me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

or 'beautiful babes battling booze' , sounds like a headline from news of the world!

Liking that one even more! And it does sound like a tabloid headline but at least everyone will be in no doubt what it's about!

Maybe: Old Bags No More - Beautiful Babes Battling Booze!

I thought that MIFLAW was for Mother-In-Fuckin-LAW!!!

no, no big head - makes me feel quite humble actually, i think sometimes we go through life kind of unaware that strangers can be just as desperate as ourselves but are perfectly willing to try and help anyway - i will never forget the kindness i have found, not only at aa but on here too!

Melvyn! How are you doing? Everything still going OK?

melvyn - i thought that too

JWN - didn't think you would have a big head really. You have come across as really humble when anyone has thanked you x

yeah moomin! i like that last one of yours!

So you are nearly at the end of your first thread, well done to all of you and I will be looking out for your next one with interest, hope and a smile on my face.

i have lost 10lbs though! big head emoticion!

OK, we'll see what everyone else thinks tomorrow re the title!

Go JWN with the weight loss, yippee!

Hello five, thank you for your kind thoughts and good wishes x

well ladies, i am off to bed, usual busy type of day tommorrow.

today has been LOADS better than yesterday - i am so glad i didn't pick up

wishing you all goodnight!

love L xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Night all! Here's to another successful day!

Hello everyone
TWO WEEKS!
Very busy day at work today, working at home this evening as well. Thought about drink a couple of times out of habit - "when I get home after this I'll deserve a drink" - but quickly reminded myself not to and didn't feel too bereft. It really is only if I project, as MIFLAW would say, that I feel I am missing out - it is ok now, but I have to NOT imagine other times...

Algee - I completely know where you are coming from. I have also had feelings like that on certain kind of diets - cutting out sugar and refined carbs can leave you feeling not hungry physically but emotionally very exposed. I think this is interesting - how you manipulate your emotions with substances like sugar and alcohol can be very similar.
Hang in there and don't be afraid to cry.

I'm reading "drinking: a love story" by Caroline Knapp. It talks about certain specifically female aspects of addiction which is interesting. I got it cheap second hand and can post it on to anyone who wants to read it after me.

Indie - is Wolf Hall good?

Have a good night, all you clean-living heroines

hello computer fairies...sorry, I read all the posts now can't remember who posted what (do you all take notes or something as you write??!!)

Kind of had the answer I was sort of hoping for from you all though, I just didn't want to type it at the time. I think I feel sad because I like alchohol, I like the way it makes my glass feel (cranberry tonic doesn't do it) and I feel something like annoyance that my eyes DO feel brighter, and I AM sleeping better, and my time with dd feel less grudging...it annoys me because alchohol is my chum, and it's hard to admit and accept that that is in fact a load of old bollocks. I felt really sad today, and knew that alchohol would help, but then had I felt really happy, alchohol would have helped make me even happier too... waffle waffle.

Better load the dishwasher. It was good to cook for my friend, I miss that small social thing with dh away. She was driving so only had a small drink as she arrived...bloody bottle of bacardi in the fridge now!

Expect you're all in bed so sleep well, and thank you ALL for being so honest and amazing...

...as you READ!!

...oh and i haven't had a drink! 5 days...

Well done curry and algee!

algee - I agree about getting confused about who has written what! Glad you had a nice time with your friend.

curry - it's so true what you said about not being 'bereft'. I only have to think about the places (physical and emotional) that drink has taken me in recent times to see that I am not missing out. (Unless I miss all the shit - which I don't!)

Sleep well everyone.

yes, I think I shall take to reading with a pen and piece of paper next to me!

Few e-mails to write then bed, without a night cap.

Good girl! Another sober day behind you. Hope you are feeling pleased with yourself.

You too! Weird being so alert so late...e-mails should be semi coherent!!

Absolutely! I should wake in the morning and be thinking 'Oh hell, what did I write on that bloody thread last night. Oh God I am so embarrassed' blah blah blah! But instead we are managing a perfectly pleasant, sober exchange! Weird!

right, i'm done and i don't even fancy a night cap now!

sleep well moomin, hope you're all sleeping well computer fairies, thank you!

Glad you made it through a tough night Algee. Is there a nice tea you can make your bed time toddy? I like green tea at night, very thirst quenching.

Its bizzare, i read your thread and i dont drink much these days but i know what you mean about drink making good nights better and bad times bearable. Except that this doesnt bear scrutiny. Many of my good nights end with arguments or losing things or people falling and breaking things (body parts)

I think this is the tip of the iceberg girls, that loads more modern women are having drink issues, i wonder if its the isolation of modern families and the stress of working and raising families.