ONLY if they (men) are worth it, and my DH is absolutely worth it. And , ok, maybe I exaggerated a bit, but believe you me, even if it seems like i " constantly" monitor my DH, I don't. And I never ever check his mobile phone ... Also we do go on holidays separately by ourselves, to give each oter some healthy space, we do have trust
Young attractive girls - It happens now and again only and prevention is the best solution. unfortunately/fortunately I happened to have a DH who seems to be appealing to other females, not because of his behavior, but because he is funny, good looking, caring person around anyone and sometimes single women take it differently thinking God knows what

I do not who would want to have young attractive ladies spending lots of time with your partner its like putting block of butter onto radiator. Does not matter how frozen the butter is, sooner or later it will melt. So the best thing is to avoid difficult situation. As we can see MrsMople is having some rather unpleasant thoughts and moments if I may say, rather irritating moments thast I am sure she could do without..... don't you agree?

PS I knew my reply would stir up some ......stuff

oh give over, rani

your insecurity is shining out like a flippin' beacon

I am not stirred though...I know there are women like you all over the place who think that men accidentally insert their penises into attractive young women, because they can't help it and men will be men

and other women are all out there, just sharpening their claws to hook them into your poor, unsuspecting DH

I wouldn't imagine you have very many female friends, love

you speak utter shite

you are real friendly, AF I suspect you obviously do not have any marital problems? and how many female friends do you have, love?

lots more than you I suspect, since it seems you would think any female with a pulse would be thinking about shagging your wonderful DH

< shrugs >

some women are just women's-women....others are suspicious, insecure individuals who don't trust their man as far as they could throw him

have a nice evening

MrsMopple, I totally understand your post of 15.53. I don't think you are being unreasonable or insanely jealous. Just heavily pregnant and a bit cheesed off with DH which is fair enough given the circumstances you've described.

Anyway, put your feet up, enjoy having the help and call DH over to massage your feet while au pair entertains the DCs.

Rani, if he is "worth it", surely he's trustworthy enough to resist them, so no biggie - right?

Also, from page 1: "do you want some object of temptation under your roof" Excuse me?? Object?? She's a person FFS!

Ladies, if your DH worked in a skilled profession and had a very attractive 19 year old apprentice, who was staying with you for a while because (e.g.) there was no work local to where he lived with his parents, what would you do? Would you admire him from a distance, think "Phwoar, that's nice" and be cheered up by his prescence, or would you be desparately trying to shag him at every opportunity?

Why should we expect a man be any different?

if a man wants to shag around, he will do it

and no amount of desparate "looking at him with puppy eyes" will stop it

sorry to pick on you rani...but your whole input on this thread is really very sad, tbh

thats what I meant BB, we genuinely have trust in our RL whatever other people may think (AF) but sorry if I am not just naive and stupid; I did have a girl in my office ( our company) who was literally lifting her skirt up in my DH presense and telling him that she is very sexual person and her current BF is not enough for her , my DH duly reported it back to me ( which he laughed off later)

anyway this thread is about MRSMOPLE

Hi all,

I know that we should all be very secure with our dps etc and know that they have only eyes for us , but as a hardened cynic I would never hire a beautifull girl if I had a partner. It's the height of stupidity. Beautiful girl, looking after babies and thus maternal, in your house etc= recipie for disastour. It happened to a women I know. Her husband ran off with the ravishing Italian nanny.

It's human nature- I mean if you had a georgeous hunk of a male nanny tenderly bathing your babies don't tell me you wouldn't have a few cold showers?

Well maybe psm - but that's the point, you would have the cold showers and forget about it, you wouldn't seriously jeopardise your relationship over a hunky nanny. Unless there were real problems there in the first place, that is.

I think the situation could be the same with any fresh face in the household, even a male employee. she is paid to fraternise with the family, and is doing her job.

OP could you delegate more of the chores to her?
give her a cookbook to get on with and spend some precious time with your boy before the twins come along.
i would also ask her to start preparing and freezing foods for your return.
it sounds as if you are kind of parenting them all (cooking whilst they play )

how you are feeling is totally understandable imo, hormones, cankles, tiredness etc.

I agree that the poor girl shouldn't be fired now that she is hired but I wouldn't hire anyone TOO delicious. Mabe it's the insecurity of having a new person in the house.
I think as you are pregnant you are feeling even more vulnerable. Sorry everyone; but the fable of the stunning Italian nanny has made me wary of these situations.
Your dh is just being extra attentive because she's a novelty but it would make me twitchy too.

FWIW, ladies, the OP has already come back to say she is OK and knows just how to handle it

rani.. I have to disagree with you there, that you have full trust in your relationship

everything you said in your first, and subsequent posts on this thread screams otherwise !

read them again and tell me those words are the words of a woman who is completely happy in herself

AF seems to be taken up with my comments good feeling to know I made a difference lets just chil, AF, and let it go: everyone is entitled to thei own opinion and lets not brand anyone

But I do agree with Poshsinglemum: spot on

eek! oo-er gosh! tee-hee lol just thought I'd join in this illuminating conversation it's such an eye-opener! Never knew those frantically insecure, un-friendly women were quite so rife!

Hello, AF. Can I come round yours for a dose of common sense, please??

Grace, you are a naughty one

AF stop frowning, you'll get lines!