Shaz it's good that you are so many steps ahead of him and can see those phone bills. He hasn't a clue that you've got access to him, so will continue lying to you. I know it really hurts when you see significant dates on the bills, but in the wake of something like this, it feels strangely comforting to hang on to facts that are indisputable. No doubt if you asked him if he ever texted OW on your anniversary/during the christening etc., he would think quickly and say "No, I did have some limits..." Lying has become a habit and it is easy to do, especially as he thinks you can't disprove it.
Those bills will help you timeline, make sense of what has been happening to you and will keep your anger going, which is highly necessary when you have understandable moments of weakness.
I want to come back to this insistence of his that he fell out of love with you and then started an affair. Obviously, this is complete nonsense, so don't you ever believe it.
However, if we work with his claim - how can he justify not talking to you about his changed feelings? How can he justify thinking that an affair was the best way of resolving that conflict?
Put yourself in his shoes for a moment, or rather the shoes he says he was wearing. We're going to reverse your roles.
You've got a young baby and he is the primary carer. However, he has had the misfortune to have endured a botched operation that caused abcesses and continuing ill health. Then just when he was recovering, he broke his foot. You realise that you're not in love with him anymore.
What would you have done?
The lies people tell themselves and others regarding their justifications for having an affair actually always paint themselves in a worse light than the truth. He would rather you think he was a cruel moral coward than someone who was in a good marriage and yet let a friendship cross the line.
The "in love" feelings he is having are like a type of insanity and allow once kind people to be very cruel to their primary partners, because nothing else matters than the object of their obsession. Those same people, in the cold light of day and when not under the influence of these type of insane, obsessive feelings, wouldn't be capable of such cruelty.
To work with this theory Shaz, it will help you to acknowledge how self-absorbed and unbalanced human beings become when they are in the grip of the chemical high induced by falling in love.
But rather than admit to the intoxication causing his feelings to depart for you, which although painful, is understandable, he would rather believe - and therefore have you believe - that he decided to be this cruel while he was of "sound mind".
Believe me either he knows he is lying or he is delusional.
He might be surprised if you tell him at some stage that you are taking him at his word and therefore he really is that cruel and doesn't have the excuse of the insanity produced by being in love. That you could partly understand that people behave badly when in the grip of an obsession, but not when they are in a normal state.
For you personally and what you believe, see the sense of this. He didn't lose his feelings for you and then have an affair. He had an affair and lost some of his feelings for you. It really helps your battered self-esteem if you absorb this truth.
The insanity I refer to in no way absolves him of responsibility incidentally and I am certainly not saying that he was powerless while in the grip of these feelings. He is a selfish, immature idiot who can't see that what he's feeling will also give way to reality, probably after he has lost everything. Deep down, the OW knows this too - and will be wondering whether if she has a baby with him one day, he will do the same to her.
Romantic idiots who make life-changing decisions when they are "in love" are immature and selfish and their actions cause untold havoc to themselves and the people around them. But do see the truth of this Shaz - and feel contempt.