I thought I'd been reading too much Mumsnet!

[Shaz10]

But it turns out I was right, he is having an affair. Claims to be in love with her and not me. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Hooray a smile for getting easier - those Moonpig cards shaz

Yes Shaz as Armbow says pop over to our thread and say hello..

Best lock your phone away at night so you can't get to it. Compose the text you would have sent on a piece of paper instead, and look at it in the cold light of morning before sending it. You are likely to find that what you actually do send, if anything at all, is substantially different. The middle of the night makes everything feel worse.

Aw Annie, let me have some fun!

Oh please, do have fun! But you see, in the morning you may well have thought of a fresh new insult which is even more effective than the one you first thought of. It's the sad, vulnerable texts in the wee hours when you almost miss the sod that need holding off.

Shaz my thing was to type it all out and then send to drafts and if I still wanted to send it later then ok.

Happily probably only 3 have made it out of drafts to date. DONT give him the satisfaction

insults are always better delivered face to face anyway

a) because there is no written proof !!
b) because you get to see the look on their face,
c) texts never get the right intonation across properly.

I quite like doing random texts at odd times of the day and night. I know he doesn't reply unless he's not with her, the times of replies tend to fit with when he's at work. It gives me a little comfort to see he's lying to her just as much as he lied to me. .

shaz - imagine how paranoid she must be though, she is with a man who cheated on his wife who was busy working hard and bringing up their baby.

she must think she has got a keeper bet she is sleeping with eye open. we reap what we sow.

I have no problem feeding that paranoia. .

Agree with several of the above posters. Give yourself the moral high ground it's harder for you but makes it even harder for them. One thing I would do is ban him from taking your child on dates, at least for now. Again you can keep the high ground.....you don't want your child confused before it's a deffinate the two of them will stick together. Good luck I'm rooting for you

Thanks Bulby. You need not have any worries about that! It most definitely only happened the once.
I told him a long time ago that she must have absolutely nothing to do with our son. He agreed. And I wrote it in the email when we agreed access arrangements.

I think it was that time that hurt me most of all. And he knows it. Of all the shitty things he's done I am sure he acknowledges that it was the shittiest.

Yes Shaz that was the shittiest thing my DH did to me, took the kids round to OW's when I didn't know there was an OW.

She will not be at all secure in their relationship, she knows that you have to have loads of contact because of your DS, she will become more controlling of your H no doubt, asking him all sorts of questions about what you and him talked about etc. Trying to put stipulations on his contact with you etc (this is what my DH's OW did).

The best thing that happen with me was when I found out what DH was up to (he had been gone for 6 weeks) and who she was, she sent me some texts along the lines of "you are so pathetic, your H no longer loves you or wants you, get over yourself babe (yes she put that in) and move on". Well, not knowing my DH was with an OW, I had had sex with him a couple of times over that period and we had exchanged emails leading up to the events, you get my drift. I texted her that my H had wanted me the previous Friday and if she cared to sent me her email address I would prove it , she did and I sent the emails that were obviously "undoctored" - just proved that my H was lying to her as well. Obviously by this time, I didn't particularly want my DH, already been to solicitor etc. But I was so pleased to have burst her bubble - she never texted me again after she received those emails .

Your H is probably trying to live with the guilt now, hopefully it will eat away at both of them, they deserve nothing less.