Sex before marriage

[toonosy]

This is really nosy...but was wondering if anyone actually waits until they are married before having sex these days?

Me and DH waited, we were together almost 6 years before we married. Our decision was for religious reasons, however I can't bring myself to ask my RL friends their opinions on this!

Would love to hear what everyone thinks, was going to put this in Religion but thought I'd get more responses here.

Little bit harsh, SGB! I was 23 when I lost my virginity, I did have long-term boyfriends up til then, and had planned on not sleeping with anyone until I got married, but at 23, I decided I was with a great guy and the time was right, so from 16-23 (about the same as OP) it wasn't that I wasn't horny, it was that I was controlled. Since then, I have lost all control though!

• I meant controlled by myself, my own self-control!

I didn't - not religious. DH is, but he didn't wait either. We slept together the second day of knowing each other. we knew we were sexually compatible long before we knew we were compatible in any other way. Very important for me - you can't know you are sexually compatible until you have had sex quite a few times, IMO. Since sex is important to me, rather good sex is important, I would never have risked it!

Indeed Ingrid I have uncovered a few skeltons in my family's closet too. My great aunt was pregnant when she married 60 years ago, although it is NEVER spoken about and my grandmother doesn't actually know that I know!

That's true Ingrid - quite often in rural areas the pastor would visit once or twice a year and marry all the couples who had been shacked up since his last visit, and christen all the babies! Perfectly normal. Engagement used to be seen as far more committed than it is now and plenty of people had sex when they were engaged.

SIL is one. And (I believe) her husband (married this weekend). Religious reasons, obviously. Can't imagine why you wouldn't otherwise.

My mother, now 83 went on and on about how important it was to be a virgin when you got married, on and on about how she waited until she was married at 28 etc etc all through my teenage years. When a cousin did the family history last year it turned out her mother, my grandmother was well up the duff with my uncle when she got married in 1913, also came out one of her sisters and a sister in law were pg at marriage, all perfectly happy!

But Reality, I think the OP is talking about both herself and her dh having waited, not just herself, that should be ok shouldn't it?

Some really vile men probably still feel that a woman being a virgin is preferable, if a man, ( if he's not a virgin too) , thinks a woman should remain pure until marriage, he's probably a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

Yes it was a joint decision obviously.

However the age thing interests me - if I hadn't met DH when I was 18 who knows what I would have done?

I don't think I know anyone who waited, though can only say that for definite about friends that I knew from before their marriages. Most of us lived together before marriage.

I have only lived with DH, however, and considered that a huge commitment - I didn't think of it as trying it out to see if we could live together, IYSWIM. I wasn't that fussed on marriage, TBH, and would have happily lived in sin for the rest of our lives. He wanted to get married, though, so we had a lovely wedding 8 years ago

I was just lucky to find the first man I slept with was the right one for me Reality, I didn't know when we first started having sex that we would be together for the rest of our lives.

It does feel special ( for me) to only have had one lover for my entire life (the same for DH) but I don't think it's better, my DD has had 3 different sexual partners ( that I know of) and I think it's normal that she's not saving herself or any such nonsense.

Since I have two children and am not yet married, I think my answer is pretty obvious.

Dp and I aren't married but are happily settled together with our ds so obviously, in our case, no.

However when I was a teenager I had a strong sense of waiting until I was ready and with someone I loved. The boyfriend in question and I stayed together 5 years (age 16-21) so it worked pretty well for us at the time and I have no regrets, although I am also glad we split when we did or I would never have dp/ds!

Oh and I only know of one person who waited- my cousin- and she is deeply religious.

And was she happy to talk openly about it Paranoid? Because I certainly don't/can't with my Christian friends and really don't have a clue how the situation is for them. Which is a shame, because it's an important issue for and shouldn't be taboo like it seems to be.

Hmm, not sure really- I only know through my other cousin!!

We waited. We met when I was 18 and my now hubby was 23. We married 4 years later. We are both Christians and it wasn't even something we would have considered a possibility - we both feel very strongly that sex is for marriage only. That's not to say it wasn't incredibly difficult at times - of course it was, and it took ALOT of self-control (esp as we both lived alone in our own flats with no-one there to chaperone us so to speak!) I am so glad we waited though and now 7 years into marriage, with 2 children and another 2 on the way - I can assure you it was worth the wait and NO - we do not have low libidos! We had no fears about sexual incompatibility either as we were in constant prayer about our marriage and we believed (and still do!) that God brought us together and as He is a loving God who created sex for our pleasure He would not bring us both into a sexless/pleasureless marriage.

As for other people - the majority of my Christian friends waited too. (prob only 1 or 2 gave into temptation - this is something they regret but don't feel some unecessary sense of guilt for as they firmly believe God has forgiven them for it.) All my family waited. Outside of my Christian circles though - I doubt if anyone waited.

We waited, but we were engaged 8 months after meeting and married a year later!!!

I'm pretty impressed with my lil sis tbh, because she and her boyfriend have been dating for 4.5yrs and agree they want to get married, but haven't set a date yet and they are waiting. Not sure if I'd have coped that long - let alone 6 years!!!!

I think it also helps that we got married fairly young (21 and 23) so we hadn't been in that many serious relationships before hand. In fact, I'm DH's first proper girlfriend!!

I totally agree that it shouldn't be taboo

toonosy - I had lots of open and honest chats with my christian friends before and after we got married. Some of them did, some of them didn't, some of them didn't have full on sex, but were sorry for how far they had gone.

I think it's healthy to chat about it, but particularly with christians who are like minded and in serious relationships, because it is difficult to wait, and you need all the support you can get!

We waited. We're Christians.

Got together as a couple when I was 18, dh 19. Got married when we were both 24.

It wasn't easy but it was our decision. Nothing to do with a low libido, but a lot to do with what we considered to be the right thing for us.

We've been married 15 years. We still have a fab sex life. We are glad we waited. It did make our wedding night rather special!