Anyone ever had an affair and managed to keep it secret?

[parkranger]

well have you and do you regret it now?

Well, personally I think secrets rarely stay secret- sorry. Have seen lots of affairs that are considered "secret", usually ending in disaster.

If I'm honest (and I'm not going to be outraged or indignant, because it's never happened to me, and I understand that wasn't the purpose of the thread) I think it is a cowardly way to deal with things. My friend's wife had an affair, got found out, left with OM, and has been battling ever since to get her dc to speak to her- they will never forgive her for her deviousness, although they may well have forgiven the fact that she fell out of love with their father. They all opted to stay with their dad, which seemed to surprise her. Now, i'm not saying he was a saint- noone can know what goes on in a marriage except the 2 people in it, and I dare say he wasn't the best partner, in terms of affection or romance, but for the children, she will always be the bad guy, because she is the one who deceived and lied.

That one reason alone is enough to put me off the whole idea for ever. As it happens, I wouldn't do it anyway, and am happy in my relationship, but I couldn't damage my relationship with my children for any man

I can't help it, -I do think it is just weakness of character that makes people do it, secret or not. All the attempts at justification here, well it's just a crock of shit really.

I actually agree P.P

sassy, why not do it on the photocopier? And leave a copy or two behind just by accident!That should cause maximum fallout!

Everybody makes mistakes, EVERYBODY. I've never had an affair but that doesn't mean I am Mrs perfectmarriage either. I don't think it's particuarly helpful for any of us to feel superior about our own perfection - because it's a false picture but neither is it very becoming for people to carry on with others and pretend that people don't know, that it's actually a positive thing, that it hasn't made a huge difference to anything. Affairs change things - like anger, money problems, infertility, work stress. We all make choices and we all make mistakes - lets just own those mistakes shall we - and not kid on that we are any better as a result.

I want SOH to be my mum

And LeQueen to be my favourite Aunt.

I want LeQ to be my bolshy mate

and chickens to be my cute ittle sister

LeQ I agree absolutely with what you write (as well crafted as always) but, whilst I would not have an affair I could not put my marriage on the passionate/loveometer against yours. Yes there are shades of mediocrity or indifference (as you never experience). Quite frankly in your world it would be a piece of p**s to never, ever, ever look at another man with any degree of lust and I think that applies to everyone. Personally, I would not ever contemplate an affair because I value and love my family too much and I am committed to them and I appreciate I am a very lucky woman.

LeQ...didn't we fall out a little while ago ?..< shush > the porn thread < whispers >

I fell out with you, anyway

never mind that now...MN friendships are very fickle

and I like you when you are angry

An affair is not a mistake it is a concious decision to betray your partner.

Hi just come across this topic I am a man if you want to call me that after you have read my post.
I have had 2 affairs and have been caught out ( good most of you are saying don't blame you ) on both occasions it has destroyed my life my wifes life and my children's lifes and I am not looking for sympathy I am now paying the price for it believe me if I look deep at the reasons why o did it I can only say it was because I was bored lonely and a selfish bastard and I would gladly cut of my cock and bollocks off to ne with my family again I can honestly say grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence I know my wife reads these posts this is the first time I have ever posted on a website like this and I can say yo the people out there thinking that you can get away with it and you won't hurt the partner then you absolutely stupid.

anyone who enters into an affair blindly or saying that they were coerced into it is lying or stupid.

Affairs are indeed entered into with eyes open and totally selfishly.

Relate do an excellent little book called After the Affair which details the many reasons for affairs in a rational way - and the pattern of events and feelings that follow all affairs through.

Affairs can never stay a secret!!!! you will always get found out and its the person on the receving end that ends up getting hurt and even worse their so much loved children!!!!!!!!

Why can't women keep their knickers on and men keep their dicks in their pants?????

Stay away from married people and find your own single partners!!!!! I feel really strongly about this seen as i am going through it with my husband now, got i wish i could get hold of the slut!!!

parkranger, i dont think i can say anymore on here, it is not guilt but cant be doing with the remarks by all those saintly people. sorry. dont know how to cat otherwise we could have.

would point out (said i would keep quiet) om was/is not married and if he had been i would not have gone there. nobody knows my dh and so they cannot judge. my children have and always will come first, which is why i finished it. BUT i am sad at finishing it, i dont love dh and they way he treats me, i find it hard to believe he loves me. the thought of another load of years with dh horifies me but i will do it, for my children. now carry on and say what you like.

for "crap", LeQ, read "shallow"

does that ring any bells ?

< knocks on LeQ's head with knuckles >

We are not sainlty people just people with morals and self respect!!!!!!

Then leave him, hadenoughofwork. If its that bad, why would you stay? Your children will know you're unhappy. I am genuinely baffled as to why anyone would choose to stay in a shitty marriage.

you do your children no favours to stay in a shitty marriage

what are you teaching them about how to make relationships work ?

stay with someone you clearly don't even like...and get your jollies elsewhere

nice

woud you like your ds or dd to live like that ?

chicken, its easy to be baffled when its not you. sorry, but you dont live my life.

i cannot afford to leave. dd adores her dad ds understands where i am coming from! but if you look at all the threads on here where adults whose parents split up at some point in their lives they all say it screwed them up. I DID WRONG, i acknowldge that, but i am trying to do the right thing and deal with it.

BUT, i would do it again, i love om and always will. but its over and that is that.