It seems DH is plotting to secretly meet an old GF while on a business trip. WWYD?

[CoteDAzur]

He hasn't breathed a word about this to me and it sounds like a rather romantic date.

WWYD?

If you can afford the detective, I would go for it - then at least you will get 100% proof either way.

It may well be perfectly innocent (sort of) - he might want to make sure she's OK after the break up and doesn't want to tell you about it in case you forbid him to go. Equally they may well be shagging.

If it is the latter and you confront him now, he will convince you that either you are a suspicious, paranoid nutter or that he is intending to meet her but as friends only and then he will cover his tracks and you will never find out the truth.

Also, in my facebook messages all my correspondence with people shows their replies unless they have started a new messagge each time.

has she sent loads of one off messages, clicking 'new message' each time rather than responding to his then?

Without going into detail, I see this exchange as if listening to someone on the phone - one-sided (hers). I don't have access to his Facebook inbox.

Trouble is though, while you are doubting his motives and have suspicions, you do actually become that 'paranoid nutter' that he may end up calling you.

No, I would ask outright, sooner rather than later, I have learnt the hard way!

TryHarder - That is exactly how I am thinking.

so how are you seeing the messages? through his email notifications?

Have you tried searching her on FB and seeing what info she has out in the public domain. I am staggered by the number of people who haven't changed their privacy settings and allow the world and its wife to read their personal info.

tell him all about it, but say 'you'll never believe what told me today, she's found messages on facebook and it seems her dh is arranging a surreptitious meet up with old flame etc etc'. watch to see his reaction.

I would go with him!

I would get someone to have the kids for a few days, even if I had to pack them off somewhere and surprise him with "Ta da!! Let's make a romantic time of it too - I am coming!"

THEN check his reaction.

Am I the only one who would talk about this with their DH rather than start hiring detectives etc?

Why don't you trust him? Why are you checking his FB?

I would not be a "paranoid nutter" if he is actually planning to wine, dine,& bed her, though. Just aware of the situation.

I would find out where he is staying. Tell him for emergency reasons etc etc (only right he goes away and tells you where he is staying.)

Then try try try to get someone to have your DC for the night, even if its a distant family relative, anyone who would do you the favour of having your children for you. Then turn up. But i would also hire a detective incase he meets her another day. Get the Detective to follow him.

You women are much braver than me, i would have said something to the cowbag by now! - but thats me

I have a situation coming up where an ex friend of mine and DH started chatting, i found a keylogged chat on the PC and discovered intimate/flattery chats between said friend and DH. Found out that my DS1s coat is at her house, she isnt responding to any emails so i may have to drive down to collect myself. First time i would have seen her since i told her to back off and watch her back, and if i saw her in the street in town she had better cross over.

I think you have missed my post so Is it possible it is innocent but he thinks you won't believe that so is saying nothing?

oh god Cote, how complicated.

You'll find out more if you let him go, and carry on checking FB and his phone etc but you run the risk of something happening that way

If you confront him, then you'll set your mind at rest for the short term - he'll tell you that he didn't want to tell you because you made such a fuss about the money, but honestly they are just friends, and thought it'd be nice to meet up

this is probably what he's telling himself. However if he is soft hearted - then perhaps he's a bit indulgent too? Which means what he thinks of as a harmless dinner with enjoyable frisson of mild flirtation thrown in - might well become something more v easily. It might be the secret nature of it that he's liking, which perhaps a bit of a danger for you.

You are not a paranoid nutter you are trying to stop your DH shagging some slut!

I trust him as much as I would trust anyone else - i.e. not 100%.

Hmmm, when is he off?

He wanted to give his ex gf a bunch of money?

W.T.F?!

I have two exes as friends on my FB.

BUT, DH knows and knows one of them, too.

No sneakiness.

I'd come clean and tell him I know it all, if he throws it up you spied on him, I'd tell him I sure as hell was, because someone who wants to give money to his ex and plots to meet her overseas without telling me had it coming.

I wasn't checking his fb, by the way. Saw these by chance.

Then I'd see how he squirmed out of that one, and probably not believe any of it.

Rdv in a week but he hasn't told me he is going yet.

Oh, then I'd definitely confront him about it. Absolutely.

I've cheated in the past on boyfriends, and I planned it exactly the way he is doing.

Expat - Not sure how that would help, as it would end up with me more suspicious and him more careful in the future.

I'd not pussyfoot about it, either.

I'd tell him point blank, 'You're going to XYZ to meet bitch ex. I found out on FB.
Why haven't you told me you were going and meeting her?'

And then, yep, I'd probably hire someone to tail him.

Because I smell a rat.

He's not very careful, Cote. Most men never are.