DH says I've turned him into a chauvinist.

[HowDoIMakeHimUnderstand]

Have namechanged...

DH and I have been together 2 years, married for 1 and we have an 8 month old DD.

When we met, he was a laid-back, tolerant liberal man. Very much a live and let live sort of person...especially when it came to gender roles and women.

However, since we married and had DD, he has really started to alter his perception on relationships, marriage, men/women and just about everything.

We have a traditional set-up. I am a SAHM, he goes out to work. He works full time and has his own business, so he works really really long hours. As a result, I do all the housework, cooking and the majority of child-care.

Recently, he has begun to make comments in regards to a 'woman's place being in the home', he doesn't like the 'feminisation of the work-place' and says that when he was younger he was led to believe that there was no such thing as a happy housewife so he gave up thinking he would ever meet one. Until I came along apparently...

I am a v. laid back sort of person. I don't mind picking up dirty socks and towels off the floor, I couldn't give a fig what he wears, how he does his hair and I don't give a crap about clothes/jewelry/shopping etc. I hate confrontation, so if something trivial is bothering me, I just let it slide. Because of our personalities, DH is very much the dominant one in our relationship.

This is just who I am naturally, it is not planned nor is it a conscious choice.

However, it seems that my laid-back, do all the housework and generally let him get on with his business/go out to pub/fix up his cars, attitude is bringing about a really unpleasant side in him.

He now spouts forth that all women should stay home full time to raise their children and that no man really wants to do housework and change nappies...and any man that does so is just pandering to 'his woman' because he has been mis-led by the feminist movement and the media into thinking that he has to act 'like a pussy' in order to keep a woman...

I've tried pointing out how wrong this attitude is...I've argued with him. All to no avail. He just smiles at me and says 'Well, I'm just glad you're not a career-woman type. I go out to work, you stay home...this is how it should be'. He even said our marital set-up has made him a chauvinist.

What should I do? We are fundamentally very happy with our marriage, he treats me really well, is always there for me if I need him and is a completely devoted father. But I'm v. worried about the impact this new 'thinking' could have on our DD as she gets older...

Have I made a rod for my own back here? Should I stop behaving like this? What can I do?

Advice really needed here...thanks if you got this far!

AF - I don't give too much of myself away. I give as much as I want.

And if I feel things are heading in a direction that is wrong, even immoral (DH's 'funny' sexist comments for example) then I have taken the necessary steps to correcting that behaviour asap.

Why did I name change? Only because I didn't want to be recognised under my 'proper' name and have potentially thousands of people knowing the intricate details of my married life. I was sharing some really sensitive, personal information. I wrote about our sex life and I was really honest about the comments he made and how they made me feel. I wanted to be anonymous.

msboogie

Domination is not necessary. That's what I'm trying to say. For me, it's a choice. For alot of people, it's a choice. And it exists outside the heterosexual model...I know plenty of gay people who have similar relationships just because it suits them.

It is not 'necessary'. But alot of people like it, it suits alot of people.

As I said earlier, if I were gay, I would probably want my relationship to be just as it is with my husband. It suits me. I'm laid back...I don't get hung up on my husband leaving dirty socks on the floor, I'm not bothered about 'being told' what to cook for dinner. When something really matters to me, when there is an issue that I just have to have resolved, then I speak up and I state my case. The times when I have done this, DH has responded exactly as he should; promptly and with due care and consideration. His stupid hurtful comments being a very good case in point. They only started happening recently and they were never said in anger. But I still annoyed and upset enough to ask people in rl about it and to follow through with someone's advice to post on here, to get some objective opinions. And when I read some of the more...ahem...passionate responses, I thought I could use them to hammer home my point to DH. It worked, very well indeed. That's not to say that I am going to tell him he must change his views on feminism and gender politics. He does think feminism has gone too far in our society. He does think that men get a rough ride in divorce courts and financial settlements and he does think that alot of women prioritise careers/money over their families. Do I agree with him? NO. But he is entitled to that opinion. But what he is NOT entitled to do is to express it in disgusting language and name-calling. Ironically, when it comes to alot of things, I am the one calling the shots, in a sort of indirect way.

To quote from a very bad movie: He may be the head, but I am the neck and I can move the head any way I like.

I am quite submissive in most of my other relationships. Both my sisters are very dominant personalities and like to have things done 'their way'...I am usually quite happy to go along with the flow and let them pick what movie to go and see/where to go for dinner/what time to meet up etc. I am just like that naturally. It's not forced.

That it fits in with the Orthodox Christian model of marriage is almost incidental. It's lucky, because I am of that background and I do love it, in lots of ways, but if I weren't like this, I sure as heck would not alter myself to fit into that mould. Just like my sisters...they are of the same background. They both have partners and they certainly don't conduct their relationships as I conduct mine.