Attractive Au Pair making me feel jealous!

[MrsMopple]

It's very early days with the au pair - she arrived on Tuesday. She's young and attractive and ds seems to really like her. I am 31 weeks pregnant, grumpy, sleeping badly and 40. My ankles disappeared weeks ago and I feel unattractive.
Dh usually spends his evenings on the computer, leaving me to deal with ds, but he has become very interested in spending time playing with ds now that the au pair is here and spending time with ds. I'm feeling jealous and I hate it! (Not least because I'll be having a planned c section in a few weeks, leaving dh and au pair alone for as long as I'm in hospital for - last time it was a week.)
I'm tempted to tell dh how I'm feeling, but I imagine I'll just get told that I'm being paranoid and that he's just being friendly. And the irony is that I said I needed help for when the babies arrive and we settled on an au pair for cost reasons, so I imagine I'll get that thrown back at me, too.

I think the above is very naive.

Think of yourself, you have enough on your plate, you don't want to be there thinking about all this when the twins are born and you're trying to relax and nap since that's what you've hired her for, nip it in the bud.

Surely there must be plenty of gawky looking
teens out there instead?

Thank goodness, AF. I thought I'd landed in a parallel universe where men have to be protected from pretty young women. No, hang on a sec, that's Afghanistan, isn't it? Yeah, problem solved! Put the au pair in a chador

Sorry, there was a different post above when I was posting!

Seashore - honestly, you'd fire a school-leaver from her holiday job because she's pretty?

What if she needs the english for her studies?

Seashore, how would you feel if your boss's wife decided you were a bit too pretty and asked you to be fired?

Fire her. She could destroy your life and not be just some girl who wouldn't look your farmer-boy hubby in the face let alone try and rude him up.

You don't you trust your husband then?

grace, I know

if I had to out-manoevre my DH from shagging a 19 yo, I would feel I had a very shitty marriage, tbh

what is wrong with you women ?

OP...give your fucking stupid DH a heads-up and get on with having your babies

if he is going to shag a teenager, he is going to shag a teenager

ffs

He's probably just trying to show what a great hands-on dad he is anyway - doesn't want a stranger to know he actually ignores his family most evenings.

"Hands on" probably isn't the best phrase the OP needs to hear right now.

Sorry, been doing bedtime and as usual fell asleep with ds!

I do trust my dh, and I wouldn't say that he is flirting with her, just getting more involved with ds than normal. Whodunnitinnit and Missus84, you're right, actually, he is always more attentive to ds when other people are around and I guess I'm feeling a bit more sensitive about this situation because it isn't in front of our friends and relatives, but in front of a young, single, pretty stranger, while I am none of those things!

I am feeling jealous because he wouldn't normally join me and ds in a game, but has been doing with the au pair and ds. But perhaps he is just being friendly and nothing more - I hope so!!

I'd get rid of her. Actually, I would never hire a hot au pair in the first place. I used to be one of those pretty 19 years olds who was attracted to 40 year olds, so I know they exist (now I'm 27, attracted to 40+ year olds!). I don't buy this 'if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat' stuff. Having her in your house is just giving him an opportunity to get closer to her and become attracted to her personality-wise and not just looks. Plus, he gets to see her being all cute with your kid, without the unglamorous side effects.

Honest. I know what I'm talking about. It's an immediate risk that you could remove so do it

secunda...that is a fucking sad viewpoint you have there

I guess you have your reasons

OP...would you plan on removing all nubile 19yo's from your DH's life ?

'cos that would be difficult (if not criminal...)

a cheater will cheat if he wants to...a mad suspicious woman trying to micro-manage her bloke's life will not make it less likely, IMO

OP - have you considered you might be acting a bit arsy to the au pair and your DH is trying to overcompensate for your coldness?

I assume your DH isn't so shallow that he's only interested in looks? Well then, what are you worried about?

I knew the day would come when I would find myself disagreeing with AF. There has to be a first time for everything.

I'm afraid I am with secunda - you don't go halfway to meet trouble. Why in hell did you hire her in the first place?

What you really really must do now is listen to your instincts - if you think his sudden interest in joining in the fun and games is more than ehm friendliness then you should get rid.

There's nothing to say he or she would do anything but really - do you want some object of temptation under your roof when your are feeling extremely vulnerable?

I'd be replacing her with some 23 year old Swedish hunk in quick fucking time and no mistake.

It's not quite the same as wanting to erase very hot young babe from society.

msboogie, if we all agreed, all of the time, how boring would that be ?

if suspicions are so easily raised...I say get rid of the fuckabout husband and keep the au pair

We had an attractive au pair, and although I know DH was never up to anything, I share your pain.

I think you need to get the role definition sorted out. She needs to be doing the things you least want to do (laundry, cleaning etc) giving you time to spend with your DH & DS (and babies in due course).

The 'lightbulb moment' for me came when we took our au pair with us on holiday to France one year, and I found myself standing pegging out the washing watching DH/ the au pair and the kids frolicking in the swimming pool...

Why does DH need to so stuff with her - surely one adult can cope with DS? I like the idea of saying "oh, DH, if is OK with DS, could you just do a bit of ironing, or start peeling the veg?"

I've always been crap at delegating, but you have to do it, and find a way of saying it nicely....

oh get rid of the husband and keep the au air - goes without saying

OB, I agree

in other words, don't be a fucking martyr (insert the word mug here)

gotta laugh at you pegging out the washing while nubile au paur frolics in the pool with DH and kids

that is crazy

why do we find it soooo difficult to keep a young girl in her place ?

and her place is not taking yours in the family

she won't do that though, unless you (or your fuckwit DH) let her

give her the drudgery, ffs, that is what you are employing her for

and OP, when you come home from hospital, make it abundantly clear, little missy is doing the cooking/other childcare while you and DH bond over the new additions

I am quite shocked that some Women are so untrusting of their husbands they would fire someone from their job and doing an honest day's work simply for being pretty

I think there are real plus points to having an attractive, sociable, athletic young au pair with lots of energy. Let's hire someone old, frumpy, unsociable and overweight I'm sure the children would love her but what they hell at least your man is safe.....

Just out of interest - how do you lot cope when a 19-year-old niece, cousin, etc comes to stay? Will you refuse to let your children join the exchange scheme, when they're teenagers, in case you have to accommodate a pretty girl? Will you stop your teenage daughters having friends to stay?

I'm just imaginining you all building 20ft walls around your gardens when a pretty girl moves next door!

ffs

Cannot believe this thread... Poor girl is away from home, in a foreign country and trying to settle into an unfamiliar environment and some of you think she should be sacked for being attractive? Lovely.

Definitely sort out a proper schedule with the au pair - make her working time and off time clear, give her a list of duties.

She's going to want clear time off so she can go out and meet attractive, single people her own age instead of having to hang around with your DH.

kill all 19yo's !!!!

that should sort it

When I was 19, the thought of sleeping with someone who was as vastly old as 35 was utterly unthinkable. Grotesque, even. They almost certainly had impotence issues and false teeth to go with thinning hair and a thickening paunch. You're just tired and hormonal, and your DH is just being male.

Exactly BelleDame, there is something quite bizarre about some opinions on this thread. I feel for the girl, she just wants to fit in and do her job, hardly steal an older man for mad sex in his own house