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Original poster

Sex before marriage

287 replies

toonosy · 13/05/2010 13:25

This is really nosy...but was wondering if anyone actually waits until they are married before having sex these days?

Me and DH waited, we were together almost 6 years before we married. Our decision was for religious reasons, however I can't bring myself to ask my RL friends their opinions on this!

Would love to hear what everyone thinks, was going to put this in Religion but thought I'd get more responses here.

OP posts:
nowwearefour · 13/05/2010 13:26

I waited. But my guess is that virtually all of my friends didnt.

winnybella · 13/05/2010 13:27

No. I don't know anyone who did. Even my religous RC friends didn't.

6 years!?

tiredlady · 13/05/2010 13:28

i would be surprised to hear of anyone waiing for reasons that weren't religious

choosyfloosy · 13/05/2010 13:28

A school friend of mine certainly waited even though she wasn't particularly religious (I'm 41). I have to say she's the only one I know of in my closer group of friends. I have some less close friends who are Christians, tbh I don't discuss it with them.

I remember some figure like 4% of brides and grooms are virgins when they marry these days. I guess some could have sex with someone else but decide to wait when they meet their other half IWSWIM, but certainly I think it's uncommon.

I didn't wait but assume that it does make the relationship stronger. I would tell any child that if they decide to wait they will be in a minority in this country but a majority globally.

tiredlady · 13/05/2010 13:28

waiting I mean

2cats2many · 13/05/2010 13:28

We shagged each other the first night we met. 9 years on and still going strong.

ClaireDeLoon · 13/05/2010 13:28

We aren't married and I'm pregnant so I guess that is your answer I would imagine it is very unusual now.

DuelingFanjo · 13/05/2010 13:30

toonosey and nowwearefour

wasn't it a bit, erm, weird when you did have sex?

Malificence · 13/05/2010 13:38

God no, we didn't wait, we were two randy teenagers in 1983. I think I made him wait a fortnight before going all the way , he was so desperate it was a bit pathetic really but that's 17 year old boys for you.

It's bonkers to wait till you are married imho, you could be totally sexually incompatible, then what? Waiting just seems so ... un-natural.

TBJP · 13/05/2010 13:40

How old are you though? If I met DH when I was 16, I could probably wait six years. If I met him when I was mid-twenties, I think it would be different.

smallishsheep · 13/05/2010 13:41

Well I'm not married so can't comment, but to quote Sex and the City,
'You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive'

Original poster
toonosy · 13/05/2010 13:48

We were 18 when we met. It was sometimes a bit weird. In the beginning I (and probably him too) didn't feel ready, then later on we talked about it and decided to wait.

I think because we agreed on this means we suspected we were sexually compatible?

OP posts:
electra · 13/05/2010 13:49

I don't think I could possibly marry someone I hadn't had sex with first.

Malificence · 13/05/2010 13:49

How many couples do everything but penetrative sex though and still kid themselves that they were chaste?

I would think (properly) waiting for years is a good way to ensure sexual problems tbh, a man who is only used to masturbation until well into his twenties is likely to have either problems with P.E. or even delayed ejaculation.

PandaG · 13/05/2010 13:50

yep we waited - started dating at 17, got married at 21. Are Christians.

Hulababy · 13/05/2010 13:51

No, didn't wait. However I have only had one partner - DH. Got together with him at 16y, married 8 years later.

paisleyleaf · 13/05/2010 13:52

I can't imagine marrying someone without sleeping and living with them first.
I don't think any more or less of anyone who waits though.

thatsnotmyfruitshoot · 13/05/2010 13:53

Personally I don't think you really know if you're sexually compatible with someone until you sleep with them, it depends how important that is to you versus the moral issues it may raise (so to speak!).

I would never originally have looked at DP and thought we would be good together, but there's a zingy chemistry going on which we wouldn't have found just through talking about it. Having been in a long previous relationship where we weren't compatible, I can't express what a difference it makes..

TBJP · 13/05/2010 13:54

When I was younger, I wanted to wait until I was married. However, I didn't meet the right man til I was 30+, so that idea went out of the window. I do think had I met him at 17, with a view to marrying in a few years, I'd have been able to wait. Good on you. Sometimes I think it would have been nice if DH and I had only slept with each other. But no regrets.

malinkey · 13/05/2010 13:54

No, we waited until we got married to stop having sex

(Second time I've admitted this today - am on a roll!)

Original poster
toonosy · 13/05/2010 13:54

Well no problems here Malificence, we are pretty compatible as hoped.

It actually wasn't about knowing I was doing a right/wrong thing at the time, we talked about it and decided that was the right decision for us. I've really got no idea what I think is right anymore. I think one of the main reasons religion ostracises people is that everone thinks it's about right and wrong and following rules.

OP posts:
TBJP · 13/05/2010 13:56

Oh and yes, perhaps you are lucky that you feel sexually compatible. I met a nice guy when I was mid-twenties, dated for a while, decided to sleep with him, oh man, it was dire. Dire dire dire. Tried a few times, and I just knew it was hopeless. Would be gutted if I got stuck with that for the rest of my life!

SolidGoldBrass · 13/05/2010 13:56

TBH if you and your H both waited 6 years (and you know he didn't sneak off to get his jollies elsewhere) I would imagine that you both have very low libidos. And therefore are probably pretty compatible, so best of luck.

megapixels · 13/05/2010 13:59

I waited too but I am not from here and it is very much the norm to not have had sex before marriage. It wasn't even something that was a decision for us. It had nothing to do with religion too (though my religion does incidentally forbid it), as I said it wasn't something that was even considered.

I was 24 when I got married.

IngridFletcher · 13/05/2010 14:00

I realise that in lots of cultures it is the norm to not sleep together before you marry but I question whether it was such a strong cultural norm in the UK in past generations as we are led to believe. Certainly my grandmother was pregnant when she got married and she was from a strict catholic family. My FIL has been tracing his family tree and was shocked at how many marraiges were very swiftly followed by births.