me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

Good morning to everyone. My rage has definitely passed (for now!) so I am feeling much better.

How is everyone else? I hope that you are all well.

Day 21. Yippee!

Hello moomin...three weeks today, bloody fantastic!

day 6 for me, sadness seems to have passed but must watch out for those pesky emotions!!

Driving to dh with my dd after school, she has two taster days booked in her school to be. So five or so hours in the car, never tempted at all then, but usually have a reward set up at the other end. Tonight I shall be travelling with chocolate as my journey end reward!

Have a good day all.

Hope your daughter enjoys her taster! I find that chocolate is a fantastic reward these days!

Yeah, look out for the emotions - anger may rear it's ugly head soon!

ITS ugly head. Doh!

Morning all - and did I see MelvynMummy on here last night? Nice to see people still dropping in.

I just read something on the dailymail website in a newspaper about someone like us. But I read her blaming her marriage breakdown, or her stressful working life for her becoming an alcoholic. What I really like on this thread is that mostly we can see that it is not our circumstances that have caused our problems, we have just used those as excuses to have a drink. I think the honesty on here is really good, if we were all blaming external events then I suspect our current sober states would be short lived, and it would be no time before we found another event that drove us to have a drink.

Now I have a question (prompted by algee's bottle of bacardi). Do you still keep booze in the house? I have a little nagging MIFLAW in my head who says "don't keep temptation under your nose" (or something similar). We still have wine and whiskey (which I never drink), and there are 2 little cans of gin and tonic sitting that have been in the fridge for more than 2 weeks. I think that I feel OK with that. Bizzarely I think I am finding it easier to know there is a drink in the house. Even though it is my intention not to drink, I know that I could. I feel as though if there was no alcohol around, then I would feel panicky and less in control and desperate to go out and buy some (and maybe drink it). Is that strange logic or am I kidding myself? Just wondering how the rest of you deal with it?

Have a good day all. x

Hey, do you know, I have never been on any forum ever where people know me by name and look out for me. It makes me feel kind of nice (sweet, shy smile). Thanks everyone.

OMG I think I even put a 'x' on my last post

Hi venus, I also read that story this morning. Agree with what you are saying about us not blaming anyone or anything. I hadn't thought about it before but God, we are actually being really honest! (Get us!)

We don't have booze in the house as DH likes to go to the pub rather than drink at home. (Any that was around I hoovered up on my last binge, ha!) I am not sure about the perceived wisdom on this - probably best not to have it around? On the other hand I know someone in AA who kept a half bottle of vodka about his person for his first year-ish of sobriety (for the reasons you mentioned) and has now been sober for some years. So, basically I am totally sitting on the fence!

I am also liking the fact that people 'know' me on here and look out for me!

oh no, does that mean mumsnet excommunication???

Nice to see you venus. I'm delaying work today, so bored by it all, but very behind. Lethal combination. So I thought I'd make a pot of coffee and while away a little time with you lot... I relish the opportunity to be honest here too, it's always so easy to blame other people...parents, spouses, colleagues, or circumstances I was rather ill 12 years ago when this particular madness started, but I was doing mad stuff long before then. The ilness was just an excuse. Drink however has spoiled relationships. Lucky for me dh is a persistant bugger...

I still have all our drink in. One of my excuses has always been that it'd be unfair on dh to stop, so it's important for me that things remain 'normal'. If I had binned it all, i just know that the temptation to have a secret stash somewhere would be nagging. However, it does mean that the plonk is around for me to have verbal battles with, but maybe even that's a good thing.

Can't be bothered to read this before I post, hope some of it at least makes snse!!

so I did just re-read and it makes about as much sense as a chocolate teapot. Oops

lethal combination leading to procrastination, not drink...like somebody else who posted, I never drink when I drive, and i've a long journey ahead tonight. Funny that's always been one of the facts about algee that proves she doesn't have a drink problem. hahahahahahaha!

morning - MUST be really quick - work has turned nuclear (in a good way!)

lovley to hear from everyone!

feeling very focused -

WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY!!!

see you later!!!!!!!!!

Ah yes algee, I know that reasoning. Not drinking whiskey proves that I am not an alcoholic. hahahahahah

How's everyone going? Where are wasindie and chinkof and curry?? Rupert, how's your friend getting on? Hope all is well.

I am OK. Feeling tired now - wondering if it has been caused by the rage yesterday! Anyway, no urge to drink so all is good.

Hi Moomin, am just off to phone her to see how she is doing and see if she got the laptop i sent.

When she moved away with her family, we kept in touch by phone once a week or so. I started to dread these calls as she would sound fine at 10am but by 1030 she would be slurring and repeating herself. Once i came right out and asked her if she was drinking( i heard the cork popping ) and she denied it. She went off the phone, slept for an hour then called me back to blame new pills for sounding slurred! I was embarrassed as i knew it was lies, she knew i knew, and the atmospher was not really good. I wasnt intending to judge her, not my place, but i did start to avoid the phone. After an absense of several months, thats when she admitted her problem and joined AA. I always feel i let her down as i was someone who used to drink socially with her. Should i have said something sooner girls? Or does it need to come from your own self?

You said something when it was appropriate and when you could. There is nothing wrong with saying you're worried/ concerned etc but the decision to actually do something about it has to come from the person her(him)self. You are being a great friend by being interested in her recovery and trying to help her with the laptop. You did what you could. I hope she got the laptop and she is able to join the gang soon!

Rupert, it's impossible to say isn't it? ...but i wouldn't have responded to you if you'd pushed me, in fact I'd probably have become even more entrenched, but then that's me! I think that your support now is what matters.

Right then. I'm off in about an hour and will have very limited access to the land of computer fairies until late late late on sunday night. I will try to find you, but I wish you all well over the next few days, and I'm feeling positive that next time I catch up with you I will be celebrating 10 days booze free.

See ya!

We will miss you algee! Keep safe and try to get here if you can! The new thread will probably be called something along the lines of Old Bags No More - Beautiful Babes Battling Booze! Don't want you to think we have all disappeared on you!

Take good care of yourself.

hi all, short lunch break

i have just read the article on the mail website, quite interesting but not very 'indepth' iyswim - i bet that woman gave a much bigger interview and parts have been editied - in a way, i see nothing wrong with a person having drink when faced with soem shit problem or other, the thing is, for 'normal' people, one drink would be enough, you know the sort of thing, glass of wine, a sit down and a gathering of thoughts and then action - we, on the other hand, just sit and get pissed, dont gather thoughts, just scatter them a bit further and then make the problem 1000 times worse than it need be (well, we used to, dont anymore now we are sober! )

as to the question about keeping drink in the house, well, i think it depends entierly on how it affects your sobriety, i find it makes no differance - i am seconds from shops and pubs - if i want a drink, tbh, it would only take a fwe more steps to the shops than to the cocktail cabinet!

venus - your thoughts on yoga! please!!

algee - have a good time!! keep safe!! see you monday proberbly - you are more of a night owl than i am xxx

btw rupert, dont feel guilty - my best friend does and it really bothers me she is fantastic and is now 'on the wagon' as well as she wants so much to support me, which is so kind! the thing is, i hid my problem from her for quite a while and once she realised, there was no talking to me about it, i would have told her to fuck off and mind her own business and she knows me well enough to know that that is exactly what i would have done - christ, i didn't listen to my dh or dd, just thought they were interfering shits you didn't understand and anyway, i am adult and who the fuck did they think they were, telling ME how to live!

your friend is lucky to have you - as i am lucky to have mine!

That is so lovely and supportive of your friend JWN! The friends that I have told about AA etc have been fab. And all my other friends know that I have stopped drinking. Absolutely no one has said, 'Oh why's what then?' So basically even if it's unsaid they all know there's a problem. They would have to be blind not to

moomin - i have been sooo surprised by the reactions of ALL my friends! i was told on sunday evening that they thought i was fantastic, strong etc and fabulous to have admitted my addiction it was lovley and cringe making all at the same time! i mean, dont they know what a total fucking mess i am really?

btw - my girl friends are now putting a chart on their fridge doors to count how much they are drinking a week!, there were a few 'confessions' about the levels consumed by a few of them - personally, i dont think that any of them have a problem, but it wont hurt them to have a reality check!, we all know how these things creep up on us!

Hi JWN, my approach to yoga is pretty unscientific. I pretty much try a few out until I find something I like.

For me that includes timing, location, nothing too strenuous, something with a fair bit of relaxation and meditation, run by a teacher that I feel some empathy with (more likely to be a plump, serene, middle aged woman than a slender, 20 something babe, or a lean, tanned sex god (would not be able to concertrate and would die if I farted ).

I also like a class that has others like me - fond of a glass of wine or a cake, and not too many zealots who only eat a macrobiotic raw food diet.

One teacher was insisting that half our class should move on to something more advanced than beginners so several of us left and went to another beginners class run by someone else [lazy emoticon].

Basically I am want to do something that I enjoy and that I find relaxing, I tend to like Hatha or Ayurveda 'cos they have a nice mix of postures, breathing and meditation. I find Iyengar a bit to precise for me, I always feel I am doing it wrong, I have found that Kundalini has a bit too much chanting, and I am not even interested in trying Ashtanga because it sounds too physical and I would get too hot and not be able to cool down (must be my age!).

See if you can talk to some of the teachers and find one that you feel good with.

thanks so much venus - you sound like a girl after my own heart!

i very interested in the meditation aspect - i have always been a fairly manic kind of person, have never found a way to properly relax iyswim - the spiritual side is also soemthing i feel very comfortable with - i have a personal sort of faith in a higher power and im hoping that it will help my recovery.

"Higher Power" Jesus - have you been to an AA meeting

I used to find it very difficult to meditate, too much chattering mind. Then a few years ago I bought some Holosync CDs (I think if you google Holosync and Centrepoint you can get a free demo disc). You need to wear headphones and it plays sounds at sightly different frequencies into each ear. It seemed to make a difference to me, and now I can mediatate quite easily.

Of course the real mystics who tookd 35 years to learn to meditate properly will say it is all commercial crap, but I liked it.