It seems DH is plotting to secretly meet an old GF while on a business trip. WWYD?

[CoteDAzur]

He hasn't breathed a word about this to me and it sounds like a rather romantic date.

WWYD?

agree with Dexter, talking to him now might bring him back down to earth and make him realise what he stands to lose.

Although nipping it in the bud is v good idea
How to go about it though?

The question is whether confronting him with what I know now would (1) "nip it in the bud" or (2) make him deny it and then reschedule with her, to a date & place that I won't know about?

Attila - No, none of that.

When there was the previous mention of her needing some money, did your DH tell you and how did he hear from her then...a meeting, email etc.?

Also, how does him not mentioning this fit with how he normally behaves regarding people he meets while he is away? I don't always know who my DH is having dinner with on business trips, sometimes I get to know if I ask / he mentions it, other times not. Likewise I may have lunch with someone and not mention it.

Is there anyway you could turn up at the beginning of the business trip as a surprise?

Can you nudge his conscience by talking of your own romantic date at that restaurant in that city, and suggest that you go there together again sometime soon? Would be interesting to see his reaction...

Or how about suggesting that he meet up with a friend of your who "happens to be" in that town on that night? (Friend can always cry off sick at a later date)

Assume that you've found out the details illicitly from FB?

Agree with Dexter
If he goes through with the meeting, and even if you hire a detective, you might never get to find out exactly what happened. He can deny it til he is blue in the face, even if she leaves his hotel room at 8am, he could say we had a few too many drinks and she fell asleep in my room, blah blah blah.
And if you confront him and follow through with leaving him, that's a lot to lose.

Some men need a huge wake up call to see what they have got to lose, they are bloody stupid.

I would do a bit more snooping, be sure they are up to no good, and then confront him. And tell him the deals off, he is not going to see her

This is so tricky, knowing what to do, I really do sympathise.

My H told me he was going on a business trip out of the country, not an unusual thing at all, but it was one I could have gone with him on, not unusual either. He said that I should stay at home as it wouldn't be much fun and he would be in meetings.

However, when he left me about 6 months later I asked him about the particular trip and he admitted taking OW with him, and he had booked the time off work as a holiday.

No wonder he ran out of holiday entitlement for me and DC.

Not much help I know, but how do they manage to pull the wool over our eyes???

Think you need to decide if you want to 'catch' him or prevent it. And then if you want to hire a PI, what you expecting. For instance, a photo of him/her going into the same hotel room? May not indicate guilt/innocence. You already know about dinner and probably where he is staying. Follow her/follow him?

I've been out with exes. If it's going on either of our business expenses, it would be to a nice place. I've also accepted money from exes on occasion. Although I'd feel uncomfortable if I knew a friend had hidden it from his wife, I wouldn't presume to analyse their marriage.

This is why I feel you should raise it with him first. Again, if it's a dealbreaker, hire the PI. But I feel a lot of your respondents are jumping to conclusions that may not necessarily be correct.

I think you have to decide where you are in terms of your own relationship and whether you do something now

a) you confront him, he confesses all, and you can move on, great

b) you confront him, he denies all, and you wonder for ever what would have happened

Or, you wait until it has "happened" and

a)you confront him with evidence (if you think he would laugh it off as a happy coincidence)

The thing is, at what point does it become a dealbreaker?

The deceit
The shattering of trust
The "adultery"

Do you want to carry on with the relationship, or are you almost hoping that he will do it and you will have a legitimate reason to end that relationship ?

It doesn't sound like you think it's entirely innocent?

How about you turn up at dinner and say you decided to surprise him by popping in to stay the night.

Cote, do you think he would have an affair tho?

How are things between the two of you, do you think he would listen to you if you told him you thought her intentions were not good, and asked him to stop contacting her?

You say "It does sound like she is trying to get her hooks into him. "

doesn't it sound very much like he is equally trying to get his hooks into her?

I can see your dilemma, if you confront him now it gives him the oportunity to backtrack and cover up.

Thing is if he does go and meet her, what next?

Running - I like those ideas - very subtle! I will work on the "conscience" and will try to think of a friend.

I'd love to surprise him by turning up there, but can't leave DC with anyone.

Duelling - I don't really know how DH sounds like in this exchange because I've only seen her messages.

I've no idea about Facebook - I assume you can't print these messages out for further use?

Is it possible it is innocent but he hasn't said anything as you won't believe that?

I arranged to meet an old flame last year, made plans 3 times actually, and he didn't tell his wife a thing. She doesn't even know we were in touch. I cancelled each time and don't talk to him now though he texted me out of the blew last week. DH replied .

Yes I can print them. Already saved them for posterity.

So you can blow the "gosh guess who I met in X" line out of the water immediately ?

Cote- has he deleted his sentbox then?
has he done this with everyone else?

If the messages are on the facebook then can you go into sent items and read his or has he deleted them?