Yes, I was once, "Man I Feel Like A Woman" because I am a man on what felt like a women's site (I actually joined for the bilingualism threads, but that's another story.) Everyone else kept abbreviating my name to MIFLAW so I thought, "why should I bother typing it out in full if no one else does?" And MIFLAW was born ...
Chink - I never considered Antabuse because I never wanted to stop drinking. Even when I went to AA (after the court appearance I described yesterday) it was, not to stop drinking, but to stop drinking the way I drank. I thought that I could take a leaf out of the book of the REAL alcoholics I would find there and use it to moderate my own, much less bad, drinking. I tried and failed at that a few times before realising that, if it really was all or nothing, then nothing was the more attractive option (because by then I was well aware of what "all" looked like ...); and that, while waiting for a better idea, I should stick around. I'm still waiting ...
Jesus - remember that you are still in (comparatively) early recovery. Be nice to yourself. Allow yourself any behaviour whatever, no matter how childish, selfish and unreasonable it may seem, if the alternative is a drink. You want to eat a six pack of crisps? Eat them. You want to leave the cooking to someone else and go to the pictures alone? Do it. You want to chainsmoke 20 B&H? Smoke up, Johnny. The time for reasonableness and growing up and considering others will come soon enough, but it can't come at all if you are drinking. Well done for getting through last night - glad the swearing helped.
I see the train stories are going strong ... When I was only 20 I spent a year in Russia as part of my degree. I met a Russian girl (actually, as a result of chasing a free drink!) and arranged to travel down to Moscow to see her again.
On the train, I got chatting (as you do) to a couple of truckers. Being richer than them, I bought us two bottles of spirits from the conductor (they don't mess about in Russian buffet cars!) We drank them (I was not a big spirit drinker in those days) and they persuaded me to share their cabin (I had my own private sleeper booked.)
I half woke in the early hours of the morning and dreamt my money had been stolen. A bad dream, surely?
But no. When I woke, most of my money had indeed gone, along with a couple of items from my baggage (but not all, which makes me think my new friends had stolen them.)
With a massive hangover and the more unstable of the two truckers in tow, I set out into Moscow. I had to buy a new ticket; he insisted we go looking for a drink and got us thrown out of a restaurant at 7 in the morning for trying to buy vodka; we ended up in a hostel room together, him showing me a nasty-looking knife and making veiled threats to try and get even more money out of me; and, when I saw the Russian girl that night, I had to borrow money off her (at the time, it was the Westerners who were rich, not the Russians, so this was almost unheard of.) I never saw her again ...
Now, a lot of this was down to youthful arrogance and naivete and thinking that my previous visits to Russia and excellent spoken Russian made me more "streetwise" than your average student. But, for years after, my main resentment about the whole thing was that I had bought the drinks! Everything else seemed unlucky and a pity but basically fair enough and par for the course. The thought that, if I hadn't drunk, it wouldn't have happened, was not one I allowed myself to entertain.