Anyone ever had an affair and managed to keep it secret?

[parkranger]

well have you and do you regret it now?

Children aren't always screwed up by their parents seperating. Sometimes its better than them staying together. Surely the money issue can be sorted out? Have you got any legal advice? I'm not attacking you, honestly, I just think its a terrible bloody shame to 'settle' in an unhappy marriage. Life's too short etc etc. As much as I dislike deceit, I don't think anyone should have to 'pay' by being miserable for the rest of their lives.

chicken, we have huge debts and a huge mortgage. ds due to go to uni in oct so i wont jepordise that. dd has gcses next year. perhaps one day i will pluck up the courage but if and when i do it will be i have tried everything i can to sort marriage out.

Of course I look at other men and think 'oooh he's attractive', but I would NEVER cheat on my husband. I chose him, I chose to stand up in front of everyone who meant something to me and commit myself to him. If I ever were to fall out of love with him, I would leave him. But I adore him, I'm certainly not with him in the absence of something more exciting. And vice versa. Call me niave, but I trust him 100%. 110% even. It stikes me as odd that people think this is something that most people do/are capable of.

< gives LeQ a nasty nip >

After posting on this thread earlier I just had to go running to burn up some of my anger, back and calmer now.
LeQueen Tue 20-Apr-10 17:37:29 - this I love, I feel I should copy it and e-mail your words to OW and exH.
How many times have I tried to say all this to him and my resentment, anger and sorrow show instead.
I wish I had someone like you, and AF, in RL to give me advice. I have many friends and good family but they are not so blunt. Sometimes I need a kick up the backside and forget about them and the hurt they've caused.
Thanks

partytime...would a ickle squeeze for you be too un-mumsnetty ?

I hope you are feeling a little bit better x

Had several in my last marriage. My final affair was the one when I decided to end my marriage. I am now married to my final affair and do not regret it for a moment.

Now now LeQ, AF, stop that beastly behaviour. Shake hands and play nicely while I bake cookies.

Mum? I come across like a mum? Gawd I feel old. My DD wouldn't agree with you anyway. She wants a Mum who lets her bath the cats. I'm not the sort of woman that allows her children to bath the cats.

err, SOH, this is MumsNet, ya know

Thanks for the squeeze, it was nice.
Feel very virtuous, having run and sweated, but just dropped my glass of wine.
I have copied LeQ's post and have saved it,I will use this at some point, maybe when the legals are sorted and the dust settled. Wouldn't want him spitting his dummy and being unco-operative because of something I said! Haha

Just read the whole thread. Like partytime my husband did exactly the same thing to me, just not 3 years but one year instead before I found out. I have 2 very small children and it began when my son was only 4 weeks old. I know the other woman too and it is so painful and my DCs struggle so much with everything. There is no good reason for an affair IMO. Ever.

Agree completely with showofhands posts and LeQueens. AF - love you lady!

OP the mess and destruction you leave behind are tremendous with an affair. Please reconsider. This thread has made me feel a bit sick but for some reason I kept reading and wanted to post something to all of you having affairs.

hadenoughofwork - I have to say children aren't daft and what kind of marriage ARE you modelling to your children if the love is not there? You maybe quietly ruining them and their ideas of marriage anyway, without them knowing about your affair (the DCs that is) but because of your model of a "healthy" marriage you are demonstrating with your H. IYSWIM here, as it will have impacted the marriage having the affair, even if the H never found out, with the way you treated him in front of kids whilst the affair was happening and perhaps even now, even though the affair is over, the fall out will continue with your thoughts and inner struggles. I'd be surprised if you didn't interact with him differently due to everything. The DCs will have seen this, sensed the under currents and tension and possible open conflict at times too

I know you wanted this thread to talk to other people also having affairs OP but this is an open forum. An affair is not to be taken lightly. I truly believe it is far better to try and work through marriage issues with counseling and then if you cannot make it work, end it. But never ever have an affair whilst married and especially with children involved

I do hope you take some of these comments on board.

I'm planning to hide this thread now tbh but wanted to say something first.

Mumsnet you say? Oh right, I thought it was the WI. My mistake.

I think it's people my age (presumably, ish) seeing me as a mother figure. Inside I feel a bit like the new girl at school.

You just sound so sensible, SOH

Unlike me, who gets all het-up 'n' stuff

quick !!

teaandcakeplease, have a squeeze before you hide this thread !!! x

LOL thanks AF. You put much laughter and smiles on my face throughout this thread

Definitely hiding now.

phew, gotcha

< kicks LeQ in the shins >

feels left out
Pinches AF and LeQueen's bums.
But not in a lesbiany way, I'm not quite that desperate, yet..

Any Fucker - I'm SO over you. You are so fickle

< boxes Mal's ears >

< backs quietly away away 'cos I know she is desperate for some luurrrvin' and thinks I might be at risk >

I'm having to make do with, with, some (whispers) feathery stroking, 'cos that's all he's up to at the moment.

At least I'm getting poked in the back of a morning, he just hasn't got the energy to do anything with it!

I know, I know - TMI!