me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

That sounds horrific. Poor guy. 43 is no age is it?

Sorry - 42 is no age.

a few years younger than me - im not ready to go yet.

No you're not. None of us are - and that's what we are all doing here. Trying to get well and not end up in that type of situation. I know it seems far off but as you said JWN, there but for the grace of god.

Well, i have just read this thread and you are all so wonderful and inspiring! I have a dear friend who has recently admitted to being an alcaholic. ( we all knew before she did of course) and is going to AA. I am so thrilled for her but i wish she could join you all, the support here is great. She has no laptop so am going to send her my old one and try to get her online. She has two little kids who need their mum, safe and well.

Well done you lot, very inspiring. x

Hi Rupert, tell your friend we look forward to her joining us!

Horrible JWN...

guys can I just ask you something? I am sooooooo sad today, like teary and all, but can't put my finger on it, and I'm totally not the teary type. Any of you recognise that as being connected with pulling out? I so want a drink. Friend coming tonight, have bacardi chilling in the fridge (I hate the stuff, so that's ok!) along with my cranberry and tonic. Not a good enough friend to share this with, but in a way that's good 'cos I won't feel so like getting blasted with her. However, when she's gone... maybe I'm hormonal or something? Sorry to be needy again...I just know that one or more of you might have felt the same????

hey rupert, sorry that looked as if i ignored you... if she's made to feel half as welcome as i have been made to feel, she'll be glad to be here as i am!

not atall Algee. I hope you make it through tonight, you are doing so damn well.

I have a chronic illness and so i rarely drink now, on too many pills, but i just know if i wasnt ill, i would be well on my way to a drunk. I am so proud of all you peeps doing this. How about cancelling the visit?

When i tried to stop smoking, lots of really cold water with ice seemed to numb the sensation and craving.

I think it sounds like your hormones are still adjusting to the new regime algee. It will pass, hang in there girl x

saying that, am still smoking like a furnace, so maybe not the best to advisex

Hello algee, it's normal to feel all sorts of emotions - we've spent years drowning feelings in booze so it seems quite weird. I am sorry that you are feeling teary! And you are not being needy - don't worry. In terms of emotions I am just bubbling with rage and anger today. No reason for it. I just am! I would love to use booze to try to get rid of it - but that's the whole bloody point isn't it?! We have to learn to live with real life and real emotions. I have no intention of drinking but I am pleased that I am off to a meeting tonight. Makes me feel safe!

Keep posting!

Hi algee, when I was away at my mediation and yoga thing this weekend, I spent ages in tears. Just felt like waves of emotion overwhelming me. It's been a long, long time since I allowed myself just to feel, and some of it pretty rubbish.

The meditation stuff was really good though 'cos you don't wallow in the negative emotions or judge yourself for it, just notice that they are there.

For me it also feels a little like a bereavement - I thought I had a great friend (alcohol) whio was with me when I was up and with me when I was down. Now I have found out that she wasn't a friend after all. I am sort of grieveing for a friend that never was. It will pass though.

Just keep coming on here and posting how you feel algee. Whatever rubbish I might post, at least if I am on here I am doing something better than drinking.

How are curryeater, wasindie and chinkof today?

Hi venus and wasindie!

You will be pleased to hear that the rage has passed! Always find that a meeting helps. Although knocking down a wall sounds like fun!

venus - I totally agree re the 'mourning'. In fact I was going to say something along those lines earlier tonight. I am mourning the loss of that 'friend'. Some bloody friend! I am also mourning the loss of the good times that I had with booze. Because in the beginning I had fabulous times! (Especially as a student in Liverpool - ah, good times!) I have to accept that those times have gone. Drink is NOT my friend, drink leads to shame, degradation, sadness and much more.

Hope that everyone else has had a good day.

Lots of love to all - posters and those just reading for the moment.

algee - I hope that you got on OK with your friend being round x

hi all, had a lovley evening, bit sad too, we waved goodbye to aunt and uncle, back off home to new zealand, aunt and i are very close and i will miss her to bits - i have a feeling that funds wont allow us to visit for a few years , so no idea when we will meet again.

anyway - algee, why not just sit and have a bloody good cry? - i know i did a couple of times in the first week or so, it does you no harm!!! a drink is what WILL harm you!

moomin,why not find a political blog and have an angry rant at all the injustices you see everyday - wont hurt you and you never know, you may even get listened to!

wasindie - i feel your pain i am on my second mirena - apparently this one will just about see me through menopause without me having too many symptoms! fwiw - i have never had any problems with it and am jolly glad my doc recommended it.

hi venus - may i ask - are you very experienced with yoga? i have had a few sessions now and really loved it, i would like to take it further but am not quite sure how to go about it, i went and asked at the local buddist centre and there are several classes to choose from, am just wondering which i should go for - any advice would be very welcome!

rupert - you sound like a very lovley friend - please tell her to try us out, no judging, no preaching etc (may be a bit of bossy knickering now and again! )just a load of miflaws groupies trying to get better!

moomin - i know what you mean about mourning the loss of good times, like you, at the start of my drinking i had some fantstic times, huge laughs etc - i just have to keep re-reading my initial post though to see just how far it eventually bought me down!

i will save some of the funniest memories though, i think that quite normal.

Hey JWN! Have you (or anyone else) had any thoughts about the title for the new thread? Looks like we are storming towards it!

Loving the idea about venting on some blog. Will have a nose about - there's plenty of injustice around after all!

cross posted there - so pleased that you understand!

i dunno!! 'miflaws non-boozy babes' perhaps?

That made me laugh out loud! Which is a good thing! Booze battling babes?

how about 'boozy old bags no longer'

Yep - that has a good ring to it! Really positive too. Hopefully everyone else will like it!

God, I just love having this thread - thanks again (you must be getting a big head now, ha ha!) It almost feels like a little family. Love it!