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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

me and alcohol have ruined my family

999 replies

jesuswhatnext · 31/05/2010 12:32

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

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ChinkOfLight · 12/07/2010 21:37

Oh and it's pissed on my washing too - and my sun loungers. It can stay there.

curryeater · 12/07/2010 21:40

WELL DONE JWN!
Bless you, you came through that wobble and already looking for constructive things to do.
Look after yourself and don't take dd's selfishness personally.
(I look back on the selfishness of my teenage years and can't understand how I wasn't slapped)

Indie, can't wait to hear if the curry takes effect. Never did for me - I lived on curry throughout. dd was 9 days late and I don't think anything I did made a difference, she came when she felt like it.

Good night everyone and well done to all not drinking, especially those having shitty fucking crappy bog-awful sweary days

ChinkOfLight · 12/07/2010 21:47

Oh yes good luck indie and miss indie!

I tried pineapple..ate it until my mouth was numb. Even castor oil, ended up on the loo for 10 hours. Went into labour 15 days overdue, the night before my induction was booked. eek.

jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 22:00

hi, im back, rustled dh up an omlette, poor bugger, he has been at work since this morning, only had a sandwich and then straight to al-anon (which he said was worth going to)

sorry about earlier, just having a 'moment' alls well now!

chink - i read your earlier post about the train incident, you poor love! that woman has done you (and your dcs) a favour though, at least you are now on the road to recovery!

i am REALLY looking forward to hearing from wasindie - so exciting!!! nothing like a new baby (or two!) to bring home whats important!!

curry - i dont take it personally, i just wish she would do a few jobs without me nagging all the time - i feel like a total shrew sometimes, after all, how hard is to put your washing in the bin, tidy your plates etc - she is in no way a bad kid, just a typical one i suppose!

anyway - am calm again! whew!, did fell pretty shitty though

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MoominMags · 12/07/2010 22:01

Good God, I go away for 2 hours and all hell breaks loose, ha ha!

Well done everyone for getting through a tricky night! JWN and algee I am so proud of you both. You did it!

indie - I hope the curry works!

MIFLAW - I am waiting for that book.

chinkof - loving your honesty. I did the exact same thing re going to other shops and banging on about friends coming round for cocktails, stocking up for Xmas or whatever bollocks I could come up with. Half the time I must have stunk of booze from the night before or that same day. I live in a small town and I think everyone knows I have a 'problem', ARGH!!

Hey ho, onwards and upwards!

jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 22:02

my mum swears by castor oil for bringing on labour, all 3 of us were late, apparently it worked every time.

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MoominMags · 12/07/2010 22:03

Hello curry! (Don't like to forget any of the gang!)

jesuswhatnext · 12/07/2010 22:05

well, i think the best place for me is bed - another sober day under my belt! thank god!

so, goodnight all, sleep well!

see you tommorrow and algee - please dont listen to the bottle tonight!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

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algee · 12/07/2010 22:06

night all...taking my books to bed, safer up there! see ya and stay strong all!

algee · 12/07/2010 22:08

P.S. if this thread goes over the thousand tonight, which doesn't seem beyonds the realms of possibility, someone send out a search party for me??!!

algee · 12/07/2010 22:09

nah, i'm exaggerating aren't i? going now

MoominMags · 12/07/2010 22:14

We definitely need to think of a title. JWN - as you are the founder member have you got any thoughts?

We really got through some posts today, didn't we?!

Sleep well everyone!

WasindieNial · 13/07/2010 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominMags · 13/07/2010 07:28

Good morning lovely ladies - and MIFLAW!

How is everyone feeling today? I am delighted to be on day 20. Sleeping much better, skin has pretty much cleared up and I went to a lovely meeting last night so it's all good.

I hope that those that struggled yesterday - thinking of JWN and algee in particular - have a better time of it today.

jesuswhatnext · 13/07/2010 09:32

good morning

just typed a load of stuff and the bloody cat trod on the keyboard and lost the lot!

you can tell im feeling better today! the cat has not had my toe up his backside!

anyway, i have lost my train of thought so, all i will say is that i hope everyone os ok this morning and today

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!!

see you later, must get to the office!

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venusandmars · 13/07/2010 10:12

Heeelllooo (stilled chilled)

If I recal correctly from something a long, long time back MIFLAW previously posted as Man I Feel Like A Woman. Is that right MIFLAW?

Wasindie, when I was overdue with my first dd, my h (now exh) convinced me that sex would bring on the baby - something to do with the hormones in semen. Guess that's not going to work for you . Was load of crap anyway.

Glad you got over your wobble JWN. It's easy (and encouraging) to post on here when we are bright and celebrating another sober day, but I think this thread is really at its best when one of us is struggling, feeling pissed off, or self-pitying. My plane was very delayed last night and I ended up waiting next to a (very posh)woman who offered to share her bottle of wine with me. Aarrgghh!!!!!

A few weeks ago I would have been in drunken companion heaven, and we would have been best buddies for a couple of hours. God, I was so, so, so tempted. Hungry and tired and very,very tempted. Her wine looked lovely, pale straw coloured, and very cold, so the glass had beads of water on it. But then I could smell the sour smell of alcohol on her breath, and I just thought Oh no, I DON'T WANT TO SMELL LIKE THAT AGAIN. I told her I had a bit of a headache, and declined her offer. God, I was really, really close to having a drink. In the space of a millisecond I had convinced myself that it would only be one glass (plane would arrive soon etc, etc), when I KNOW from previous expereience that we would have shared another bottle, then I would have bought the expensive crap wine on the plane (screwing up my face at the disgusting bitter taste) and then had several as soon as I got home to unwind / celebrate my arrival home / recover from the delayed flight / whatever excuse.

Well done all of us. We know how hard it is, and yet we are all still here, coming back when we've got it wrong and being delighted for every day of success that we have, and that others have.

MoominMags · 13/07/2010 10:23

Welcome back venus! So great to catch up with you. Well done on resisting at the airport. You know exactly where it would have ended - 'watching the film right to the end'! Bloody brilliant.

(Thanks for explaining MIFLAW's name - and whoever asked the question!)

venusandmars · 13/07/2010 10:27

Hi chinkoflight, I've not been on here since you started posting. Your situation on the train could have happened to many of us I suspect. I am so ashamed that I have driven the car drunk and I know I was very lucky not to have done something horrific as a consequence. Yet even then I could not recognise that I had an alcohol problem.

I remember that I once got caught out when I'd refilled a bottle of wine with water. I'd obviously missed it when I was 'tidying up' and only discovered it several weeks later when friends were round for dinner. Fortunately I needed a little wine for cooking. As I started to pour I realised 2 things: first that I could see the colour was too pale,and that it did not smell like wine, and secondly that some slimy stuff has started to grow in the bottom of the bottle . I took an exagerated sniff, exclaimed yuk! and ceremoniously poured the whole lot down the sink. Afterwards my dp said I'd over-reacted and that we should have taken the bottle back to get a refund. Hmmm - I doubt we would have got that one past the wine manager.

Have a great day everyone.

MoominMags · 13/07/2010 10:31

Ah yes, the old topping the bottle up with water trick! Quick thinking though, ha ha!

MIFLAW · 13/07/2010 10:57

Yes, I was once, "Man I Feel Like A Woman" because I am a man on what felt like a women's site (I actually joined for the bilingualism threads, but that's another story.) Everyone else kept abbreviating my name to MIFLAW so I thought, "why should I bother typing it out in full if no one else does?" And MIFLAW was born ...

Chink - I never considered Antabuse because I never wanted to stop drinking. Even when I went to AA (after the court appearance I described yesterday) it was, not to stop drinking, but to stop drinking the way I drank. I thought that I could take a leaf out of the book of the REAL alcoholics I would find there and use it to moderate my own, much less bad, drinking. I tried and failed at that a few times before realising that, if it really was all or nothing, then nothing was the more attractive option (because by then I was well aware of what "all" looked like ...); and that, while waiting for a better idea, I should stick around. I'm still waiting ...

Jesus - remember that you are still in (comparatively) early recovery. Be nice to yourself. Allow yourself any behaviour whatever, no matter how childish, selfish and unreasonable it may seem, if the alternative is a drink. You want to eat a six pack of crisps? Eat them. You want to leave the cooking to someone else and go to the pictures alone? Do it. You want to chainsmoke 20 B&H? Smoke up, Johnny. The time for reasonableness and growing up and considering others will come soon enough, but it can't come at all if you are drinking. Well done for getting through last night - glad the swearing helped.

I see the train stories are going strong ... When I was only 20 I spent a year in Russia as part of my degree. I met a Russian girl (actually, as a result of chasing a free drink!) and arranged to travel down to Moscow to see her again.

On the train, I got chatting (as you do) to a couple of truckers. Being richer than them, I bought us two bottles of spirits from the conductor (they don't mess about in Russian buffet cars!) We drank them (I was not a big spirit drinker in those days) and they persuaded me to share their cabin (I had my own private sleeper booked.)

I half woke in the early hours of the morning and dreamt my money had been stolen. A bad dream, surely?

But no. When I woke, most of my money had indeed gone, along with a couple of items from my baggage (but not all, which makes me think my new friends had stolen them.)

With a massive hangover and the more unstable of the two truckers in tow, I set out into Moscow. I had to buy a new ticket; he insisted we go looking for a drink and got us thrown out of a restaurant at 7 in the morning for trying to buy vodka; we ended up in a hostel room together, him showing me a nasty-looking knife and making veiled threats to try and get even more money out of me; and, when I saw the Russian girl that night, I had to borrow money off her (at the time, it was the Westerners who were rich, not the Russians, so this was almost unheard of.) I never saw her again ...

Now, a lot of this was down to youthful arrogance and naivete and thinking that my previous visits to Russia and excellent spoken Russian made me more "streetwise" than your average student. But, for years after, my main resentment about the whole thing was that I had bought the drinks! Everything else seemed unlucky and a pity but basically fair enough and par for the course. The thought that, if I hadn't drunk, it wouldn't have happened, was not one I allowed myself to entertain.

MoominMags · 13/07/2010 13:32

Afternoon! How is everyone doing today? Anyone going to meetings today? chinkof - are you at a session today? I am off to AA tonight - again! Not much else to report at the moment. Just a nice, steady, sober day!

Keep well everyone x

algee · 13/07/2010 14:19

hello everybody...just checking in. day 5. only made it by the skin of my teeth, but still counting...

venusandmars · 13/07/2010 14:42

Well done algee. Skin of your teeth is good enough.

jesuswhatnext · 13/07/2010 14:57

hi all - just another quick one! - met df for lunch, bless him, he asked for an orange and soda - his way of supporting me!

feeling soooo much better today, dh has given me boost, apparently i look ten years younger from behind! , i will take that in the spirit it was meant

no aa for me today, am seeing the family tonight, will be fine though, all very supportive

hope everyone is ok? hang on in there ALGEE!

see you later!

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jesuswhatnext · 13/07/2010 16:48

nearly finished work, but just read something in my local paper, its about a murder trial - dear god, it seems a fwe alkies killed an alkie 'friend' - the discription of this mans last days are horrific, the poor man just laid on a sofa, drinking, being sick, unable to get up for the loo etc - its actually made me cry - hard to believe that a human can get so low, he was someones baby once he was 42.

there but for the grace of god!!!!

sorry to bring another 'downer' on to the thread, 'specially after my moment yesterday, its just upset me i guess.

promise to be more cheerful later on!

back later! xxx

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