I thought I'd been reading too much Mumsnet!

[Shaz10]

But it turns out I was right, he is having an affair. Claims to be in love with her and not me. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Hi Shaz, I've just read this, and have to tell you how much I admire you. Keep strong, you sound fabulous.

thanks BB. I don't feel particularly fabulous. I go through massive 'woe is me' phases. And I text him in the middle of the night (I still wake up a lot) with stuff that could wait till morning. I'm sure he's hiding these from OW as he doesn't reply till much later, when I know he's at work. That makes me a little smug!

Yuck. Just had another intense conversation with his dad. He won't talk to them so they resort to me. And I feel uncomfortable with my desire to call their son an asshat in front of them. I do feel they've been too nice/softly softly with him so far and have told them that. So maybe it's rocket time!

My mum did tell me that if I'd done what he did she would give me a pasting, so it's not a darling child thing.

Shaz

You have done brilliantly so far. But you will have big ups and downs.

Do think about getting some counselling - it would help you longterm. Good also to have somewhere RL to vent away from friends/family.

Yes sympathise with the family being too nice. If Id cheated on my H, my family would have given me hell. His family have simply closed ranks and hes fine. Shows them up in their true light.

It will help you to move to as little contact with H as possible -it helps you heal faster if that is what you want.

Well that seems to be that. I told him to get off his ass and stop 'deciding'. I said I knew he wants to be with OW and he needs to grow a pair and come out and say it, and eventually he did. I called him an idiot, said he'd wake up one day and wish he'd never been born, and to call me when that happens (we'll see what I say to that!) And then told him to get out. I thought I'd feel really upset but I don't. I've been bugging him for weeks to decide what the hell it is he wants, I knew it was her but he didn't have the guts to say, and I was right. Maybe that's why I feel ok about it.
He gave me a load of guff about how I'd always be our son's mother and I told him to piss off and how I wish I'd never met him. Asshat.

ahh shaz i am so sorry,

at least you can say that you did everything you could - you gave him the chance to come back - this is his decision and he will regret it.

you have been so dignified through all this.

keep posting i always look out for your thread.

xx

Oh I have not been dignified. I have insulted him, sworn at him, cried and begged him to come back, sent him long ranty texts and emails in the middle of the night, everything. But today I felt calm and ready to tell him to fuck off forever.

well i think you have done splendidly

you are entitled to tell the f8cker what you think of him

Have just read the entire thread and think you are incredibly strong, stronger than you perhaps realise and certainly you have more balls than your cowardly ex.

And I am really looking forward to the point where you recognise that he is no prize, that you can genuinely smile and tell him "Since meeting Fabio and having three days of sex, I've realised you were never good enough for me" - or simply smiling pityingly, "You were never good enough for me"

Because he isn't.

Yes Shaz10, you have been brilliant. The ranting and raving, crying, pleading, begging, txting and emailing are all natural behaviours. You are human after all.

He probably is feeling guilty and is directing misplaced spite and anger at you, instead of himself.

Have you got your mum and dad, near you. Are they willing to call in on you everyday, so you've got friendly human contact every day, and plenty of help. They could do bits of house work, gardening and look after the your ds while you have a shower, get your hair done etc.

Get family and friends to baby sit a lot so you can get out with friends.

Do you feel ready to set up some routine about when he sees ds so that you get to have a break and a rest?

It is such a difficult situation, you will come through it, and be content and happy. Just take things slowly, and get plenty of help from family and friends. So that you are not spending long periods of time on your own, mulling things over.

Shaz I am sorry its ended up like this but now you know where you are at you can start rebuilding your life with your lovely ds. Keep posting and do pop over to the dumpling thread and say hello X

Hello Shaz. Sorry you've had such a hard time but he's done you a favour really. You're better off without him. x

H's birthday is soon, went to get him a card from his son. Saw all the "wonderful husband" cards and cried in the shop. .

Do him one on Moonpig, 'To the cuntiest husband in the world, many grim returns you oxygen thief' or something Get it sent to your house though, you want to see it first!

Shaz, I think I love you

How about 'thank you for the sperm'?

Ha! That's genius.

I did some . I don't know if I'll ever send them but they were fun to make.

Tee hee hee fantastic Fliss

He's here on an afternoon/bedtime visit. He's not wearing his wedding ring. I know I've not worn mine for ages but it just gave me a little jolt. It really is happening!

How weird is this? He spent the whole afternoon here till son went to bed, and after I'd got over the bump of seeing him without his ring it was actually quite nice and chilled spending time with him, although I was pottering too. I played with our son while H was there - I won't go as far as saying we played together but it was close!

I've been clearing out one of the rooms in the house while he was here, I suppose it was nice to have something to do while he was on parent duty. Something other than get all bitter and upset anyway!

I think I may have found a way around getting upset when he leaves. When he took our son upstairs after he fell asleep, I got his coat and other bits and waited, standing, for him. When he came downstairs I handed them to him and thanked him for coming. I felt in control. It was good.

Probably won't stop me sending ranty texts in the night though!

glad you are feeling ok shaz, try to stay in control it really really helps. little things like you being the one drawing a conversation to a close on the phone, doing what you did tonight by saying goodbye first all help.

don't get drawn into emotionally charged discussions because you could drop your guard and end up feeling bad again for a while.

i always feel like crap whenever h and i "talk" i am having a good couple of days at the moment and it is no coincidence that this is because i am fully in control and not getting sucked into the emotional black hole.

by the way shaz, come over and see us on the recently ditched thread (we are nice) and there is some great advice and support.

hope you are ok.

x

I have started reading it! Guess I don't want to admit I've been ditched.

PS my cards arrived. They look fabulous! I have done a really nice birthday one and a "Thanks for the sperm" one.

at your cards are you going to give it to him ??????

we use the term ditched very loosely of course

I don't know. I might just keep them to cheer me up every so often.